An 'ugly Duck'

 May started with a quick energy forward and also

-starting may 4th when Pluto went retrograde, till Oct. 13-

a time for inner transformation.

Where do you have old energy's that you need to let go.

You get time to re-check, re-visit till October 13th.

It is the first time Pluto in Aquarius went retrograde,

so the theme is: 

belonging to a group/society AND being your own unique self.

Can you give unconditionally or.....do you give because you feel

if you don't they 'don't love you' anymore....

I knew, Astrology wise, that I would be 'tested'.

Not to punish me or to judge me,

'only' to make sure I am on the right path,

the path my soul choose.

So, I looked at the signs

and.....thought I 'listened' to them....

Only people around me believed differently.....

Did I do to much?!? I like what I do!!

And then....even an 'old book' got my attention

Take time for yourself and enjoy life.

So I went at Easter to the sauna with our daughter Loes. 

There she saw a mole: 'Mom, you didn't have this one the last time when we went'

I was not that worried but.....I let her take a picture,

that I send to the doctor.

As most of you know,

I had a Melanoma in 1986, the year Loes was born.

It was a challenging time.

When I spoke to the dermatologist later on he said:

'I was not sure if you would make it'....

Now Astrology wise, I have the same transit:

did I learn what I needed to learn or.....

did I need another wake up call and......

how 'loud' needed this to be......

The evening of the day I send the picture to the doctor,

I got already an answer back and.....

2 days later they took the mole out.

I got the same reaction as 39 years ago.....

they were very worried.

It was an 'ugly Duck'....a melanoma....

All old patterns came up and also:

'Then I had a very powerful will  to live: my kids,

do I also have a powerful will to live ....for myself?!?

The same day they took the melanoma out,

the kids and grandkids came to visit.....

It was already planned

and....it was great!

We did all kind of fun things and had a great time.

They left after 10 days and then.....I started work again.

I realised I love life,

I have so many things I can give

AND 

I also have so many things I enjoy.

I realised that I lived 39 years after the last Melanoma

and.......

I am not the person anymore who I was then.

I realised I was healing a part that was not healed from the past

and......

I trust that what ever would happen, I could deal with it.

Wasn't the 'ugly Duck' not a beautiful Swan inside;-)?

I made changes straight away,

after I came home from the removing of the melanoma.

I realist  that sometimes I didn't take my life serious enough

and let people go over my boundaries.

I am grateful for those people: they helped me to show were I needed to make changes.

Some didn't like it and.....that was/is ok.......

I realise that that is not on me, they don't have to like me:

I have to make sure that I like myself!

And then.....I got the results:

It is a Melanoma only in a very early stage....

I need another operation to take some more skin,

only.....that is it.......

something to celebrate :-)

This full Moon of May 12 is about letting go or holding on to......

Can you let go of control and trust?

Can you choose to stay calm in the storm

and Know.......

that the Cosmos 'only' wants to help you......

I most likely needed this sign,

it gave me motivation to change a bit more.

I still like to be there for others

AND....

I make sure I am there for myself first.....

Set injustice right....one step at a time....

 Energetically we are in a challenging week,

with the peak on April 13th with a full Moon.

This Moon is connected with Chiron -our wound and healing-

and with Eris -wants to set injustice right-

'unpleased truths come to light'......

Gaza....health workers.....

What is the response of the world?!?

I am glad doctors without borders started a petition......

I hope and wish they receive millions of signs,

so 'leaders' Know they HAVE to do something.....

Trump.....Americans.....

Are his rules helpful for the people

or......can he go on golfing 

and can Americans not pay their groceries anymore....

-The last time Chiron and Eris connected in this way was in  1971/1972:

Watergate.....Vietnam war involvement.....DDT was banned.....-

Can you be patient,

can you choose to trust,

Can you look at every little progress 

and celebrate this.

Can you remember how you learned to walk,

to ride a bike, to drive a car.

Can you remember that it took time from knowing your letters,

till you could read a book,

or knowing your numbers and do math.

Can you also remember that

'the teacher is always right'

'listen to the priest, he knows better'

'don't trust 'them' they are different'

'listen to the media they are right'

What do we still believe that isn't right?

