Sunday 30 December 2018


Just after I posted my last blog,
I got 'a sign'.....

…..a sign nobody likes to get and.....
an important sign, because it wants to 'help' me.
- 'if this is help, I don't want to know what 'not helping' means'
could be a reaction I can relate to ;-)-

We have a car with all kinds of sensors and it 'beeps' a lot ;-)
This time there was no beep and …..a small pole….
not high enough for the sensors
and high enough to do some damage….

It gave me an opportunity to look in myself 
what I didn't want to see,
something in the past 
- I drove backwards -
that was still there,
something I couldn't see
but.....still 'hurt' me...

It was -as my dad always called it- 'learning money'.....
something you like to learn in a different way
if it would be something conscious :-)

I also got other signs,
a great present to end a special year:
A firepit with on each side a special saying.
'Always find time for the things 
that make you feel HAPPY to be alive'

'Do what you LOVE what you do'

A reminder for 2019 and...make sure it is YOUR dream!
With the 'sign of the car'
 I found it had to do with Self love,
with being 'afraid' to be different
-as if different was bad…-

It had to do with past lives or 
-if that feels better for you-
with old family patterns.
It had to do with not accepting
that what I feel and others not,
is not wrong, 
it is just different,
and sometimes important to share.

Respecting the other is good,
if you also respect yourself…..
If the other can not respect you,
than sometimes the only thing you can do
to respect yourself,
is letting go of the other…

So this side: a very important reminder!

Be yourself, 
surround yourself with people that see YOU,
they don't have to agree with you all the time,
they 'just' have to respect you,
as you respect them.
Surround yourself with good 'food',
not only what you eat but also good books,
good movies.

Give yourself permission to let go
so you can shine, 
be the light for yourself,
so you can also be that light
for the people around you.

My amaryllis opened today :-)
It was a good 2018,
lots of unexpected events,
lots of emotions,
lots of letting go,
lots of love and peace
as you see in the amaryllis,
not all the flowers are opened yet….

Nature knows best
somethings need more time and
we have to have patience
and trust that all happens for a reason,
even if we don't see 'why'... 

I look forward to 2019,
and wish you lots of signs,
 lots of 'blooming'
lots of peace, love and happiness.

Thursday 13 December 2018

Wishing you all an amazing 2019

Christmas 2018
I wish you all a relaxed time with friends and family
I wish you also a relaxed time with yourself.
Make sure you celebrate Christmas the way YOU want it.
Traditions are always good and nice
if there is also room for everyone individually….

I am sure there will be people missed,
Some who are not in this world anymore,
Some who went another path.
I hope you can be grateful and feel blessed for them in your life:
you wouldn't be the person you are now without them...

For some it will be a last Christmas the way it is now,
it could be by illness, it could be by a move or separation.
Make sure you feel grateful,
so you can take that feeling with you in 2019,
so you can attract new events,
events that make you look forward to 2019.
So enjoy :-)!

New Year 2019
This bulb has anything in it what it needs,
we don't have anything to do.....
just wait and trust.

I don't know when it will bloom,
just as I don't know when I 'will bloom'.
The 'only' thing I can do is making sure
that I know what makes me happy,
so I went on with cutting old magazines :-)

If you need some ideas: re-read my blogs from december 2016,
they are still accurate.
They are in Dutch, but there is a translation link.

Wish yourself all what you want
and realize that, like the bulb,
everything is already in you.

You can only wish what is inside of you,
have patience and do the things you need to do
keep on letting go of old patterns and habits:
if you don't have the live you want, you
-don't live YOUR life or
-there are still old patterns blocking you….

 Know and remember:
we are One, 
each others mirrors.
So instead of blaming the mirrors,
lets look inside and change,
so we attract different mirrors,
mirrors that make us smile more,
relax more.

So for 2019: 
be grateful
let go
have fun
be patient
and be amazed!

Thursday 29 November 2018

Looking back at 2018

This is one part of my life cycle plan of 2018. 
Lots of things happened, it was not a very calm year.
When I look back at this part, I can say:
Yes, I am happy, 
there is lot's of love in my life.

