Thursday 24 February 2022

Old energy is clearing.....

 The teacher I was talking about in my last blog,

was also our needlework teacher.

Because of her, 

I made sure my embroidery didn't look like

the one you see above:

'If it doesn't look good at the back, it isn't good at the front.'

When you came to her when you thought it was ready,

she sent you back if it didn't look neat on the back....

What a great message did she gave me/us....subconsciously....

What does appear in your live as fate?

And how do you react?

The covid 19 pandemic is at the end,

the transformation of our world goes on.....

Where in your live do you still want the control,

and does 'fate' shows you to let it go......

Can you let it go and accept or do you feel frustration

and are you impatient.....

We were flying to London....

there was a delay but.....

we could go just before the first storm broke lose:

the sky was blue and the sun was shining.....

The first day in London,

the storm was so strong, we were advised to stay home....

and....I was sneezing and had a running nose.....

I also had a great time with our son, bonus daughter and granddaughter.

Sneezing and a running nose.....

New energy want to come in and......I need 'to give' permission

to myself to let it in....

What didn't I fix.....yet.....

If I look at Zoe, I see an open, happy child,

a child that has fun,

has learned to communicate by 'signs',

because she can not communicate with all the words we use....

By doing this, people around her know 

when she wants something to drink/eat,

when she wants to sleep and had enough.....

She mirrors and asks for a finger if she needs support....

not because she is not stable/safe with walking,

but because she is not feeling emotional stable/safe.

She is my mirror......

She loves to learn and she teaches me as well....

Now we get another 'mirror' as world.....
Ukraine and Russia.......
or Russia against the world....
or one unhealed leader communicates 
not to listen but to be heard.....
to be seen, wants more power......
Forgetting that a leader should protect....

What do we do with this mirror
in our own world....
Is it like the 'embroidery' and
do we still like to pretend that all is well
on the outside,
without taking care of the 'back'/the past.....
do we AND focus on the beauty of the outside
AND make sure we deal with the 'back'/our past.....

Let's choose to remember
that all people we meet have a past....
Let's choose to be compassionate
Let's choose to remember that 'we don't know everything'
Let's choose to remember to be grateful.
Let's choose to remember we can and should set boundaries.
Let's choose to be victors instead of victims.
Let's remember that old energy is clearing and new wants to get in.....

Monday 14 February 2022

'Your plan': do you know you have the power and the time...?

On our way to 2024 
when Pluto will move into Aquarius,

we realise that our plan for the world is not always reality......

it takes longer than we thought.....

Do we also realise that our plan for ourselves

takes longer as we thought as well?

Are we being patient?

When the 'me too' movement started, it was big

and.....'now it will never happen again'......

This year in Holland it became news again:

sexual transgressive behaviour in the entertainment industry....

It was a shock for a lot of people:

didn't we learn from the past ?!?

Now it is also a theme in the soccer world:

 a successful manager had to go.....

Then a politician had to go.....

A politician from a party 

that has 'woman rights' high on the agenda.....

And then a journalist who was one of the investigators

and who spoke publicly 

against a singer in the sexual transgressive behaviour case.....

And now also a female politician....

Sexual transgressive behaviour and misuse of power....

Thinking you should act 'as a woman', 'act as a man',

thinking that 'shouting' makes people listen to you,

that a position gives you more rights 

and also

thinking that staying quiet will give you harmony,

that not all people are equal....

Thinking all this because deep down 

you feel that your feeling is not important,

your voice will not be hurt.

You feel that the other is more important than you....

also feeling that 'now is your time' and.....

'it will never come back'.....

What is your dream?

Years ago I did life cycle plans with lot's of groups.

People made beautiful plans with boats, 

lot's of money, big houses,

lot's of material abundance....

How come most of the people who made them 

are in the same place as were they started

before making these plans.......?

How come we believe that we need people

to help us to to get to our dream, 

even if the help is not integer.....

Even if we have to make concessions 

and act in a way that doesn't feel ok....?

How come we are in 'a hurry'.....?

For me it shows that

most of the time we don't realise

in which energy we live...