Can we let go and.....think for ourselves?

Most important:

you have to recognize old patterns

before you can let them go....

Did you learn from the past,

do you recognize were you act/acted like a victim

AND 

can you now choose to move forward:

heal and grow.

-By the way: this Chiron/Eris aspect will stay spring next year,

so you/we get the time to deal with our wound,

and set injustice right!-

 

Life should be enjoyed, lived.

Music/singing is balancing your brains,

it makes you smarter and more loving.

So: keep on singing, listen to music,

dance and be happy.

It is the best way to be -

and keep strong.

https://youtu.be/HRE624795zU?si=LlFGe97nY1xiiMui

Your inner child....

 

How is this for children?

Can they be authentic, be who they are?

Parents/adults are there 

to help them cope with the world around them.

At a certain point,

they know they need adults......

Can they stay confident, be themselves

or 

do they have to find coping mechanisms

to survive....hiding their confidence on the way......

Mercurius is going direct on April 7th

and on April 12 Venus will go direct as well.

After months

of this retrograde energy 

we are in an energy of going forward.

On April 17 Mars will go into Leo,

so: what do YOU choose?

Did you let go of old idea's old patterns?

Did you make space for new?

It is spring: 

do you need some spring cleaning in your house?

Could you choose YOUR time or.....

did your cellphone choose yours?

It is good  to look at your energy.

There are states of energy:

-did you impress.....yourself or others

-did you express or suppress..... were you afraid of conflict

-djd you feel oppressed: afraid that someone opposes your effort

-did you feel repressed: feeling you couldn't do what you wanted to do.

Or.....did you feel depressed:

sad for to long......

feeling you are not in charge.....

We were visiting our grandchildren.

I was playing and singing when they were in the hammock.

'Again'......

'Again'......

'Again'......and this went on and on and I kept singing......

Later I read a book for them, and there it was the same:

'Again'......

'Again'.......

'Again'.....

'Again'.......

and this went on and on 

and at one time,

she took over.

Making up stories using only one page,

while I was reading another book to her brother.

The last evening we were there,

they were in the bath.

She started singing and....she knew the song by heart.

Later on she was singing in the bed 

and when I started to sing with her,

she said: 'No, I like to do it alone'......

For me 

this is what working with your own inner child looks like:

Repeating, repeating, repeating.....

Your inner child 

had to deal with lot's of challenging situations

-parents, society, school, friends, moves- 

and had to 'survive'.

How confident is that part in you?

Does it still knows that he/she is unique,

or....is it still in hiding?

It needs YOU, the adult,

to remember this again.....

again and again.....

This takes time.....

As much time as needed.

So repeat, read, sing,

do whatever is needed.

Every time you judge yourself,

you doubt yourself,

feel you are less then someone else:

repeat.....

again, again and again....

No one should dim your light anymore,

You are born to shine!

You are needed in this world

You are unique, powerful and love.

Could it be that we 'believe' it is a difficult exam,

because we forgot we only have to do our own?

Could it be that if we remember we have all that is needed

inside of us and......

also know we attracted the right people around us to help us,

we can start enjoying?

Could it be that we should start with our children?

Could it be that we have to stand up for children,

stand up for situations that shouldn't be for children....

And......if we can not change the situation

realise we can help them go through it.

KNowing that if we do that,

we also help healing our inner child.

If you look around,

listen to the media,

you can start feeling overwhelmed.

What is going on?!?

Why are people acting like they do?!?

You can go into a feeling of fear and freeze

or....

you can remember we are in a process of inner healing,

personal healing.

Choose to look around and make changes there.

Clean one cupboard a day/a week.

Put your phone away for half/one hour a day.

Start walking, even if it is around the house.

Choose to change words: instead of I can not do it, 'it is challenging'

Sit in the sun and ask the sun to help you to let go.

Talk to a loved one, or.....someone in the street.

Connect....what do you/I love to do?

Play, read, sing

and

Repeat, repeat and repeat.....

Take your time,

be patient

and enjoy the ride.

Neptune......