I am still curious and relaxed...…
even though challenging situations occurred.
I am grateful.

I realize more and more that body and mind are one.
I also realise that I can not solve other peoples 'problems'
even though a part of me would…..if I could 
I also realise that I would withhold then to learn and grow:
What a challenge sometimes to see people go through hardship
and you Know it it THERE path and not your path to walk....

Your mind is soooo important.
If you don't have the life you want,
KNOW there are old patterns in your mind
that want/need to let go.
It looks more challenging to take the path to let go,
it is much more painful in the long run 
to hold on to patterns that are outdated… don't have to do it alone…
ask help if needed.

I travelled, we travelled to a lot of places.
I had great trips with Jaap, with the children and also with family and friends.
-I even got a bonus brother/family ;-)-
We went karting, on a hot air ballon, paragliding,
swimming with sharks…..
lot of adventure 
I saw lot of feathers…..
also before I had to let go of my brother in physical form...

I am still a dreamer,
and want to stay one...
I will go on learning as long as I live
and....I know I will get a lot more changes
to be the best I can be.

Accepting that what comes in my life should be there
is getting more easy,
even though it is not always what I would choose ;-)

I also know, it is MY story
and.....not everyone sees it the same as I and....that is ok

Coming year there will be a new kitchen ;-)
There will be more opportunity's
and....perhaps I put a bit less traveling on my lifecycle plan of 2019
so it will be a bit more relaxing.....;-)
We will see: I KNOW that I am being guided
and trust that that will happen what is best for me and the people around me.

Love and Peace
that is what I wish you all
I hope you take time to look back at 2018 the coming weeks,
so you can make a great start for 2019

I hope you can be grateful for all the things that happened in your life
and if you can not see why this needed to happened,
I hope you can at least accept it:
it is the only thing you can do
-the situation will not change anymore-
so you can go forward and attract all the things you want in 2019.

Tuesday 16 October 2018

Turmoil and gratefulness....

Can you enjoy life and be grateful,
even though there is a lot of turmoil around you?

This is not always easy,
for a lot of people it is a challenging time
and not easy to stay outside 'the drama'.
As you see in the picture, there is a fence
between me and the fast flowing river.
How is it with your 'fence'?

In real life we have to make our own 'fence',
boundaries to protect ourselves.

Last month I realised something special:
it is as if I am protected in a new way.....
I realise this is 'a new step' and it feels good :-)

I remember years ago, someone asked me about Reiki:
he thought it was a 'fixed' energy.
My answer:
'no, there is no ceiling….if you raise your consciousness,
and let go of energy that is blocking you,
you can let more energy go through you
and 'the ceiling will be raised'.
It is so great to feel that there is no end of learning,
that growing never stops :-)

Live is as the rapid stream on the picture:
the best thing is to look at the flow,
and don't jump in ;-).
Look at the stream while you have a fence between you,
till you don't need a fence and your natural way of protecting yourself
can take over again.

We were in Canada to see family on thanksgiving.
For me Canada is very special.
I am so thankful
my uncle and dad decided
it would be really good for me
to visit the family in Canada:
it was good for my English...…
-I was 15 years old and afraid to talk in a different language
so I wasn't so keen to go at the time...-

When I met my family there,
I realised that I could be Me,
I had to speak English
-they couldn't speak Dutch-
they understood me!!
I couldn't believe it and.....
I had so much fun, felt free and accepted.

After that trip, I changed,
I realised I didn't have to conform all the time.
I am so thankful for all of them in my life,
especially my aunt:
she made sure I could have a good time at the time
instead of taking care of others…..

Realise that sometimes you have to do things
that you are 'scared' of.
As a child or young adult you need parents/roll models
who will 'give you a push' or a break, if needed.
As an adult,
you have to give yourself 'a push' or a break, or
life will give you one...

We had great weather and the trees looked beautiful,
the autumn in Canada is famous for its colours.
I loved the 'raining of leaves'….
When we came back to Holland
I saw that the leaves were beautiful here as well
and there were also 'raining leaves'..

Sometimes we think
we have to find peace and beauty outside ourselves:
it could be in an other country,
it could be in an other person,
it could be in an other career,
we forget that the beauty comes to us,
if we are ready to attract it....
if we have the courage to look inside,
and let go what is blocking us.