We don't realise that ALL is energy....

We don't realise what the base if

of Our energy is....

Is it an energy of lack and fear,

or is it an energy of abundance and trust.

Do we take the time,

or do we want 'instant gratification'....

Why did someone put a picture of a big house,

why did they put a boat

or a big amount of money?

When talking about it,

it was often because

'our house is so old, and to small'

'if I would have a boat, I would have no issues with money'

'I have debt and I want to get rid of it'.......

Some talked different:

'I feel free and relaxed in a house with space'

'I would have so much money so I can do what I love

and share it because I don't need it all'

Do you feel the difference in energy?

Can you feel the difference between energy of lack 

and the energy of abundance?

The energy from wanting to control the future

or from trusting the future/the cosmos.....

People who realised 

that they had the power inside, 

-even if they didn't feel it yet-

took time to sit back

and took little steps

towards that new feeling.

A feeling of peace and happiness....

trusting that it would come......

that 'failing' was just a stepping stone

closer towards their goal.

Others, even if they said they felt the power,

showed in real life they didn't......

they stopped because 

the waiting for the results took to long......

They wanted 'shortcuts'....

I hope and wish every person has someone he looks up to,

someone who is inspiring,

someone who will show you how powerful and unique you are,

and also shows the 'failing', the patience and determination 

that is needed.

They are your mentor, a frontrunner.....

For me it was my first grade teacher,

who had a family and was teaching.

She made me feel special while others teased me

because I was 'new'.....

-there was no space for me in kindergarten,

so the other 40 children knew each other....-

For me it was my mentor and biology teacher in high school,

who didn't shout to get attention, but said:

'there is to much noise to teach such a special subject,

so you do something for yourself, 

and we will address it an other time'...

It was my physics teacher, a young teacher

we called by his first name. 

He took time after school to teach a little group who 'didn't get it'

and really wanted 'to get it'!

He took his time, had fun and you never felt it was to much.....

It was my English teacher who told me 

'read this book, it counts for 2'......

to help me relax, because I was so strict for myself.....

-I only saw the amount of books I had to read,

and I only thought about failing...-

Later on it was Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, Oprah Winfrey.

Sometimes I didn't understand leaders, like Obama,

but after reading his book, I realised how tough it is

to be a leader in real life......

As a leader you have to trust people 

and not all people are ready to be trusted....

As a leader you have to look inside and deal with your own issues:

you still get your mirrors as well and especially as a leader

you will get 'ego' mirrors.......

I had leaders in my life who were not trustful....

I had to learn the hard way....

I realised: 

Am I ready to lead, can I trust myself?

I learned a lot from nature, from trees....

Stay grounded......

take your time,

enjoy and share.....

just like nature does....

Probably we have to shed our past some more the coming time,

let's be compassionate with ourselves and others,

take responsibility and set boundaries

and take care of 'our own tree' first

so we will be part of a beautiful forest!

AND.....most important:

ENJOY and have fun while 'traveling'!

Saturday 5 February 2022

Power and success....the iceberg illusion.

 The iceberg illusion........

When you look at people who are successful, 

you see an image, a mirror.

People react to that image.

Successful people who are authentic,

don't have to proof anything.

They live their life in a way that is good for them

and they will help others to be successful as well.

How we react to them says something about us,

not about them.

We can see them as an inspiration

or we can see them as a guru.

If we see them as a guru,

then we give our power away.....

and most likely we will get hurt,

not as a punishment,

but to feel our power again.

We have the choice to be a victim

or to be our own 'guru'.

Nelson Mandela became a leader, a successful man.

He was not a 'holy' man.....

he did things in his life that were not good.

There was a lot of hurt in him and he projected this.

He had to take responsibility

and used his jail time to heal, learning patience

and determination.

He forgave and was forgiven and became a leader.

How was it for his followers? Did they heal

or did they show success without healing.....

In South Africa there is still corruption.....

How can you stay in your lane

if people let you believe there is a time limit,

that you have to be as......

I don't believe Nelson Mandela wanted 

people to be who he was....

