Monday 31 May 2021

Fear and the illusion of separateness...

With Mercury in it's shadow and retrograde since May 30,

Saturn retrograde since last week,

Pluto in it's shadow, going retrograde in June

and Jupiter, who will go retrograde as well in the middle of June,

it will be a time to:





as many times as you need to......

There is no competition.....

it goes on till it's done.....

Till YOU don't need it anymore.....

I was going through some 

old files and courses I taught 

and found something about 

'Fear zones' 

and realised it fit's in these times.

Dan Millman wrote this about fear, 

I adjusted it a bit.

Fear is a great servant but a terrible master....

Fear, like pain, can sharpen and advice,

but also overshadow or limit your life...

Fear comes in many disguises, such as:

'I'm not interested in that' or

'Why should I care?' or

'I can't'....

You are face to face with fear everyday:

afraid you are not doing enough,

afraid you are not good enough,

afraid of being rejected,

even afraid of being yourself...


Your fears are not walls...only bumps....

Courage is not in the absent of fear, 

but in overcoming fear....

Without fear you could never show your courage....

Our body's show where there is fear,
and even if this doesn't fit with your believes,
it could be interesting to look at....

I had a challenge with my foot,
and it was when our whole family was together.
'Fear of being yourself' is the fear that relates to the foot.....

Some other fear zones:
Lower back: fear of life, shyness....
This part has to do with 'standing up for your self,
to 'shine' aswell...

Lower arms and elbow: fear of punishment...

Part around your kidney's: fear to take Your space in the world....

Let's remember
and take small steps
to overcome fear and let love in.

I already had a Mercury retrograde situation
on the first day it went retrograde:
Someone talked about a person and mentioned a name.
For me, 
this name was the name of a family member
and I didn't relate it to someone else.
Later on, 
when I asked a question about it,
it appeared to be about someone else,
and not the person I thought it was about......

I am glad I 'just' asked that question ;-)
There could have been 
strange situation in the future 
if I had believed what I thought was 'the truth'....

A reminder to check, 
dibble check and stop assuming
that what you thought is 'the truth'.....
it could be a 'misunderstanding'...

Why did I mention this?
Because with Mercury and Saturn retrograde
you can experience 'blame and shame' feelings,
old feelings....
The energy is bringing it up so you have a choice:
to let it go or.....keep it....
to be responsible or.....blame and shame someone else or yourself

The soul knows......
It knows there is no competition....
There is no timeline.....
It works from love....

You will get another chance to heal,
and another one......
and another one
if you have to go deeper.

Re- adjust
Re- focus.......
as many times as you need :-)

Be humored,
be patient,
be open
and enjoy life!

Thursday 27 May 2021

Walk your path and be open.....

Sometimes it feels lonely 
if you have to walk your own path,
but if you take time to look around 
and inside yourself,
you realise you are always with yourself.......
and I hope and wish 
you all are happy with yourself..
everyday a little bit more...

Last week we got great news:
our granddaughter would come to visit!
-our son and bonus daughter as well, only....
Zoe is a bit more special now ;-)-
For lots of people this could sound 'normal',
for us however,
it is extra special,
especially because they live in London and...
it is 'corona time'.

We had very special days:
the whole family together,
especially in these times, 
is special and..... 
I realise how grateful I am for all of them.

I also realise 
that each of them walk their own path,
and that it is not always an easy path.
They see challenges instead of problems
and instead of blaming and finding excuses
they deal with what is going on right now.
Whatever is happening, they find ways
to make sure 
they enjoy life.

It is perhaps not an easy path, 
but a path worth living and...
that is most important!

Everyone of us has to go through 'storms',
and it helps 
if you realise they will not stay,
they will end....
In challenging times it is important 
to take time to enjoy life,
find the good things, 
things that make you happy,
so you have energy to deal with the challenges..

I realise that our children walk their own path,
as do there relationships and friends.
They walk and trust,
make choices to live a happy life.

I am grateful and proud of the people they are now
and am curious 
what they will manifest more in their life.
It will be manifesting from love instead of fear:
what a great way to live.
It makes me very optimistic for the future :-)

I realise that I, 
going through my storms,
are helped them by
going trough theirs...


they helped/are helping me going through mine.
They are also mirrors for me....
still are....
and I am grateful for this.