This month the energy helps us to go inside.
Are you happy and at peace with yourself,
are you relaxed and loving life or
do you in some parts,
but not in other parts of your life?
Are there parts where you feel stuck
and are afraid to take the next step?

Do you Know what you want?
This month is a good month to take time for yourself
so you can feel if you are stuck somewhere,
If you are, you can choose to take a new step.
As from next month, Uranus,
the planet of change of authenticity,
is going back in Aries till the beginning of March.
You get the chance to change were it is needed,
to take new steps so you will feel more at peace
and in balance with yourself:
perhaps you realise you don't need more things,
but better things,
more time with some people instead of time with lots of people,
good food instead of processed food,
follow a course or read some good books.

Check the 5 pillars:
-How is it with your body?
-How is it in relationships?
-Do you Know, you can do what ever you want?
-Are you happy with your contribution to society:
work or in your free time?
-Do you attract the money you like: do you use your power,
do you love yourself?

The biggest challenge:
Do you feel happy, do you feel at peace,
can you stay with yourself even though there is 'a storm' outside you?
Do you believe you deserve everything you want of
do you believe this is all you can get...

Take it easy....step by step brings you a long way.

Enjoy a walk in nature, bring some coloured leaves home
or some shells -if you are in a hot country ;-)- and be grateful.

If it is very tough for you at the moment:
be nice to yourself,
ask help if you need it and....stay being grateful:
you can be grateful for sun that is shining,
grateful for a smile
for a roof on your head,
grateful that this day is over
so you can start over tomorrow.
Realise you are not alone:
meet with loved ones
and Know we are all a big family :-)

Have a great month!
… have to go deep sometimes, and sometimes you don't get what you think you need…..
realise that you always get what is best for you, at that moment and.....
at the end, there will be a rainbow….

Tuesday 11 September 2018

Venus: do you attract what you like or are you sabotaging yourself?

the planet of love, money, abundance, beauty
and also of self sabotage and illusion.
This planet will be very important the last months of this year.

Do you realise you are a channel and  not the source of power:
you attract what is inside of you.
What do you attract?
Look around you…..
If you don't like it,
change the energy inside of you.

The last months Venus went through Virgo and Libra.
In these signs/energy,
it is easy to take care of others
and 'forget' to take care of yourself.
If you did this,
then you get the chance
to change this the coming months,
so there will be balance again
and you attract what makes you happy.

Come with me.....

This song says it in a great way:
'You are perfect just the way you are'
sometimes deep down,
we don't believe that ourselves.

We are now in an energy that
will help you to show old habits and old patterns
so you can let them go
and replace them with new ones
so you are open to receive:
a magnet for abundance :-)

As from Sept. 9
Venus is in the sign of Scorpio,
the sign of passion, honesty, being brave, true friends,
being resourceful.
It will show you if there is lack of self worth:
people around you and/or
situations will show you…
You can be confronted with violents, distrusting, jealousy, stubbornness
and secrets that will be revealed:
all to help you to let go.

You get the change to choose:
do you want to stay in illusions and self sabotage
or do you use your power and courage
to deal with old patterns and let go of what is not good for you anymore….
so you can attract all that you really want.

Venus will go retrograde on October 5th,
and is already in its shadow as of Sept. 3th.
You will get signs about your unique theme
for the coming months,
were and if you don't love yourself
the way you should,
so you can change this.

My theme came up when Venus went in the shadow period.
Even though I know that I have to let go of some people,
a part of me, still hopes that it could be different as it is.....
'Why am I still holding on to something that is not good for me?!?'
Probably because deep down I believe that to let go
is worse then holding on to it.....

This was in the shadow period,
so I know I will get new chances
in the retrograde period - Oct. 5 till Nov 16-
I get the chance to go inside and let go
so I will attract more what I really like :-)
The shadow period is till dec. 18

If these things are happening,
make sure you are not to hard on yourself….
realise that a part of you still wants to hold on to old habits,
those were once very important....
Realise that you don't need them anymore….
they are blocking your light,
you are worth more then you think…..