 Before talking about Neptune changing signs,

I like to talk about a movie: 'A 1000 words'

A Thousand Words Trailer

A very good movie that shows how important feelings/emotions are.

It shows that words can hide feelings and.....happiness.

Addictions, working hard, not always being honest

are signs of Neptune,

an immature Neptune.

If you choose to

-or life make you choose to-

to deal with this: 

make the decision to be kind to yourself.....

Realise that your inner child is talking.

It needs attention, kindness,

so it can be honest and trustful.

Be compassionate and calm,

so the immature Neptune can change into a mature one.

Choose to be calm,

and look inside.

With Mercury retrograde since March 15,

we get the change 

to re-think, re-visit, re-adjust and...re-charge....

Can you  forgive.

Can you forgive yourself and the other.

KNOWING that forgiving has nothing to do

with the other.....

only with you.......

Can you let go of wanting to be 'right'

because the only thing you want is:

to be happy and at peace...

Neptune in Pisces started in 2011,

a big change in the world starting in Syria.

Neptune in Pisces, a period of:

The realisation that we are all One,

feeling for the victim, the helpless people,

chaos, manipulation, anxiety, misleading,

manipulation of media/election.

Mindfulness, yoga, virtual reality, AI,

loneliness, isolation, viruses,

feeling overwhelmed

Pisces is the last sign, the end,

Aries is the first sign: the beginning.

The end of this month Neptune moves into Aries.

It will move again in Pisces in Oct till the end of Jan. next year.

After that it will stay in Aries till 2038.

A big change,

together with the change of Pluto,

and also Uranus make this a period

of 'chaos'.

We had the lunar eclipse last week which was connected with Neptune:

letting go of old patterns/karma.

In Sept we have one and the last one in March next year.

These 3 periods help us to let go and start new.

Choose to see the world as your mirror: 

they show you 

were you have old karma.

YOU have the choice: 

stay a victim or.....start new.

Saturn is involved as well, so:

be patient, take one step at a time,

and remember.....

you are the cocoon in the process of becoming a butterfly....

The last time Neptune went into Aries was in 1861.

The time of the American Civil War.....

some people believe it could be that America

will not be one country anymore in the future.....

Did we wake up the last years and 

are we ready to take action?

Do we help the people who need it

or are we angry and do we 'want war'......

Do we remember that Palestinians are not Hamas?

Do we remember that Ukraine was not the aggressor?

Do we see the difference between AI and reality?

Neptune in Aries: 

the light comes in,

you feel the adrenaline, the enthusiasm, the alertness.

The fog goes away, the confusion,

the realisation were you leaked energy.

Will there be more conflict, more unrest

or can you make the change.

Do you feel fear or....do you feel love and trust.....

'A thousand words'......

These are also the time to listen to your body:

it will give you signs.

Make sure you exercise, dance,

listen to your body.

With Neptune in Pisces, it could be that you didn't realise

what your body needed and now when it goes into Aries

it will show you.....

It could be that you neglected it:

did to much, not enough 

and 'hoped' it would be ok.

Just like you 'hoped' that your wounded inner child

would be ok without your help......

I hope you take the time to see the movie

'A Thousand words'......

Take your time....

accept and Forgive.......

Do what is needed,

take action.....let the light come in.

AND.....

pushing is not taking action from a healed place,

it is from a controlled place.

I realised I pushed.....

I felt something was not ok

and I didn't say anything......

it was 'just a dentist appointment'

Why did I didn't say anything before

AND why did I feel tension now when I said something?!?

I felt manipulated......

Was I or.....was it a call from my inner child 

that wanted to be heard....

I realise it was the last one.....

Do you recognize the feeling in your life

and.....what do you choose?

Fight or heal.......

d..o..s..Endorphin.......one step at a time...

 We can do so much and.....still don't see progress.

The book: 'The DOSE effect', small Habits to boost your brain chemistry,

is a great book with lot's of great points AND.....

if there are unhealed old emotions,

it still will be tough to get the results you want.....

You see less and less people smoking

and dinking alcohol looks like 'the new smoking'

only......we forget that there is a much dangerous

addiction at the moment 

which start already with young children:

the mobile phone....

