Friday 29 July 2022

Choose to let go and be free....step by step....

 Uranus is helping us 
to let go of the rock ....

This morning I woke up and saw a butterfly 

inside the house at the window.

 I opened the window and had 'to help'

it, so it could fly away 

back to the the garden.....

Isn't that what we often do:

staying at a place that is not the best for us,

and we need help to let go and feel the freedom again....

Where are we stuck, where am I stuck....

Am I the change that I want to see in the world

or am I to afraid.....

Do I remember that I am powerful beyond measure

or do I remember the lack of love if I showed

my power, my courage....

Lot's of situations came up from my past,

situation that has something to do with being YOU,

about Saturn and Uranus....

- I resigned my job when I had to let go of a child,

because the child of the manager wanted to join and there

was not enough space.

I couldn't do it and quit. A half year later I was asked

as a teacher for the English children and a bit later

it became the teacher of both: English and Dutch children.

It was tough to decide: I loved teaching

only....not the way they wanted me to do it....

Choosing for Me, gave me fear AND....more opportunity's

Uranus: everyone is equal....

Saturn: be patient.

-After my parents died, my brother suggested

we should celebrate every birthday together.

We were just back in Holland and we had our own

way to celebrate birthdays and I said that we would

choose to do it our way and....

we would still make sure we connected....

Saturn: family patterns. Uranus: doing something different

AND still belong to the group/family.

-Jaap started working for a German company. 

They all came in wearing a suit and tie. 

After a few days he stopped doing that:

'we don't do that in Holland!' and not long after,

only a few people were suits....

Apparently they needed someone to lead the way....

Saturn: traditional rules. Uranus: outside appearances are not important.

-Ones smoking was the norm.

Company's earned lot's of money selling them,

hiding research that it was not so healthy.

They manipulated by advertisement:

 showing 'cool' people smoked....

Now you choose for yourself if you want to smoke or not.

It is your decision and your consequences.

Saturn and Uranus: you need to know both sides to make a decision.


-With social media the world became bigger,

we could connect with people around the world in a cheap way,

we could get information in a cheap way.

Now we know that a cheap way is not always a good way.

Uranus: social media, we are all connected.

Saturn: we need to set boundaries and realise 

that the choices we make

come with consequences as well.

If we want to be free as a butterfly,

we have to find a middle way between Saturn and Uranus.

We have to realise that freedom is only freedom

if we can set boundaries as well.

We have to respect that we all are different,

all have our own life to live

and our own time and space


-because we are ONE-

respect each others choices....

We can challenge them,

should challenge them if they touch something inside of us

AND.....make a decision:

change ourselves or set boundaries

and let go.

-All the food there is to eat.....if we don't set boundaries,

our body can not function as we like it to do....

-If we want to have an ideal temperature in our house

and have heating and airco all the time,

if we want to travel to far away places,

we have to remember that we use nature


there are boundaries as well....

If we only take then at one time there is nothing left.....

-If we choose work that earns very well,

but it is something that doesn't make you happy,

you will end up in a burn out or an unhappy life.

You are stuck on the bridge, called Chiron.....

Remember: Money/love/power is all the same energy....

 Are you serious about delayed gratification.....

Can you wait.....

like you had to wait when you were in school/university

to get your certificate to be prepared for the job you love,

like you had to wait to drive a car by yourself,

by practicing and taking many lessons?

Are you determent and patient....

are you prepared to do what is needed......'study/test/re-test..'

What do you choose?

To be honest: 

sometimes I still do the first one....

I like to run away......

When I do I know and feel it..... 

something I didn't realise before.....

I am not punishing myself anymore:

I realise there is still some old pain.....

an old wound being touched....

I am on the bridge from Saturn to Uranus....

I am compassionate with my self


I remember situations in the past 

were I let go of my fear and showed courage,

situation like I mention above....

Remembering the results of my choices

makes me feel more confident 

to deal with whatever comes.


If you look back at your life,

were did you show courage,

did you use Uranus energy to be free?

Remember, imagine....

and you will feel that energy again

and it will feed your courage

to deal whatever is blocking you now!

You can be that butterfly.....

Always realise that freedom is only freedom

if there are boundaries as well....

-for me it is the image of traffic:

I feel safe and secure even though I 

have to wait for traffic lights and follow the traffic sign's....-Saturn-

they make sure that I am safe and free to travel

were ever I want to go -Uranus-.......-

Thursday 28 July 2022

Be YOU: the world needs you.....