How is it with your job?
Do they appreciate you?
Do you do the job you love?
Perhaps you need a change or stand up for yourself.
-Venus has also to do with money!-

It is a good time to connect,
be passionate
It is also a time when people can be angry,
because they don't want to take responsibility…

In Holland 2 children had to leave the country:
they could go back to there home country,
they were not really refugees.
However, they lived there whole life in holland,
couldn't speak another language,
so for them Holland was there home country….
At the end they could stay.
For the children it is good they stay, however:
how come they stayed in a procedure for years
when they had 'no right' to stay in Holland.
How come that 'lying' and 'manipulating' is working…..
Also: what means 'no right' to be in a country.....
I am sure the coming months it will be part of lots of discussions.

The most important: how is it in your life....
are you sabotaging your life?
Where do you do this?
It could be personal, work wise and also health wise:
are you eating and drinking what is good for you,
or are you sabotaging there….

What kind of friends do you have, do you have room for new ones?
Are there friend that are not in the same energy anymore and.....
how do you deal with that?

I wish you all the time to reflect, rethink, relax and
to cherish yourself.
Give yourself time to let go,
and enjoy time with people you love,
Be open for abundance
and use your courage
to deal with some old habits and patterns:
choose to let them go if they are not helping you,
so there is space for new.

Come with me.....

Have an amazing month.

Wednesday 8 August 2018

Patience or procrastination.

For a lot of people,
it not easy to have patience
the difference between procrastination
is not so clear.

We like to have NOW what we have in our minds:
it could be the perfect relationship,
the perfect weight,
the best job and salary,
abundance and peace in our life...…

A part of us
still behaves like a little child.
A child that needs its parents
to feel safe and secure.
Parents who do there best,
but didn't get 'a manual',
the child doesn't feel safe all the time.
It looses its trust
and forgets the natural power that is inside….
That is when we start to live a life that is not authentic…..

We decide that it is better to keep what we have:
if gives us security, even if it is false security:
as if a part of us doesn't believe
that we deserve more then we have now,
and that we have the power to create what we like seems we need this experience,
so we can learn and grow and.....if we 'get it'
we can let go of this pattern
and be authentic again..

When do we have to be patient
and when should we take an other approach.
It is a fine line...
If we need another approach and there are emotions blocking it,
we like to procrastinate..….
'we will look at it next month,
now is not the time,
it is not so bad.....yet…..'
A part of us doesn't like to deal with these emotions….
the child is sometimes more powerful then the adult part.
We forget that we as adults CAN deal with it.

It is as the elephant on the little pool:
as a baby it learned to stay there,
as a grown elephant they are so much stronger then the pool
and they could easily be free, only…..
the little elephant inside
still believes it can not go....

You see this in health matters,
-exercise and healthy eating-
in jobs
-staying in a job because it pays the bills,
and not starting building a new job or to have patience
because the job is new-
in relationships
-when do you need to have patience
and when should you take action and stop a relationship-

I am a person with lots of patience with others,
not so much with myself…..;-)
Last month I learned a lot.
After we went to Bahrein I felt I needed to look at my diet,
not because I have a weight challenge,
but because if felt it was important.
I wanted to do that for some months, but....
'it isn't the time'
'it is not really necessary' etc etc.

It went very easy for me,
and I could let go of some old patterns
and then…..

my brother died….
family patterns came up
and I realised after this,
that I was procrastinating…..
A part of me still hoped that
we could have an 'ideal situation'
-the situation that I had in my head ;-)-

I realised that I was procrastinating….
I had to stop hoping for something that was not possible.
It was time to let go of a part of me
that didn't respect 'me'.
This was not the first time!
I thought I had let go and accepted….
because of an 'anger' reaction, I realised
there was a deeper part in me,
that wanted to let go now as well.
Together with family we did a constallation with horses:

There I realised that we are still a family,
the horses made sure we felt togetherness,
even though we are not at the same place at the moment.

How many people are not happy with there body
and can not take the step to take action:
Do you need to be patient or are you procrastinating?

How many people are in relationships
that are not good for them,
they are a false security.
How afraid is a part of us not to belong,
so we stay in a situation that is not the best,
'not bad enough to change'?