Dopamine,

Oxytocin,

Serotonin and 

Endorphin: 

DOSE

Endorphin helps you to deal with stress.

To boost your endorphin levels you need physical exercise,

laughter, stretching, heat and music.

Do you take the stairs or the elevator?

Do you take the car of do you choose to walk or go with the bike?

Do you know the feeling when you go in a hot bath

and breath out and feel relaxed?

Do you enjoy the sauna or.......are you afraid to 'expose' yourself...

Can you sing loudly under the shower or in your car?

Do you join a choir?

Do you have the experience when listen to music,

you could let go of emotions......

How is your life?

Just check how often you use your phone

and 

what would happen if you choose to put it away for...1 hour..... 

And in that hour you do one of the things

to boost your DOSE....

What if you knew,

that by doing this, 

you would improve your mental health,

be happier, healthier, 

focus more and have better relationships?

Would you give it a try?

Just for one day count how often you picked up your phone,

because you 'had' to do something,

or felt bored.....

AND.....if you read this and you feel guilty:

investigate......

How critical are you about yourself?

Do you do what you love

or do you do what people expect from you.

Or better: 

what you think people expect from you......

Do you drink enough water?

If not: could it be a symptom to not wanting

to deal with old emotions?

Is there a part of you that still believes

you have to hold on to them to 'feel safe/to survive'?

In 2011 Neptune went into Pisces,

it was the time when there were lot's of changes

in country's.....starting in Syria.

Now we are at the end the journey through Pisces.

It will move for and backward into Aries

and it will stay there in 2026 till 2039.

Next time more about Neptune changing signs.

It will be the time to take action,

let go of feeling a victim and take steps.

One step at a time....

d...o...Serotonin...e

 Our ancestors had high levels of Dopamine: 

they needed it to survive, to get food.

Their Oxytocin was also fulfilled 

because they needed the group connection, 

they had to work and trust together.

Serotonin is a chemical that will help you

to take good care of your body.

It is connected with mental health,

only.....

it is not only happening in our minds....

If you look back at our ancestors:

they woke up at the day of light,

they had to have a connection with nature.

Eat and drink natural, find shelter, hear

sounds of nature.

This is how they had high serotonin.

Dopamine and Oxytocin is mostly produced in the brain,

Serotonin however is 90% produced in the gut.....

Your mood, your emotion and energy 

are related to your 'gut health'.

When I started working with lactoferrin,

I had clients who felt better mentally

just by using this...

They were 'overthinking' and with help

for their 'gut' they could let this go.....

For me your 'gut' is the home of emotions,

it stores emotions which aren't processed...yet....

It stores it till you are ready to deal with it.

How is your 'gut'?

What is it telling you?

Are you holding on or.....

are you afraid to deal with emotions?

How is your mood and

how much energy do you have....

How is your diet?

Is it natural or most of all processed food?

If it is mostly the last,

serotonin has to spend time to get rid of this

and instead of building serotonin for energy,

it looses it....

Instead of feeling energized, you get an energy dip after eating...

How is your sleep?

Do you wake up energized or are you still tired?

Do you take your phone with you to bed?

Do you check it at night?

Did you walk in nature or ....

did you stay at home/office all day?

Your body needs spending time outdoors.

It also needs sunlight.....

Sunlight builds serotonin.

Even if it is cold or cloudy: go outside,

even if it is for a short while.

Overthinking....

do you recognize this?

Find new routines:

start a journal -this helps me ;-)-

Be grateful:

at the end of the day,

find 3/5 things to be grateful for.

Talk to people you love about your thought,

so you can clear your mind.

Venus went retrograde and Mars went already direct:

Look inside: 

how do you treat yourself?

Do you treat yourself in a way that shows love

and build your serotonin levels or

do you deplete yourself of serotonin....

Do you have energy to do what you like

or don't you......

Can you choose to make a different choice?

Use the 80/20 principle when choosing what to eat and drink?

Go for a walk in nature or sit outside to enjoy sunlight.

Listen to your emotions, accept them and....

-if the time is right- 

let them go....

I don't know how it is for you,

but for me it is challenging to see

'Zelensky and Trump' and 'Gaza and Israel'

On March 13 there is a lunar Eclipse:

old Karma likes to go.....

