Sunday 19 December 2021

Fear is old, freedom is new: what do we/I choose?

 'What is normal anyway?'

I believe there is not one 'normal',

I believe everyone has it's own unique 'normal'.

Just to be clear what my definition of Normal is:

Normal for me is,

living in peace and harmony,

enjoying life,

dealing with challenges as part of growing

and a state of wonder what will come next.

Also Knowing  that I have the capability and courage 

inside of me to deal with what comes.

As from today there are more restriction,

and we are in lockdown again

because of the omicron variant:

more contagious but also as it looks like,

less sickening.....

Do we need more time with ourselves

to deal with our own issues? 

Do we feel restricted or do we find ways

to deal with it and feel free?

A few days ago,

when I looked at my phone,

I saw 478 mails in my trash.

I look at my phone everyday,

but today I 'saw' this...

I remember Loes telling me, 

that I had to clear it out

and also 

that I hadn't used my swipe function in the right way....

Ok..... I decided to take time to do it.

When I started,

I also saw that I had lot's of mails in my Archive:

'I never put something there ?!?'

I apparently did was lots.....

When I started deleting, 

more and more old mails

come up took hours.....

Then I went to the trash and......

there it was the same:

more and more old mails

came up there as well?!?

While deleting the mails, 

I looked at what it showed me,

what was the mirror....

Could it me that I dealt with a lot of fears,

old pain and old habits 


that I archived them, put them in the trash,

without even realising it?

That I kept them still in my system,

because I forgot/didn't realise

I had to delete them totally....

Totally meaning to confirm this

at least 3 times....

Patience and...determination!

That evening I saw on the news that there 

will be a new plant for Facebook in Holland,

a plant/factory that stores data.

There was a interview about this:

'People keep everything, 

forget to clear mails, pictures 

and all this need to be stored.

Most of the data that is stored 

will never be used again,

and to store this takes a lot of energy'

So I am not the only one.....most people do this....

Are we all holding on to old, out dated energy

and are we not even realising it?

Also not realising it is not good to do,

if you want to reduce waste.....

What is needed to wake us up?

Is the corona virus enough,

or are we using it as a fog,

so we can stay in a victim energy....

We 'only' have to choose for ourselves

choose to be free and deal with our own fears.

If we choose to do so,

we will attract what makes us happy.

Most likely it is as with old data 

that you keep on your phone/computer:

if you realise it, 

you can clear it out very quickly!

We all did a lot of healing and growing

the last years and most likely

we 'just' have to confirm that

we delete it totally out of our system.

Most likely it is as with my phone:

in a few hours you delete years

of old outdated memory's :-)

And then there is soooo much space

for new, beautiful, exiting, adventurous

and peaceful memory's! 

If you look back at 2021

can you see, feel and experience

how far you have come?

Be proud of yourself

there is much more to come!

Thursday 16 December 2021

Freedom is on the other side of fear.....part 2


One night I felt like walking.

Normally Jaap doesn't like me to walk just outside town,

so I asked if he minded.

-If he would have minded I would have walked

through the town.-

I know why he doesn't want me to walk in the dark:

he wants to 'protect me' and....

I don't want him to worry.

This time he said: 'if you feel that is what you want

you should do it'.

A great mirror for me :-)

It was a bit dark, but the few light were enough

for a great walk.

All of a sudden two hares jumped over the street:

what a great mirror!

The hare also 'asks' for patience......

Yesterday I had to wait for the train:

a veeeery slow going, veeeeery long train.....


When I talked to Jaap about it:

'most likely it is a train with hazardous substances'...

Isn't that what is going on now?

We have to be patient,

because there is something 'dangerous' going on...

Is it the 'virus'?

I don't think so, 

the virus is 'just' a mirror.

For me the danger is looking outside ourselves,

not dealing with our grief and pain.

Forgetting how important nature is,

how important people are,

how important our body is and...

that we all should go back 

who we really are:

love and peace.

Love for yourself first,

so you have enough left to share,

share with the people around you.


Respect for each other 

because you respect yourself

Respect for the earth, for nature, 

because without nature we would not be here.

The last years we all raised our consciousness

and we can choose now:

we know more, know better so

we can make different and better choices.

Did you forgive yourself 

for doing the things you did when you didn't know better?

You should! 

You did the best you could at that time!

Internet and social media,

helped us to connect with the whole world,

realising 'that we are One'.


we still have to remember that we all are 

also a unique part of this 'Oneness'.

We have to think for ourselves as well,

not just follow opinions.

We shouldn't want to be 

what other people expect us to be,

look like or do.

The only thing we should want,

is being ourselves.

We should be grateful. 

Grateful for the people 

who know more about the things

we don't know much about.