I believe, he, like Ghandi,

showed us to 'Be the change you want to see in this world'.

They showed us to lead by example.

Dealing with the past

takes time, sacrifices and determination.

You only can take this path if you have a vision...

YOUR vision.

How you see your world
has 'nothing' to do with the world....
it has to do with YOU......

How was your youth?
In what country did you grow up?
Was there a  warm community,
did you have compassionate teachers?
All these things are important
to feel safe and secure
so you can live the life you choose to.

Like a seed:
did it get enough water, sun,
was it planted in good soil?
Did it get time to settle, to grow roots,
so it could deal with the winds and the storm?

More and more people realise that what 
'we' thought was 'normal' isn't 'normal at all....
'Men will be men'.....
'People in power will use their power wisely,
and they know all about the people 
who work for them.'

After the 'me too' movement
it looked like people would change...
I am not sure people get it yet....

They talk about education and about how boys should treat woman
and I am shocked....
How come it is about gender.....
For me it should be about people:
How do you treat people......

Can we acknowledge we acted in a way
that in hind site was not appropriate?
Can we acknowledge we feel ashamed and
admit that now we know better,
we do better
do we lash out to hide behind our own guilty feeling.....

I looked at a great movie with this theme:

It is a movie about Mohamedou Ould Shahi,
an innocent men who was detained in Guantamo Bay. 
There was so much hurt about 9/11
and instead of dealing with the pain and hurt,
'they' needed a quick as possible.....
Even if this meant torturing an innocent men...

I knew about the story 
but was shocked
to see how far unhealed people
will go to get what they want......

Luckily there are some people 
who are not afraid,
who go by there inner compass,
and will do what is right,
even if - in the beginning- they are blamed.....

Those people are not shouting, not emotional,
they are firm and determent.....

How determent are you to live YOUR life?

Now it is easy to blame
'South Africa/ America/Men/Woman/Covid':
it will fill books, documentaries, 
talks on the internet
and inspiring movies.

We can also look at it in an other way

Al these 'big events', 'revelations'
helped a big group of people to open up,
to think for themselves,
to heal,
to claim their power back
and expose what is under the surface.

It helped all of us to look inside our own live,
it gave us a chance to reclaim our power.
It gave us a chance to heal......

Mandela had to be in jail 28 years,
Mohamedou Oud Slahi 14 years.....
How about us?
Do you feel free?
Are you happy with your life
or do you need a change?

Are you in 'jail' because you think you have to live like others?
Are you in 'jail' because you bought a house that is to much for you?
Are you in 'jail' because you think you can not change jobs anymore
because 'you are to old/young/sick....'
Are you in 'jail' because you realised that children are not clones of yourself?
Are you in 'jail' because you can not travel?
Are you in 'jail' because you don't have money to buy what 'they' can buy?
Are you in 'jail' because you have so much money but are afraid to spend it?
rivers take care of themselves first:
they make sure there is enough water in them 
so they can give....

Trees make sure they take care of themselves first:
they are so healthy, they can give us fruit.

The sun is full of energy and health,
so it has lot's to share.
Flowers take care of themselves first:
they take the water, let the energy of the sun in
and make sure they are standing firm in the sand,
so it can spread.....

They all show how important it is 
to look 'under the iceberg'....
We only can share if we act as nature show us:
take care of ourselves first.....

Wednesday 2 February 2022

Be, relax, accept and enjoy.

 Did you allow yourself to rest?

Did you re-plenish yourself

and re-charge 

after re-visiting old situations/persons?

If you did you used the retrograde period well.

Now it is February,

the month of Carnival.

A celebration of joy,

respect for each other.

A celebration of each others uniqueness

and still being part of the group.

A celebration just before the start of

fasting.....40 days of fasting and then:


How is our attitude?

Could it be that we celebrate sometimes

as if we are happy,

but not always feel it?

Could it be that the 40 days of fasting is the time

that we can go inside and let go of old believes

that prevent us 

from living the life we are supposed to live?

We pretend to be ourselves but aren't ....yet?