Loes made this picture.

It looked like the stork is 'pushing me'....
Isn't this a nice metaphor
for having children as mirrors.....
From the start of their life,
they 'push' you to look inside yourself,
to deal with your emotions,
so you become strong and grounded,
the person you are meant to be


-if you decide not to look-
you will stay with your -old- emotions
and end up 'in the water'.....

For people who don't have children:
your friends will mirror you in the same way,
your family will 
as will children who will 'visit' you on your path....

We walked in beautiful gardens
on the day of the super moon and lunar eclipse.
That day, 
I saw old emotions coming up in others
and realised they were also a mirror for me....
I realised that later in the day ;-)

I reacted instead of responding towards Jaap.....
and realised it only because I had a talk about it.... 

I wasn't in the now,
I reacted from 'past hurt'......
something no one can change, 
only I can....
I realised that even though I recognized the pattern,
I was not able to 'only' respond...
there was still some old emotion in my reaction ;-),
I wasn't 'neutral'....yet...

'Now is all there is'......
If you are in peace and harmony,
then 'the Now' is without past hurt....
If not,
you Know old hurt is involved
and you 'have to' go to the past 
if you choose peace an harmony in your life....
You have to go to the past to heal 
and to let go.

Can you accept your 'mirrors'
or do you feel offended?
Are you prepared to deal with your fear.....
Fear of not being the person you are 'supposed' to be,
fear of rejection...
Are you prepared to remember you are love
and that the people who are supposed to be with you,
will stay, 
be there or 
are on there way to you....

Are you open to connect Saturn with Uranus.....
Being you, unique.....
Walk your path and be happy
and by doing so,
give everyone around you permission to do the same?

Do you Believe this is possible?
Are you open for it?
I am.....and 
I hope there will be a 'new virus':

Respect, trust, love, compassion, connection
and happiness, everywhere you go.
Each of us walking their own path
and  connecting when we meet.
Trusting each others knowledge and wisdom,
and use it and share it.

Wouldn't that be a great 'new virus'?


Friday 21 May 2021

Let's start creating...

Mercury had 'a tail' this time,

like a comet....

A comet in the sky is a messenger of change....

Mercury, Venus and the North node 

were together on May 11th,

and opposite the South node: 

the point from the past....

Can we apply our wisdom in daily live.... 

Can we practice what we preach.....

Are we prepared to take the steps

or do we like to stay in our comfort place....

even if that place doesn't give us comfort....

Is everything we believe true?!?

How come country's are not standing up to Israel at the moment.....

Is it because a long time ago 

something terrible happened to the people of Israel?

Do we all still have a part in us 

that we don't want to address?

Do we still, 

as collective,

feel quilt and shame,

and aren't ready to let it go.....yet?

Do we need the 'mirror of Israel'?

If we don't deal with it 

 we will keep this guilt and shame.

It will keep us 

from living the life we choose to live

and it has consequences....

It could be 

that the mirror from the Jews 

will transform to the Palestinians:

we will feel guilt and shame for not standing up 

for justice....

Why not deal with the quilt and shame in us,

so we can hold each other and our selves accountable.

Wouldn't it be great we get different 'mirrors' 

mirrors that makes us happy?

The south node can hold us back....

We can believe 'we know it all'

'we know best'

and are pointing fingers.....

not realising that if we point a finger,

tree fingers are pointing to ourselves......

We will keep getting 'mirrors' to 'help' us heal....

Let's start communicating,

listen instead of hear,

be open and accept and say 'sorry'.....

Life is not perfect

and perhaps that is why it is perfect.....

For me the corona, the war between Israel and Palestine

are 'just' signs.....

Signs to help us deal with our fear,

deal with guilt and shame.

Taking responsibility for us AND for each other.

The trauma from the Jews is big....

it shows what people can do to each other

if they forget they are One...

and also when you remember that you are...

'How could we let this happen?!?'

Could it be, 

that it is mirroring us with 

our own dealing with pain, regret and loss.

How do we deal with it?

How do we deal with the vulnerability 

of people who went through a loss?