How is it with your job?
Do you like it, or are you in it 'to pay the bills'
Do you Know the courage that is inside of you
or did you forget…..?

How is it with grief...
Some people like to go back as normal as soon as possible
and are tough on them  selves if they are sad or angry:
they need to have patience....
To let go of a loved one takes time,
time to heal the loss….

However at one time the grief has to change in
gratitude, in a desire to life again,
to love again, to enjoy live again…..
It can be easier to stay a victim ….
then you don't have to take action will not grow and be happy either.
Procrastination…...and being patient….it is a thin line
and different for different people.

We are back in Holland now,
it is the right
There are so many 'coincidences' that we know it is good.
We were procrastinating….
we liked what we did, were we where
was it best for our souls…..?
Probably not ;-)

We feel we need to have patience.....not always easy ;-)
but also not to procrastinate……
It is a fine line between these two and I am so glad
the cosmos is helping me to see the signs :-)

I wish you all the wisdom to see the difference between these two
and......have patience with yourself if you don't see the difference yet….
You will and....if not the first time,
you get many new opportunities :-)

Have an amazing month.

Wednesday 4 July 2018

'Fokit'......let go and be YOU, YOU are special!

I was sitting outside with a niece
when we saw a group of people walking towards the crematory

with a wrath with 'fokit' on it...…
They were talking Dutch so probably they came for my brother….

They did.
A great group of people who where shocked,
They got a whatsapp 2 weeks ago with
'I am not feeling so good'.....
They didn't realize that this was very special....
he didn't even told some of his brothers……

They reacted with:
'it will be ok soon, you can do it,
it is just temporary…..'
They new him as active, 1000 idea's, upbeat and positive,
they didn't realize that telling other people
'I am not feeling so good'
was being vulnerable,
meaning they where so safe to him
that he could share that….
I hope they will always realise
how important they were for him….

How come he could say that to others and couldn't use it himself…

How come he didn't think he was ok,
 just the way he was,
How come he thought his business wasn't ok,
and nobody would listen to his idea's
-after his dead, the company let his wife know,
that they changed somethings because they saw
that his idea's were so good…..-

How come he couldn't say 'fokit'....
'if you don't like me, to bad for you,
you are missing out!'
'I have lots of people who like me and that is enough.'
 'I have patience, perhaps it is not now, but I am sure that if what I do
is good, it will happen'…

How come he didn't know how important he was for his children
or....did he know something we didn't know….

Did he know that his wife would make sure his children would be ok,
and did he know that she is much more powerful than she thinks she is....
That she will make sure they are ok,
 that they can be them selves,
unique and authentic,
that she will do it different then her mom did,
-she also lost her dad when she was very young-
because she lives in a different time and is a different person,
that she will make sure they realize how important they are
and....don't have to do anything but...

Be themselves.

I am  sure it must be very difficult as a mom to loose a husband....
to take care of yourself AND make sure it will be ok for your children….
It must make you angry as well: you choose together for your children
and now you have to do it yourself….
and....there is not another choice…..
You have to put yourself a side sometimes, because you are an adult....
not always easy...

I am sure you have to say 'Fokit'....many times,
it is not important what other people think, it is important
what makes YOU happy and....what makes YOUR children happy...…

We all had a very special farewell:
lots of happy memory's, the feeling of togetherness,
and also tears….

Trust and letting go of control...…

Old memory's and patterns came up, so we could let them go and....
also realizing that not everyone wants to let them go....
as if it is  safer to hold on and be a victim,
then use your power....

For me/us it was 'Fokit'.....
we are ready to let go,
so love, joy and happiness can fill the space.
Also realizing that dealing with old emotion is a must
if we want to make room for love joy and happiness….

We are happy he in our lifes for 48 years.
He showed us to be happy
and think outside the box
and we...…
we choose to be happy
and if people don't like it....
live is to short not to have fun……

Do we need these experience…..?
I always hope we don't need it,
that we can learn it in an other way,
who are we to judge….
we don't know the big picuture…

The only thing we can do
is accept what is,
choose to be happy.