Ramadan started last week and

tomorrow Lent is starting.

Forty days of 'fasting',

a time of deep reflecting:

what do you want to let go?

How is your dopamine level?

Will you go for the 40 days to go for your dream?

Do you connect with loved ones and

do you feel connected with a group? 

Do you Know we are ALL one group?

What will happen in these 40 days,

what do you want to happen in your life

and what will be your first step?

To go outside and enjoy the sun?

To change one item in your menu?

To put you phone away at '8/10 o'clock'?

What is your first step?

 

Oxytocin and Mars.

 Mars, 

the planet of energy, action, war,

courage and desire, 

aggression and drive,

went direct on Feb. 24.

From December last year it went retrograde.

These last months we got the time

to look inside, re-think, re-flect.

Inner conflicts, frustration

and.....infections/feeling sick

are signs of this energy.

In the sign of Cancer,

it most likely had to do with feeling emotional safe,

family patterns....

-did you celebrate Christmas with family

and new year with friends and.....how did it go?-

Did you had expectation or.....could you

 'just accept and enjoy'.

Now Mars is direct 

you can take action.

Did you deal with old patterns, old idea's 

or did you need some signs from outside?

Did you get signs from your body

and could/did you take time to rest?

Did you find your drive/passion again and:

what will be your action the coming time,

the first thing you will do?

Do you Know what you like to do?

Did you build on slow dopamine or

are you still 'a prisoner'.

A prisoner of past emotions,

a prisoner of 'your phone',

quick dopamine.

Do YOU choose your life

or does life chooses you.......

Do you look at social media

and the world around you and feel 

stuck/fear or

do you choose to think for your self,

challenge thoughts and feel connected 

with the people around you.

Dopamine Oxytocin ....S....E...

Oxytocin.

You get this when you are with others.

Knowing you can do more when you do it together.

When we needed to hunt to get food,

we had to do this together to survive.

-Those animals were to big and scary-

We had to trust each other and were grateful

that we could relay on others 

and they on us.

We don't need that anymore and it looked like it was ok.

Only....was it ok?!?

With Covid, we experienced what lack of human contact meant,

and realized that lack of oxytocin 

had a big impact on mental health

People NEED touch to live, to survive.

How many hugs do you give/get every day?

Do you have a strong family, group of friends?

What do you do to connect with people

Can you be grateful or are you in the blaming/judging energy....

If you are in the blaming/judging energy,

most likely your oxytocin level is low.

How come you don't Know that you are good 

'just the way you are'?

How do you talk to yourself:

do you love yourself unconditionally

or do you compare yourself with someone else.

How come you do that? Who let you believe

that there is competition: the world, social media,

religion, your parents?

What happened after you were born and were held by your parents:

did you feel loved and protected,

did you feel part of a family/society/country?

Being born is an important event 

which is the base of the rest of your life......

What happened after?

AND: what happened when you became an adult?

Do you have social connections

or is you phone your social connection....

How do you talk to yourself:

how critical are you?

-if you are not sure: look how you react on social media,

judge people, are stuck on your own convictions...

most likely you talk to yourself in the same way.....-

You can do all kinds of things to let Oxytocin grow

only.....if there are unhealthy/wounded believes inside of you

it will not stick......

Did you get wrong believes about yourself when you were a child?

Remember: You are unique, special and you are love.

Did you get the believe that you are only part of 'the group'

if you did what 'they' liked?

Remember: You are born to be unique 

and the group will benefit

if you show them who you are 

and you benefit if they show you who they are.

'Donald Trump'* likes all of us to go back,

back to be a caterpillar only.....

that is not possible....

We all are in the process of being a butterfly....

we will and can not go back...

-*You can write any politic leader that shows no respect for

each individual. Who likes to power over people instead of being a leader.

I am sure you all know people in your country, in your family in the world

who mirror this to us-

Oxytocin will grow if you connect,

connect in person.

What will happen to the world if we all come together,

help when we can,

ask for help when we need it

and see each other as an unique human being?

Let's start with living,

to be grateful

and look at our mirrors.