Realising we don't have to know it all:

we are unique, and others are also unique,

so we can help each other and

don't have to do it all by ourselves.

Can we trust each other,

can we trust ourselves...


Be sure you walk your talk from inner power.

If there is to much emotion, 

there is most likely old pain to deal with.

Deal with it: be integer.

Also be grateful for all the people 

who have to make decisions about the Coronavirus:

how tough must it be......

It is a new virus and needs  quick actions,

sometimes while there is not enough information...yet....

Their decision has an effect on so many people and....

there will always be someone/ a group who doesn't like it...

How challenging to be integer....

We choose these people and....

if we think they didn't do a good job,

we can choose again....

what a privilege. 

We all can choose every day to change,

that is also a privilege!

If you look at your 5 pillars:

which one is the weakest link?

What can you do today to make it stronger?

Is it your mind, 

your body, relationships,

work/society or finances?

Choosing to accept what is


talking about it with someone

is a big step.

Do you trust yourself enough to trust someone else?

Talking about it, 

reaching out is a sign of power.

Power, money and love is all the same energy;

It takes power to speak about it, to reach out


by doing this 

you let the energy flow again.

You will be more and more at peace.

Imagine what tomorrow will bring.

Can you see a bright future?

If you can't yet,

be sure it will be there.

We just have to go to the other side of fear,

our fear....

If we choose to do this,

and remember the courage we have inside,

we will find freedom.

Now we 'only' have to take it one day at a time


be patient.......

That sounds so easy, only

it can be very challenging 

if part of you likes to be in control....

I realise I still have some control issues ;-)

I am sure it will be solved

when the time is right for me.....

I trust and be patient,

am grateful and enjoy every day :-)

Wednesday 15 December 2021

On the other side of fear lies freedom......part 1

 After we got an extension for the evening lockdown till Jan. 14,

I realised there was an other tone in the presentation.


our prime minister talked about 'own responsibility',

now he speaks of 'not hugging grandparents over 70'


'probably more restrictions in the coming weeks'.....

What happened?!?

Can we, as society, not be responsible,

because there is fear inside of us,

fear of lack,

fear of dealing with emotions,

fear of something we don't know?

Could it be 

that it is the fear we felt when we were a child,

when we couldn't understand the rules our parents made...

Rules we didn't understand but had to follow....

Are we going on doing the same,

or do we heal that part and take responsibility....

Was 'the tone' of the press conference necessary?

Didn't we take the responsibility

and do we get 'punished'.....

-not by our parent but now by the 'prime minister'/president/king/...-

Do we realise that if we don't deal with the fear inside us,

we will get the mirrors in society and....

we will 'give' this to our children.

They will have to solve this in about 30/40 years again...

The children who were born in these period,

are all born in the same energy.

It depends on the parents and other loved ones around them

how they are going to deal with it:

if parents felt/feel restricted or if they are afraid,

children will feel restricted and afraid as well....

Afraid to show emotions, just following rules

or acting out and being 'punished'.....

If parents realise it is a choice to be afraid or to be free

AND they are being patient with themselves,

they can make a conscious choice.

When they do,

they will find ways to enjoy the things they can do

and children will feel safe and secure.

How patient are you with yourself


how patient are you with your children

or children around you.....

When we lived in Saudi,

lot's of woman and children left for the whole summer:

'it is to hot!'

I didn't.

'In Holland you have to be inside because of the rain,

here because of the sun.

We choose to go outside early in the morning and at the end of the evening

and that is great. 

The children still see their dad every evening

and that is important as well!

For men it is just as hot as for woman and children'.

If you choose to be free, you find a way.

I was a bit shocked that this time in the press conference

they didn't talk about personal responsibility, 

because that is what is needed 

if you choose freedom.

Now it looks like 'Saturn stays in prison':

'you have to do what we tell you or else....'

Most of the time when one energy is suppressed,

the other energy comes out in an unexpected way -Uranus way-

It is the last time of the Saturn/Uranus square:

these planets look for balance, 

only the press conference

sounded more like 

'restrictions without freedom'.....

For people with a lot of fear inside,

it will be a scary time or a rebellious time.

I believe that more and more people

can balance these two energy's.

I am sure lot's of people will use the Uranus energy,

in a mature way.

They will invite loved ones this Christmas time

and hug children and grandchildren

because that is important!

I am sure most of them will do it in a responsible way

and not do this when they feel ill....

-you wouldn't do that before Covid, did you?!?-

Most likely some will get ill,

and I hope/expect it will not be very bad.

My concern are the people 

who are not 'thinking for themselves'

and follow the rules 'because they are the rules'....

Family's will be torn.....

little children will not understand emotionally:

'why can I not hug grandma/dad?'