 Uranus and the Moons nodes are coming together,

and we will feel this energy the rest of the year.

Are we open to see the things as they are

or are we holding on to 'our way'......

Do we hold on

even if we are not happy 

and there is a lot of turmoil in our lives....

Do we prefer the old way

or are we open to let go

and go a new way...

The turmoil in our lives is Uranus 'talking to us':

-how is it with your integrity, your values?

-do you feel safe and secure?

-is there enough money and how do you use it?

-how are you dealing with nature and your environment?

We come from a place of hurt, misuse of power, fear

and feeling powerless and we found a way to deal with it:

mostly by putting walls around or feelings to survive.

By doing this we forgot our passion,

we forgot to be honest and fair to ourselves.

Now we have a choice, 

a choice to go from caterpillar to butterfly.....

realising this takes time, determination 

and also speaking up!

Most important: 

how patient are we with ourselves.....

as patient as the caterpillar to become a butterfly?

In Holland there were a lot of fires in animal barns,

long lines and lost luggage in airports.

Farmers who are angry and  putting lots of garbage

and burning hay on the highways.

Because of the war, 

energy prices go up 

and not all people have enough money to anticipate.

House prices go through the roof

and there is not enough labor in the building business.

Also not enough nurses,

teachers, and help in restaurants......

Uranus is calling: 

we are doing something 'wrong'.....

Did we forget what we want deep down,

did we do to much what other people expect from us?

Do we trust each other to be the best they can be,

or don't we even trust ourselves anymore....

As I mentioned in other blogs:

'we have to go over the bridge of Chiron to go to Uranus'

We HAVE to deal with our wound

if we want to go to the other side...

What do YOU want, were do YOU need to change.

Are you afraid to speak up for yourself?

Are you afraid if you do, 

you are not 'safe' anymore,

not loved anymore?!?

We have to realise we are not on the other side...yet.

We are on the bridge and have to deal with some 

old unsolved issues.... an immature Saturn,

Saturn in prison with an open door....

do we feel safe to walk out?

Saturn is the government, 

education, hospitals, police, parents.

There is a structure only:

are there to many rules,

rules that prevent people to think for them selves

and make changes when needed......

Do parents allow children to choose for themselves?

Do they trust them and are they allowed to grow

-meaning making 'mistakes'-

How is it with teachers?

Do parents trust them to do the best for there kids they realise a class is 'a group'....

Does the government trust the teachers

or do they need million rules....

rules that prevent them to look at the individual as well.....

You only can change if you don't have to proof yourself anymore...

you trust yourself, you do the best you can

and if you know better, you do better.

You can say sorry and can forgive.

You Know you ARE LOVE......

I understand and believe in rules 


I also believe in the responsibility of people!

Yes.....some are not responsible and honest,

and I strongly believe

that they will be hold accountable for their deeds:

that is just how energy works......

So lets start with ourselves!

Demonstrations are Uranus: a group comes together,

because there are old dated rules that need change.

A mature energy of Uranus.

If a group fights, burns stuff and hurt people,

then it is an immature energy...

If you are offended by that, realise

that you probably have some immature energy yourself....

Find out what it is:

where in your life are you not authentic? 

Instead of pointing at 'those people',

look inside yourself......

now is the time!

I had a lot of mirrors the last week

and I realised that I could let it be.

The structure of Saturn I kept,

without the guilt and shame of an immature Saturn.

Lots of unexpected events made live adventures,

sometimes challenging and fun.

There is still the mirror of my skin at my right knee:

what is going on.......

probably my soul want me to let go of

some old patterns 

that a part of me still wants to hold on to......

Wow: isn't live interesting

never a dull moment:-)

Monday 11 July 2022

Letting go feels like.....


If you look at me, while watching the F1,

you wouldn't recognize me.....

I....don't recognize myself.....

I walk away when it starts

like I do when I watch a movie with a lot of suspension..

This is 'strange'.....

how come I can not watch it, 

am so anxious about it....

I remember my mom 

talking about her mother in-law, my grandmother,

she could be reacting when watching a movie

in the same way and......

I felt my mom thought it was a bit ridiculous...

Jaap has the same reaction when he looks at me

when I walk away....

Could it be that I let in to much energy from the outside

and don't know how to set boundaries?

