Monday 20 September 2021

.....I was still running....Part 3


Every year we celebrate our birthday.

The Sun goes round in one year,

so your birthday is the time 

when the Sun is on the same place 

as when when you were born.

I sounds clear, but it is not always so:

it can be that the Sun is in the exact place

a day later or a day earlier than the year you were born!

On that day you get new Sun energy,

and you set the energy for the year,

so it is important to celebrate it 

as YOU want to celebrate it,

you should 'Shine'...

I always take time to look back 

and to look forward around the time of my birthday.

When I read my diary from last year,

I realised that I mentioned 'not feeling well'

and 'same as last year',

also: 'I get new Sun energy,

so it will be ok'

We had great days in Scheveningen,

and this was one of the pictures I made.....

I felt good AND had a cough....

-in these times of corona it is challenging,

you realise that you are 'not supposed to cough' anymore ;-)-

I love the sea, the boats,

the people around it.

All enjoying them selves 

and.....take it easy,

even if they are busy.....

I saw this boat, saw it's smiley face

and loved the name: 'Noordster' -North Star-

It reminded me to follow my path...

When we drove back home and...

my coughing fits were still very strong,

I decided to look at it, 

as I would with my clients:


'not running, but moving'

It was exactly on the day of my Sun return,

a day before my birthday.

I was shocked when I asked for the theme:

 'hopelessness, it will never get better, giving up hope...'

What was going on?!?

Was it that bad?!?

In a way it was....only....

it came for old emotions,

still stored in my cell memory.....

The last years I got 'signs' but

I decided not to 'move' completely....

I needed more time,

I found excuses not to look.

Now it was the time.

I looked at situations in the past:

-letting go of family and the fear of doing something wrong,

-starting my practice and feeling 'can I really help people:

who do I think I am?!?'

-my first job as a teacher and feeling the odd one out:

'why don't we work together so I will be better for children,

why are we following a system that doesn't work for all?!?'

When I came to that situation,

I got a bad coughing fit and....

realised I should have a look at the meaning of that as well:

'coughing up inner resistance, outlet of suppressed anger'....

Then I came to my birth......

and felt the energy I took with me in this world,

and it also had to do with past lives/family patterns.

I realised that in this life I got the chance

to learn to take matters in my own hand,

to realise that I have the power and courage inside,

and it is ok to use it...

When I look back at the situations

I tested,

I realised I showed courage,

more than I realised in the past....

Perhaps I was 'to quick' for some people

and was society not always ready.

Most likely I didn't realise 

that we all get the time we need.....

I can't Do it for others,

and I shouldn't.....

I only can make sure that those people

who I can help to be the best version of themselves,

will 'find me'....

Not everyone needs to be/stay in my life,

and it doesn't say anything of my own worth....

I only have to be the 'lighthouse'....

Suppressed anger.....

it makes you sick


'society doesn't like angry people'

'family's don't like angry people'.

Could it be that we are confused....

that we still think as a wounded child,

that love and speaking up/taking action

can not combined?!?

Do we still think and feel that if a loved ones says 'no',

it means you are not loved?

Do you see it in society?

-'your not a good child if you behave like this'.

- family members are not accepting you

when you have a different opinion. 

In Holland there was a murder and it has to do

with different vaccination opinions.

- colleague's who want you to act the same as they because

'we need to be one front'....

Apparently it is still inside me.....

my coughing is not over....yet.....

'Moving' sounds so easy,

but has it challenges......

I move into my 'new year' and am being grateful.

I was spoiled :-)

One of the sunflowers I put in a separate vase:

a reminder of being 'me' in a group.

I am looking forward to a beautiful year.

The image of Zoe is an important one for me:

you see her in a picture with 2 rainbows....

The last time I saw this was after our house burned down:

then I knew it would be ok....

It was ok, it took longer then we thought,

we had challenges, had to speak up and...

realised that not all people deserve your trust...

The picture of Zoe is for me the sign that it will 

be ok in the future.

Probably there will be some challenges,

most likely we need more patience

and will we find out who we can 

and who we shouldn't trust.

The most important thing:

Trust yourself and Know 

you get as many changes you need

to remember again who you are:

Love and

Powerful beyond measure!


Monday 13 September 2021

Did you move or are you still running? Part 2


Since the '80 'other children' were born.

Rainbow children, indigo children, star children,

we can give them different names and for me

they ALL are special children,

children who came here to help us all....

They felt and feel

if people are true or not true.

If they are authentic

or if they are hiding 

unhealed parts inside of them.

They react to this energy.