Do we 'protect' them and

let them 'get away' with things

because 'they are going through a tough time'


because 'we should have been there for them'....

Do we realise that if this goes on to long,

it is not grieving anymore 

it is keeping someone in a victim state?

They will and...

you will as well.

Life is not meant to be standing still,

life should be going on, growing

and you can not grow as you are meant to be,

if you let old outdated habits go on.

'Mistakes' are part of growing of learning,

saying sorry and taking responsibility as well.

We all have to deal with our fears

if we want to go on,

if we choose to live.

If not,

we are only surviving.....

and missing out......

A comet is a bringer of change.

Mercury has to do with communication:

where in your live do you need change?

Were in your live is still fear, regret,

guilt and/or shame?

Are you prepared to let it go?

Do you realise that you ALWAYS 

did the best you could.....

Are you prepared to forgive your self were needed

and choose different were you want to

and start to heal,

grow stronger and deeper roots...

Mercury will go retrograde the end of the month,

Saturn in a few days:

we get more signs to heal old outdated parts inside us.

Look close,

in your family,

your neighbourhood

and in your own mind:

do you talk to yourself as you want others to talk to you?

You should.

You can start 
to create the world you choose.
Remember your power,
remember your love.
Remember we are One,
and doing the best we can.

Start your little world of peace and abundance,
and let it grow bigger.
Make peace with yourself,
people around you
and start create the world you desire.

Monday 17 May 2021

Intelligence and wisdom

This is just a reminder....

I am sure you know this and......
sometimes we know things
and still isn't it easy to implement it in our own life......

Intelligence is not the same as wisdom.

I am sure there are a lot of intelligent people,
people who read of lot, studied a lot
used the internet to find information,
but for me this is the first step....
Everyone can gain intelligence but
to grow wisdom is going a step further...

It takes time, experience and wisdom.
It takes wonder, it takes being open,
it takes time with yourself......
-time we get with this pandemic going on..-

Wisdom is intelligence with time, experience and patience.....
You can implement what you know it in your own life.
Your life will get better, more peaceful,
and by that also the lives of the people around you.
In the times we are in now,
it is easy to focus on old pain and old emotions.
It is easy to forget that you are on a path....
you are 'just' going deeper, 
and letting go
'the last roots of the weed'....

It is as with the last part of a study....
you are almost there and.....
'it looks like it is so much harder all of a sudden!'
Did you quit or did you step up and finish?

Where are you in your life right now?
Do you let negative feelings control you?

Is it about your body, your health,
is it about a relationship, family,
or about money.
Is it about society, the world, politics....

If any of these 
make you feel negative about yourself
or frustrated,
than you Know it is about you....

YOU feed the negative feelings,
old feelings.....
most likely a subconscious choice....
You can also choose 
to feed the positive feelings inside of you 
and realise you are on that the spiral path,
to find deeper truths....
more peace an happiness,
consciousness and wisdom.

Be kind....
especially towards yourself...

Friday 14 May 2021

Choose and trust....

Can you enjoy were you are now?
I stayed with an uncomfortable emotion....
-my last blog-
not the first time that I felt it,
but the second and third time....

The third time, 
I even talked about it,
just to make sure that
I would not 'run away' from the feeling.

I realised that talking about it
was a big step: 
I accepted it and let go of guilt and shame....

 May 13, Jupiter, the planet of growth, expansion

and healing went into Pisces.

Pisces is the last sign of the chart:

the end, All, the sea, spirituality, letting go,

trusting that you will being helped,

that there is enough for all.

Also the sign that needs boundaries

or there will be confusion, chaos, fog,

victim ship instead of healing.

It is a time of healing family karma,

letting go of old habits and patterns.

It is the time to go in.....

Families are a testing ground

for all our experiences in life....

We learn to deal with structure and rules,

we learn to deal with ourselves and with others,

and we learn what we like and what we don't like,

we learn how to use our energy to set boundaries.

When we go outside our family structure,

we already 'know' how to deal with others....

we take that with us 

and deal in the same way with the outside world.

Do you feel free?

Do you feel restricted?

If you do, realise it is INSIDE of you......