Could it be, 

that even though I Know it is good and important to set boundaries,

that deep down there is an unhealed part,

that doesn't accept that I am more sensitive than I think

and believes I have to 'act and react like others expect me to'.....

So I found a middle way:

I walk away and do 'something else'


if I feel I want to see a part again, 

I go back and start watching.


I watch a movie and/or sports

and write a blog/clean the house or do some laundry.....

all at the same time....

Jaap accepts that I walk away

and doesn't have to react all of the time anymore

because I accept 

that I need to set these boundaries...

even though it can be weird for others.....

My mirror....

I am sure there will be a time 

when I can watch and enjoy the whole race/movie/play

and also that I can decide to do something else....

I did already last time: Jaap watched and I went swimming....

This is also how healing looks like....

How challenging it can be to choose for yourself

if you feel that a loved one doesn't like your choice.....

especially for a vulnerable child.....

I wanted to please my mom......

she could be very judgemental.....

and as a child that must not feel very safe.....

even if her judgement wasn't towards that child

but on people around it or a situation...

However I Know she did it from a place of love,

a wounded love, not unconditional....

She didn't experience this when she was a child.

Working hard, pleasing her parents,

making sure she did well in society...

to make her parents/my grandparents proud.....

I wonder what will happen with the children born now

in a situation of war/lack/fear.

-the same situation as my parents/grandparents were in-

Will they act like my mom and grandparents

or did we as community/world grow and heal enough

and don't they have to go through the same emotions.....

Can they set boundaries, can they be unique/different,

can they choose what they want,

who they want to be


do they still have to 'please' their parents/society......

Let's decide to show them that it is ok,

let's start by leading by example.

Sunday 10 July 2022

Going through the 'loch'....

Solar flames/storms, Shuman frequencies,
the Comet K2 comes very close to the earth
and the full moon has a strong emotional Pluto aspect:
we are being 'helped'.....

'an unlearning, an excavation, a remembering of who we were
before the world got its hands on us....
And.....sometimes it is challenging:
be nice to yourself,
'forgive yourself for not knowing then,
what you know now....

expect emotions to come up
and remember: 
you can deal with it
and you don't have to do it all by yourself.....


The Comet K2 was first seen in 2017,
just between the planets Saturn and Uranus....
As if it came to help us  to go 'over the bridge'.....
-Chiron....the wounded healer'

Going from what we think others wants us to be and do - Saturn-
to find out who we really are,
what we really wanted to do and Be -Uranus-.
To be unique AND part of a community.

The Comet exist of ice and dust.....
it is a 'primitive Comet':
are we prepared to deal with 'frozen emotions'?
or does 'dust' prevents us of seeing clearly......

-I had a challenge with writing this blog:
it changed into a language I didn't choose to....
it took time to find out what it was:
I needed to accept, ask help
and.....realised I could do it myself :-)-

If you feel others need to change:
think again......
The other is 'just' a mirror of you....
Are you ready to change?
Are you ready to remember who you are?
Are you prepared do deal with your fear ?

We went on a bike ride and past a loch.
One loch door was open, the other closed.
When walking around we saw a boot coming from far.
We decided to wait.....

The boot navigated in the loch
and it had to wait....
an 'in between'.....
It has to trust that others would do what was needed
so it could safely go one.....
when the time was right....

And ....
all of a sudden I see the name of the boat: 
The sign in Astrology that stands for 
'vision, growing, healing, higher knowledge, consciousness'.
The symbol is a horse with a human head:
knowledge needs grounding or it can not be used.....

Sagittarius is the preacher, the lawyer, 
teacher, entrepreneur, missionary, travel agent....
What if the preacher 
is not living the morals he preaches....
What if the travel agent 
is talking about places he never went himself.....
What if the teacher teaches without looking at the student 
'did they get it?' but 'talks over their heads'...

feeling safe and secure,
enough money, healthy body 
and emotional in balance.
We all need grounding,
and being in this 'loch' helps us....

One of the characteristics of Sagittarius is also:
if it knows better it changes and does better.
It means to be always open for new information
and to be open for change.
Un unhealed Sagittarius can tell other people
to changes because 'I have all the wisdom'.....
'I know it all'.....
afraid to look at the 'mirrors'
life is presenting....

We are all in this 'loch'......
dealing with our emotions -water-,
We need to be in balance again
before we go on 
and that takes time
and trust......
It needs looking in the mirrors
of people/society/world.