Most likely they will understand mentally:

'it is a rule so we have to follow'.....

but how is it emotionally?!?

My mind went back to the Gulf war.

We had gas masks and at one time we had to evacuate

from Riyadh to Jeddah to take a plane back home.

We travelled by bus trough the desert.

At one point, far enough from Riyadh,

we had to hand in the gasmasks.

All people did, only Loes was worried:

'What if there is an attack and we don't have the gasmasks?!?'

I could explain that we were far enough away from

the attacks and that we didn't need them anymore.

She looked at me, waited....and then accepted it 

and stepped in the bus again....

She asked.....what about all the other children

who didn't asked and were also worried?

Did they believe they had 'to follow orders or else.....'

When we went back after a few months,

I had children who 'ducked' when they heard an airplane flying over.....

We are now in a period of 'another war', 

the 'Corona war'...

As I mentioned in my last blog: 

we also have a Pluto/Venus energy.

Can you make sure you find ways to do what you like/love,

be with the people you love,

even if it is in an other way than you would choose?


can you follow the rules that are needed and....

let go of outdated rules.......

Are you responsible enough to do that?

Schools will be closed one week early:

will people use this time to connect,

or do we use it to shop for food and/or presents.....


Are grandparents babysitting and enjoy it,

or do they feel 'they have to'....

Are parents choosing to take days of,

or will they get days of from their employers

or do children feel that they are a burden for their parents

when they are not going to school......?

Sunday 12 December 2021 interesting ride...

 We are all in a process of healing,

as humanity,

as society,

as family's

and most of all personal....

Even though I had a feeling of calm and trust deep down,

I also was a bit anxious: this coughing of mine took so long

and people around me were worried....

Could I trust my intuition or......

could there be something really wrong?!?

Years ago I had cancer: 

could it have come back after all these years?!?

I decided to go to my MP to check. 

He thought it was best to make an X ray:

'coughing for so many weeks is not ok'......

I had my X ray and I had the results: everything was ok,

more than ok.......

Why still this coughing?......

unsolved issues.....

there is still some more healing to do ;-)

As an adult you can,

as a child you can not....and

if you are not prepared to look inside and heal the child,

the 'adult you

will have to deal with the hidden emotions....

sometimes hidden in physical challenges...

Even if we really want to change and

choose to be healthy and in peace,

our inner child is still reacting from it's point of view.'...

It wants to 'protect' us in a way a child needs protecting...

Do we realise how powerful our inner child is?

Can we be compassionate and patient with this part in us?

What do you see around you?

How do you see the world right now?

Can you see it as a mirror

and can you choose to change what is inside of you,

so there will be another mirror?

Or are you still afraid,

and are you limiting yourself......

Energy is patient,

and gives you/us/me as many opportunity's to heal as needed.

We, as the world 

get as many opportunity's as needed.

If we don't deal with it now,

we will get mirrors as society,

we get mirrors as people.

Mirrors in our relationships,

in our financial situation,

in our jobs, 

in our emotions

or our body will show it.....

I attract beautiful mirrors

and I am grateful for them,

I also attract challenging mirrors

and I am also grateful for them.

I realise that using intuition is not always easy,

not easy for people around you

and not easy for yourself:

we live in a world that wants proof, numbers, 'real'.

So when you are a feeling/intuitive person

you are sometimes 'weird'....

people don't understand you a child 

you developed way's to deal with it,

way's that wasn't always good for you....

For me it was touch to deal with anger, aggression,

and hard voices.

I didn't understand why I got spanked the first time

'why do you do that?!?'

I didn't understand why people laughed at Laurel and Hardy,

when one of them hurt himself again and again

because of an folding bed.

'Don't do that again, it hurts!'

How come I reacted like this?!?

Could it be that I felt their pain

and wanted to help them?

Could it be that I also felt 

the insecurity behind people who acted 'tough'

and.....'decided' to act on that:

'stay quiet: inside they are hurt/insecure

and I shouldn't hurt that part more....'

By acting like this,

I forgot that I would be hurt in the process....

Cancer has to do with anger,

and there was a lot of anger inside me...

No one saw it, I didn't realise it,

because my believe was:

'People can be angry at me if I don't do

what they expect me to do,

I disappoint them so I am wrong! 


my inner conscious decided to  hide the anger....

So much that my body had to 'help'

me deal with it.....

Now I know that is what I did,

then I didn't realise it because.....

it was my pattern.......

When I changed that pattern,

lot's of things changed

and deep down,

the 'recording of first years of my life'

kept on repeating.....

There is still a part in me

that 'thinks' I have to put someone else

before me.....

Do I take the time for this healing

or do I want it quick.....