Saturn has to do with rules, structures and family karma,

Uranus is helping you to be YOU....

letting go of rules and regulations that are outdated

and.....that you are part of a bigger family...

the human race.....

So, I agree: 

you don't have to accept the things you are not ok with


you have to remember you are part of 'the human race' as well....

Do you take time to sit with your emotion.....

accept it in yourself

or do you stay with the feeling 

that you are a victim....

With Jupiter in Pisces

we get the change to look at our own family first:

are we prepared to let go of karma

to heal, to grow....

Are we talking from peace, from inner power,

from intuition,

or are we talking from anger and frustration,

from emotion....

Jupiter will go back in Aquarius the end of July 

till the end of December,

before it will stay in Pisces till next spring.

Can we heal inside and take a big step 

into growing and healing as society?

Are we prepared to respect each other,

be innovative, optimistic for the future.

Are we open to work on solutions, working together

or do we still believe it is them against us.....

We will see:

There are groups against each other.....Israel/Palestine.

Party's who need to work together to form a cabinet in Holland.

Can we open borders and trust or do we still need al restrictions.....

Are we ready to live and expect the best

or need we more time living in survival mode....

I hope and wish 

you enjoy today,

be grateful and show gratitude,

so you can be a magnet and attracts more of this energy.

Tuesday 11 May 2021

Sitting with your emotions.....

 It is so easy to say.....

Do you always sit with your emotions as they arise?

Do you think you can take the time,

or do you think you can deal with them 

at that moment?

I can not.....

even though I Know these emotions will come up again,

as often as necessary, 

till I deal with them...

I think most of you can relate....


'Sugar coating'.....I did that a lot

and do it less and less....

Two of the peonies didn't really bloom at the fullest

and I decided to cut a piece of the stem....

the same afternoon they bloomed full as well....

When I read this I thought I agreed....

but now I realise that sometimes 

it needs help to bloom 

by helping it in a different way.....

A part of the stem, the beginning, 

can 'be blocked'.....

and it prevents water and nutrition to flow 

were it needs to go.

When I cut this bottom part, 

the peonies started to bloom.

Was this part 'not necessary' ? was.....

it helped ones, 

but now needed to go....

I saw the movie 'Believe me',

the story about the abduction of Lisa McVey.

She survived an abduction by a serial killer.

She did, because she knew

how to deal with this kind of abuse......

She used this Knowing and....survived....

even made sure this serial killer was captured.

She remembered all the details,

and that made her 'unbelievable'....

We ALL remember all the details.....

not all the time consciously, but for sure subconsciously...

Lisa recovered,
made a conscious decision to survive
and after that live.....

What is our choice......
Do we sit with our emotions
and realise they are ours.
Perhaps we procrastinate and 
are not ready to deal with it yet.
But... are we choosing to deal with 
when the time is right...?

The coronavirus effects our lungs....
energetically connected with sadness,
with taking our space,
speaking our voice...

Do we deal with our sadness,
or don't we realise we are.....
Do we act on our emotions towards others
by choosing to defend ourselves,
blame and shame others
attract more of what we don't want.....
and choose to blame some more,
be angry......

Is there sadness inside of you,
sadness you 'choose' not to deal with....
you are afraid of....
How is society dealing with sadness,
with grief.....

All parents want the best for their child.
Their child is part of them,
and it feels 
-most of the time subconsciously-
were the parents are not in balance.....
They will mirror them,
they want to 'help' them heal.....
Can we see this,
are we open for this?

Are you prepared to sit with your emotion
or do you choose to look at the behaviour of your child
as something that is 'not good',
doesn't fit in your plan......
choose to control instead of trusting....

How did your parents deal with sadness and grief....
did you 'inherited',
with all the amazing things you inherited, 
also their sadness and grief... 

The corona pandemic is 'helping'....
We all get time to be more with ourselves.....

Do you take that time
or are you filling it with....more working,
afraid of being with yourself....
filling it with looking at all the things you can not do,
instead of looking what you can.....

Are you open minded or do you think you Know it all......

I realise more and more 
how much we are programmed.
It is easy to say 'it's because of rules in society'
but for me that is just an excuse....