Thursday 28 June 2018

Let it be.....

When I wrote the last blog
I couldn't imagine,
that 2 days later, on June 26,
I would have the next challenge
of letting go of control,
of accepting,
Knowing that what was confronting me
would be the best for me and everyone around me....
even though it didn't feel like it....

Let it be…..

The last days I feel I am in a cocoon.
It feels safe and good.
I am packing the rest of the stuff,
cleaning the house, be ready to move.
In between I am in contact by skype, whatsapp
with people who are very close.

Tomorrow morning we are flying back to Holland.
We are starting a new fase in our life
and letting go is part of that.

And then -like Uranus likes to do-
something unexpected happens….
My brother went missing.…..

Straight away we knew
that something was not right...
We get a half day
to feel old fears, to let go,
so we can face what will be next....

We will fly to Amsterdam and then we don't go home,
but fly to Mallorca....
Out of this cocoon, back into the world,
more to let go.....

Yesterday I heard a bit what he wrote
in the letter he left for his children and his wife
and I had a good night of sleep.
I woke up with tears and a realisation….
Self worth…

My brother made a lot of people happy.
When he was born,
he made the family happy:
we all lost a brother a year ago
and he was fun, nice, happy:
just what we all needed…

He made his goal in life to make other people happy,
When he was around
people expected him to be funny
so they could laugh…

Like me, he went away, living abroad.
There he made more people happy.
He met his wife in Mallorca
and they have 3 wonderful children.
He started a foundation called 'Gime 5':
he wanted people to give to the community,
to work together for a better world….

When I heard the great things he wrote to his children and his wife,
and also asks for forgiveness and that he was sorry,
I realised he didn't know that only a great father
and a great husband could write a letter like this…
but he didn't know…..
he didn't know his own greatness,
he didn't know that being vulnerable
is part of greatness as well.

Do we know?
Do we have patience with our selves?
Do we Know we are good Just the way we are?
Do we need the approval of the people around his
to feel we are good or do we Know we are good…..
Can we be vulnerable and Know we are still being loved,
or do we have to wear a mask all day…
Can we enjoy the path and realise we will get there
when we get there, everyone has his own pace,
there is no competition.
If you have to wear a mask all day,
you will be tired….
it is to heavy....
Let it go...….Let it be....

His wife has a great voice and he made sure,
that she started doing what she loved the most:
he was so proud.
His children wanted to be unique, themselves and
are teenagers and pre/teenagers now.
They mirrored his way of thinking:
'Be yourself, be unique.'
This was also challenging:
the world likes it more when children act the way
'all' the children is 'easier to handle'

'Can you be unique AND be part of society...…'

Not easy....
he saw that in his family
and in society.....
and he didn't realise
he only had to be himself….
he was more then enough…..
And he showed in his life he had the courage
to go against mainstream,
he never had a dull life:
he didn't realise how special that was..

If you are 'full' you can give easily,
you give
and if you are praised or not,
you feel good.
He didn't have so much patience with himself:
he wanted to give NOW.
He had patience with the people around him,
not with himself.

I Know it is good as it is,
and I also know
I should have patience with my self and
take the time to be sad,
even though I know he is happy now..

I want him to know how special he still is,
how important he is for his wife and children
and lots of people around him.
He woke us up....
Perhaps this was the only way.....

Your ashes will be scatterd on the beach where you were married.
That beach will be special.

Your energy will be there,
it tells us:
share your life together
with the people you love,
have fun,
don't be to serious,
deal with old emotion and also:
don't take that that to serious,
take it step by step, be patient with yourself.

Forgive, life is short,
laugh and share.

Be the Sun in your own life,
and shine so bright,
and keep shining,
so you help others to shine.
Always be YOU.

Your life was important,
will always be important.

And in the meantime,
we morn, are sad,
share memories,
and are happy you were in our life
and still will be in our life.
We only have to accept we can
not hear your laugh,
get a bear hug
and hear 'dag lief zusje'

My last words to him were 'Ik hou van jou'...
It was the first and last time I said that to him….
I am happy I did…
Lets say it more often....
but first:

Do something great for YOU today,
to celebrate his and so many other peoples