In so many blogs I write about being patient with yourself.....


I realise, I am not always patient with me......

How patient are you with yourself?

How patient are you in your relationships?

How patient are you with your family?

How patient are you with the people around you,

the world?

Do you set boundaries when people hurt you?

Do you speak up in relationships and feel respected?

Are you grateful for your family? 

-this is were you can practise with skills

you need in society: a family is a small society ;-)-

Can you be grateful for them even if they have

different lives and/or different opinions?

Are you speak your truth in the world and do you feel heard?

Can you speak from respect and love,

Knowing we are all One, 

and the other is an other part of You?

With Uranus and Saturnus we also have

a Pluto/Venus energy.

Venus, the planet of relations, of money, 

loving yourself, is a 'soft' energy: it wants harmony.

Pluto is a more forceful energy,

it wants to clear everything that is not right.

If you don't go with the energy, it will come by force.

It can be 'war', 'cancer', violence, total transformation.

Christmas is a time you come together as a family,

so most likely you will feel this energy there,

if there are some unsolved issues.

Issues of not being seen,

not feeling good enough,

or family traditions that are outdated.

Can we deal with it with respect,

or are we still angry.....

Can we accept that we are all different

and still connected.

Will I be still coughing ;-)

 'I'll wish you love, peace and happiness,

I wish you healing and patience with yourself.

I wish you remember

 you are being loved

and can rest now....

You are enough..

just being YOU.

Have fun, enjoy life

and choose to be happy!'

Wednesday 1 December 2021

Are we open for miracles?

A poinsettia, a 'Kerstster'-'christmasstar'-

I kept this one from last year. 

I kept them before and.....

I always thought they couldn't get red leaves by it self,

that the leaves became red by artificial light.

Now I know different: 

they need 14 hours of darkness and 10 hours of light for 2 months

and then the red leaves appear.

How special: could it be that we need sometimes 

some more hours in the dark

to look inside 

so we can 'bloom' again as well?

December starts with Neptune going direct.

It went retrograde in June.

What happened in this period for you?

Did you heal or were you mislead?

Did you feel connected, or did you feel victimised?

Did you let go or did you develop an 'addiction'?

Could you trust of did you forget your inner power?

We were supposed to go to London,

to 'celebrate Sinterklaas'.

Just last week I got a phone call from our son:

'are you home this weekend'......

They had to go to Belgium but at the last minute

it was not possible: Belgium became 'red' .....

They had a flight to Dusseldorf, so they could come to us:

what a wonderful surprise!!

We would seen them two weekend in a row or.....

was something else going on?!?

We had a great weekend and.....

realised it was an even bigger gift 

when all of a sudden 

there were more restrictions

because of the omicron variant of the Corona virus.

We can not fly to London.

Can we go with the flow

and trust that what is happening around us

is what is needed,

is what we attract?

Are we open for miracles?


the last month of the year,

the last Uranus/Saturn square.....

Time to look back and evaluate.

In December 2016 I wrote about the 5 pillars in Dutch,

a way to look back and evaluate your life.

In December 2019 I did the same in English.

If you want to look back at 2021, 

it could be an idea

to read them again,

and answer the questions....

Body, Mind, Relations, Society and Finance:

you are as powerful as your weakest link.

If you raise the energy of the weakest pillar,

all the rest will raise as well.....

The 5 Pillars are a great way to look at your life

and show us, were more attention is needed.

It is also a tool to see what is preventing you 

to live a balanced life.

Also remember your 'broken pieces'.

They can prevent you from taking the steps

you need to take.

They can hide your power,

hide the feeling of courage that is in you.....


you are not the child you were before!

Now you are older and wiser,

and can set boundaries were needed...

A BOY CALLED CHRISTMAS Trailer (2021) - YouTube

I just saw the start of this movie and heard the sentence 

'he had broken pieces'....spoken by a child....

Great movie to watch.

I wish you all time to heal,

to deal with your sadness,

to feel you are part of the society we live in

and I wish you can slow down....

Slow down and be grateful

what is all in your life,

all around you and that

YOU are important.

YOU are important for the people around you,

for society.

Everyone is going trough 'stuff',

some has to do with the mind,

some physical,

others with relationships.

Some with job's, lack of work,

or work that doesn't feel good.

Give yourself the gift

of appreciation:

you are doing great,

even if you are not there

were you want to be ....yet....

Trust, respect, be open for miracles

and take one step at a time

to heal your broken pieces.

Forgive and be grateful.

I wish you all good health,

great friends,

a safe and secure family,

and the feeling that YOU

can be YOU and still belong.

I wish you can be grateful,

even if you feel it is challenging...

I wish you peace.

I wish you open for them.