We are programmed first by our parents,
the society we were born in....
We had to learn to live in this world,
so we couldn't really be our unique self yet we still think we can not,
do we start healing and 'bloom'....

We lived many years in the middle east
and there are lot's of rules and
lot's of freedom as well...

You 'only' have to be prepared 
to let go of the things you read and learned 
ABOUT living in another society
and start living IN it.....
be open for something new....
something different...

I hope you are prepared to do your own thing,
to let go of judgement,
starting with the judgement about yourself.

Accept if there is sadness in you.....
it is ok.....
Old programs need to go.......
'you have to be tough'
'boy's don't cry'
'you deal with it so well'
'only rich people get what they want'
'no one is helping us'
they are all old...

Sadness is part of life....
it helps us grow.....
It is part of the cycle of life....
after winter there will be spring again...

Can we, 
as Lisa McVey did:
use our past to help ourselves
and by that,
helping others?

By facing her fears,
and accepting help,
she could let go of people
that were not the best for her anymore.....
By doing this,
she made space to attract new people,
space for happiness
so she could be who she wanted to be.....

I was walking in the forest with a friend.

Some sheep and lamb were blocking our path.
No problem....
we just walked past them,
enjoyed the sight.
And then I wanted to open the gate...
it was stuck....

A lamb was blocking on the other side
and with a little push it didn't move.....
My friend said:
'just push a little harder, I help you'

That helped, the lamb jumped up 
and moved away....
I realised how challenging it is to go your own way
if someone nice is blocking it.....

I realised that I am 'afraid' of hurting the other.......
Did I hurt this lamb? jumped and moved away to the other lambs
went it's own way,
as I went my own...
Perhaps the lamb needed that little push,
how come my first thought
was about 'hurting someone'......?!?

Saturday 8 May 2021

Sugar coating....

I bought peonies,

the favorite flower of my mom.

One was blooming, the others didn't....

they even looked like dying.

Then I remembered that the flower buds

sometimes are covered with a sugar coating

and can not bloom because of this....

I rinsed them with warm water:

'if it doesn't work than it is ok as well,

they will not bloom if I don't do anything.'

A few hours later I already saw the color of the flower

and then they started to bloom.

The first flower blooming 

is already losing it's original colour:

still beautiful.

The others remind me of how it was before...

Sugar coating.....

For peonies it is not working,

if they want to bloom......

How is it with us?

How is it with our kids?

How is it with our society?

Where are we 'sugar coated',

so we don't have to bloom,

to show ourselves,

to be authentic,

use our unique inner power

and shine....

I had to help put the coating away,

not knowing what would happen


I was amazed.....

Do you ask for help if needed?

Sometimes it is not 'sugar coating' that prevents

us from 'blooming',

sometimes we hold on to something that is already dead....

We have two trees in the back yard,

and one of them is a Rowan tree.

I wrote about this tree in an earlier blog:

after the renovation we had to cut part of a root

and apparently it didn't get enough water.

We hoped it would be ok, but this year,

we saw lot's of branches that looked dead....

We gave it time and yesterday

we start cutting some branches...

They were dead, 

no live in it anymore.

We only kept the ones that showed new leaves....

lot's had to go....

Now we have to be patient and see how it goes,

if the tree can go on and start new branches

or that there is something else going on 

and it has to go....

Isn't this what is happening in ourselves

and in society at the moment?

Are we prepared to let go of what was,

once good, 

but not now anymore,

we need something new/different.

Are we prepared to look close and 

also see what is good,

even if it is challenging,

but something we need to keep...

Do we have the wisdom to see were we are 'sugar coating' 

what we need to keep and have to let go...

Sometime balance looks like a fixed point,

the middle between two opposites:

it isn't,

it's a 'wobbly' point.....

If you are in a sad place,

you will realise that their are happy moments as well,

perhaps not a lot in the beginning, but always some....

Every life has happiness and sadness,

we are looking for a way in the middle....


a 'wobbly point'......

not a fixed one....

This 'wobbly point' helps us to grow,

to make changes if we choose to,

choose to, 

because we know better now...

This picture makes me happy


this as well.....

I am at a wobbly point....

finding a new balance...

I realise this tree is a mirror

just as the peonies are...