We can choose to go through the loch door and move on
or we can stay were we are....
WE have to take the first step...

We only can do this if we trust.... 
if we feel safe to take action,
'the next step'....

It feels at the moment that a lot of people
are in this 'loch'......
wanting to go through the next door only...
not all emotions are in balance yet....

Emotions will come up and it can be fearful:
be patient and trust.
You will Know when you are ready....
remember: there is no competition...

you don't have to find yourself,
you ARE already yourself.
Life helps you to feel it again,
to let go of some layers,
unhealthy believes.
In 2008 it was the start of the wake up call,
the transformation in the world,
as mirror of all of us.
Now we are at the end:
how did the transformation go.
How are the leaders of our world,
they are mirroring us.....
How do we deal with nature:
do we respect it,
do we realise that we are here because of it,
or do we go on mistreating it,
it will give us mirrors as well....

Do we have to be afraid?
No......that is an old emotion....
we should take action,
small changes will take us a long way
let's do it with respect
to ourselves and the people around us,
remembering we all have our own timing
and we get all the time we need.


Friday 1 July 2022 takes time....

 A new month and a reminder....

How big is our trust and how big is our control......

Do we have a mature ego or an immature one.....

Are we determent and patient

speak up and take time to change

or are we rebellious and destroy. 

First of all: we are not stuck!

We can change,

we can take little steps

and remind ourselves that we get as many chances

that we need to change..

I for sure need this and......have accepted it.

When I look back at challenging times, 

the year 1962 came up frequently.

I wrote about it in my blogs: 

my sister was born and she got red socks from my aunt.

'You can wear them till they fit her!'

I loved the socks and felt really bad when after

a while there was a little whole in it.

I know now that the socks were mine,

but then I took my a aunt literally.....

As if I couldn't believe I could get something so nice

just for if I didn't deserve it....

I know now that this is different

and the cosmos showed me  many times

how generous it is and that 'I am worth it!'

This time, when I went back to 1962,

 I felt something different:

the tension in the room,

the tension from a lot of people......

What was going on?!?

All of a sudden I remember she was born with 'a growth'

behind her ears......

My mom thought it was ok,

but the doctor convinced her to let her go to the hospital:

'for a girl this is not ok'.

For people who had sessions with me,

know how I work: I check if there are similar situations

who are related to this situation,

that are blocked as well.

I found more.....

all about situations that I felt emotions,

but didn't know what to do about it,

because it was not in the open.

Emotions/tension from a group of people:


I gave it meaning.....only not always the right one.....

 We all are wounded....

and that is good to accept....

We all react sometimes in a way to cover up our wound....

Some do it by fighting,

some by hiding.

Some by getting ill,

others by wearing 'masks'.

Others by eating a lot,

others by eating nothing.

Some by always taking,

others by always giving.

We also have to realise that it is not only our wound,

but also the wound of the generation before us

we have to deal with......

Trust and control.......

I used a lot of ways to hide my wounds

and the wounds of my parents/society.

By choosing to deal with them,

I don't have to hide so much anymore.

However...... I still have my ways.

One of them is eating when I am not hungry

and at a strange time.

Sometimes I just accept

that it is what it is

and can I relate it to a situations.

It looked like this time I 'had to' look deeper

and had to look at 1962 one more time....

and at other situations after that,

relating to this.....

It seems I am ready to forgive and love myself a bit more,

it seems I am ready - and most likely I need-

to set more/better boundaries.

I like to be the moon in someone's darkest hour


I also like to be the Sun.....

not only to lighten up someone's else life,

but to use it to enjoy my life even more.

To be the change I like to see in the world,

to light the way.

A path of challenges AND fun,

a path of healing AND joy,

a path of letting go of control AND growing trust,

a path of speaking up AND respecting each other.

There is still a war in Ukraine

in Holland there is a 'war' with the farmers,

in Lebanon with 'the gay community'

in America with 'old' judges.

How do we treat our body's,

how nature.....

Lot's of challenges,

lot's of wounds.

Also lot's of research, understanding,

and more awareness.

We need to shed some more layers

till we come at our essence:

Love and light.

Give yourself and each other the time

to heal and to trust again,

don't fall for a wounded reaction.....

have compassion for your own wounded reaction.....

and remember:

Life is to be lived and enjoyed!