The last 2 years we couldn't celebrate Carnival

because of Covid.

It is as if we needed a 'big fast'.......

We all got the time to delete old patterns,

old behaviour.

The time of a virus is about 2 years,

so we are at the end of this pandemic:

did we heal, did we grow,

did we accept, did we forgive?

Do we give ourselves second changes,

do we give people around us second changes....

Or do we believe we have to build walls.....

walls without doors and/or windows....

As a child I was 'dishonest' 

and because of this, I got a book I really wanted


I always felt the dishonesty 

and that was bigger than the joy the book gave me.....

It took me years to realise that my grandmother 

knew I didn't write my own name....

I believed I had to 'deserve' it

and didn't believe in my own talent/power.....

I wanted it so bad that I used manipulation...

an immature way of using Power,

to get what you want......

I was immature.....and still there was a voice

inside of me, that treated me as a mature......

I was my own worst critic....

Was I dishonest or was I 'just a child' ?

How come I felt I had to manipulate to get what I wanted......

How come I felt I didn't get the time to write my name by myself:

'I can not do it in the same way my teacher can',

comparison.....I was almost 6....

How many people who read this blog had experiences with

sexual transgressive behaviour?

I think a lot...

I did, more than once and.....

I didn't say anything because it was 'family' and

'my dad would be so angry towards them'

-I never thought he would be angry at me.....-

I remember being in Holland 

after I became a mom, 

living on the other side of the country

making a phone call to my mom.

It was on a Monday morning 

and she sounded so upset.

I asked her what was going on and she said:

'your dad is not here on a Monday and 'he'

always comes and tries.....'

When I asked what she was talking about,

she explained and I was so shocked.

I felt her fear so much that I told her 

'This should stop!' and I promised 

her to do something....

I called an aunt and explained....

The first thing she said: 'She too?!?'

And then...

I didn't have to do anything anymore....

She called other female members in the family

and there were more 

who had the same experience....

They talked about it ....also with him changed.....

Did he become an outcast?

No....he didn't.....

He could live his life,

the others could live their life.....

At least on the surface.....

I knew my mom's feeling

and even though I couldn't stand up for myself,

I could do it for her....

It took some more years to do it for myself....

and....that is ok....

When you are ready you get the opportunity's...

Can I stand up for myself now?

Can I let my voice speak from a place of love and understanding,

or from a place of anger and frustration?

In Astrology, 

the 8th house, Scorpio, Pluto,

relate to Power, Sexuality, War, Surgery and

being a detective or a murderer.....

It relates to trust and transformation

or manipulating and control.

How this energy works out depends 

if the energy is immature or mature.

We will be in this energy till 

Teenagers need to get the opportunity to find out

if they can trust themselves to be 

who they want to be and be part of a community.

They need parents who trust themselves.

Trust, they did a good job AND.....also know

their children are unique and not clones of themselves.

 So trust and let go is not always easy.

Parents are still parents 

and have to use parenting

if teenagers need to be protected for themselves.

All parents make 'mistakes' is a learning curve:

forgiving/saying sorry, changing plans is part of the deal.

It shows power.....

Always realise your child is unique, authentic

and with a gift no one else has...

You 'only' have to love and guide,

be YOU.

Realise that you are not using power

but manipulation if you promise them

thinks by saying:

'If you don't smoke/drink till your 18, 

we will pay your driving licence....'

How often do we use manipulation 

in our own lives?

Comparing ourselves with others,

as if we are not good just as you are...

Thinking we have to be perfect NOW,

as if we aren't already perfect.....

If you want to change

because you are not happy, 

you can,

it is your choice......

We 'just' have to feel if we live our live,

or if we still live the life others planned for us....

I still see and hear a lot of angry people,

people without compassion,

who judge people even people 

they don't know......

I always wonder: 

what in their life is still bothering them,

things they are afraid to deal with or

perhaps they even don't know....

I feel for them


more and more I can let it be.....

In one of my dreams someone I wanted to help,

gave me a small lawn mower

for my own garden....

I looked at it and

when I woke up realised what it meant

and had to smile :-)