Where in our lives are we blocking ourselves,

are we afraid to be the butterfly, 

to spread our wings and fly....

Use the energy of Mars going direct

and let your oxytocin level grow:

connect and feel confident.

Are you a prisoner?!? Last part.

What if your parent is incarcerated?

I saw a documentary about 6 people who had one of their parents

incarcerated when they were young.

All of them are successful now.

All of them think they deserved their sentence

and all of them love their parents.....

How were they treated?

What did people think about them?

What did they think about themselves?

As one of them said:

'You are were you came from,

you choose were you want to go...'

In all the story's 

you hear the guild and shame,

what people think and 

the love children have for their parents.

Also the parent:

all of a sudden they realise how their actions

affected their children.....

Also guild and shame.......

Saturn: do you stay in guild and shame,

or do you accept the consequences of your deeds

and choose to do better.

Choose......

These young people had to deal with a real prison

and were sometimes judged for what their parent did.....

They didn't do anything wrong.....

How is it with us?

Are we judged because of our 'parents/family/country/believe'?

Do we judge others because of this?

What do we choose?

Are we mobile phone prisoners?

What do we choose?

The quick dopamine or the slow one...

Saturn: taking your time, step by step, be responsible.

Do we take responsibility and Know we can change?

Do we show respect and are we taking time to build long-term dopamine,

or do we choose the short term.....

Remember: 

every day you can choose again.....

Choose and be patient with yourself,

take your time,

there is no competition.

Also remember:

The more you judge people around you,

most likely 

the more you are judging yourself even.....

Choose to recognise it

remember we are 'ALL One'

Let's choose to be free,

and Know...this takes time.

Let's start to check what we see and read on social media:

it doesn't have to be the truth.....

 

Are you a prisoner?!? Part 3

 I saw the documentary 'Free At last'

Free at last: onopgeloste verhalen over Apartheid | NPO Start

After 27 years in prison,

Nelson Mandela was freed.

Instead of wanting revenge,

he wanted a new start,

let go of the past and start new....

He became the first black president of South Africa.

His dopamine level must have been very high.....

Now it is 30 years later:

what happened with the people.

Did the truth and reconciliation commission work?

Did the witnesses, amnesty, reparations and rehabilitations work?

Could people forgive and move on

and did the perpetrators realise what they had done?

Watching this, 

I realise that every person has it's own path

and it's own time and....

you should respect that....

also respecting that sometime you still can not forgive....

you need more time.

Emotions are powerful.

Could it be that emotions are like 'mobile phones':

if you don't deal with them,

if you don't set boundaries,

you become and stay a victim.....

Nelson Mandela could do it

-he had 27 year the time to deal with it-

he saw the big picture.

He realised that if he wanted peace,

he needed to talk.....to communicate.

It took time and patience, a big goal.....

He had to communicate with people who put him in jail......

In stead of revenge, he choose to find a middle way 

so every one could live

in the same country.

Now, 30 years later it get's better,

but it is not  yet the country Nelson Mandela imagined.

Perpetrators realised how they were manipulated,

used and raised there consciousness.,

And still....not everyone is ready to forgive,

the hurt is to deep.

Seeing this,

shows how important it is to respect each other,

respect each others path.

You realise what a special leader

Nelson Mandela was......

Instead of revenge he choose forgiving and peace.

And still .....it takes time.....

Did we learn something from this?

Before South Afrika, there was Word War 2,

now there is Israel/Palestine,

Russia/Ukraine.

How are the leaders in this world.....

What is their big vision,

is it for All people, like Nelson Mandela,

or is it 'ego'.......

-with Pluto in Aquarius we can see the immature energy of Leo,

the opposite sign....-

How is it with us?

Did we deal with our emotions

and do we see the big picture?

Can we accept......

forgive and move on?

Can we also accept 

that we are not ready yet,

if everything is not going as we imagined it?

Can we choose 

to have compassion with ourselves

and......

take it one step at a time.....?

Building dopamine takes time and effort.

Stepping out of our own prison

needs consciousness and communication:

perhaps not all of our convictions are right......

perhaps we were still acting from a wounded child.....