Some in a quiet way 

- this is what society often calls 'good children'-

others in an 'angry', 'disruptive' way....

Instead of letting them be themselves,

see them as 'signs of a time',

of a changing society

we choose to mold them so they would 'fit' in....

Instead of changing the old school system,

we invented labels......

as if not all children are unique....

In a way it is strange: 

we accepted the computer, internet,

new inventions and couldn't accept

the new people who belong to this energy....

-I know it sounds very black and white,

it wasn't and isn't that way. 

Some really wanted to help and change the system

and some of the things changed already.....

probably not enough yet.....

It is important to remember this if you look 

at society is not all black and white...-

A child feels........

It feels and it protects feelings of being hurt.

It does it by building walls,

acting out or going inside.

It stores these feelings,

by 'hiding' in it it cells.

These cells have memory,

our body remembers.....

Our cells will keep this memory a certain time,

till they want to come out 

and replaced by love again....

How many old pain is in our cells from our

parents/grandparents, society....

We are not only healing our own wounds,

we are also healing the wounds we inherited....

Wouldn't it be great our kids don't have 

to inherit these unhealed emotions from us?

Wouldn't it be great society

doesn't have to inherit these as well?

Astrological transits in a chart will show 

when it is time 

to deal with this....

Even if you don't want it, 

you soul Knows it is necessary.

I knows you are more courageous

than you realise so.... 

it will happen.

As society, 

we are in such a transit now.

We are in an energy that is 'helping' us, 

to heal, to change, to move.....

We should remember our power

and our courage inside...

Do you make a choice now, as an adult,

to deal with 'feelings'....

or are you still 'running away'? 

Do you feel you are YOU


you are part of society?

Do you feel seen, heard and respected?

As an adult we have a choice:

run away or move......

We were all children...

we are all adults now......

Society is mirroring us....

We see hurt, sadness, feeling powerless,

not being seen as an individual:

do YOU see your unique quality?

Did you 'move'?

Did you deal with pain, sadness and hurt

or did you need 'corona' to help you.....?

If you move house as often as we did,

than you know moving is not so easy....

You have to decide what to take with you 

and what you have to leave behind....

Not everything will fit in your new house,

not everything will fit in the boxes.....

Some things can not go with you 

and you are glad: 

you found a good reason to get rid of them.

Other items are still good,

but....there is not enough space for them:

you have to make a choice

what to take and what to leave:

moving means making choices.....

Make sure when you decide to move,

that you do it from a place of gratitude.

When you move you move objects,

and also yourself....

and by that you have to leave some people behind.

If you have to leave people behind,

be thankful for what they showed you,

so you really can make a move.....

and have space for new people in your life.

And it  could be 

that in the future,

you find yourself in a challenging situation again.

A situation like you experienced 

before the move....

Sometimes we have to re-visit, 

re-start, re-focus, re-adjust again....

You have to admit, 

that you didn't 'move' 

but were running away....

Be compassionate with yourself 

if this happens:

you get as many opportunity's as you need,

it is not a competition.

You get all the time you need

to go back 

to the person you are:


And as someone said years ago in a seminar:

'Where do you think money likes to go

if it could choose?

Would it go to an angry and negative person

or to a happy and grateful one?

Money/Love/Power: it is all the same energy....

Be an magnet for this energy,

don't feel powerless: you aren't!

Don't feel poor: you aren't!

Don't feel unloved: you aren't!

If you still feel powerless, poor or unloved:

realise that perhaps you are still 'running away'......

You could make a choice to 'move'

instead of running away,

go inside.....

You don't have to do it alone anymore,

take it one step at a time

and attract like minded people:

people  who stopped running

and choose to move.....

Sunday 12 September 2021

Did you move or....are you running away? Part 1

We can not see the roots of a tree,

we know they are not strong enough 

if the tree falls down....

We can not see the foundation of a house,

we know it is not ok, 

when walls crack or fall down.

We can not know how our balance is,

till we experience pain, hurt and/or betrayal.

With so many planet retrograde 

and with Mercury in it's shadow

-will go retrograde the 27th-

we will get lot's of opportunity 

to re-set, re-adjust, re-start and re-focus.

Pay attention to your emotions.....

they give away if you act

from a wounded or healed place.

You can choose to act 

from a place of wonder and excitement,

accepting and gratefulness,

even if you are upset, angry or hurt...

It is your choice to make.

If you don't like were you are right now:


Why should you stay in a place/situations that makes you sad:


Why should you let people stay in your life who make you unhappy:



but don't run away!

If you keep finding yourself in the same situations,

than you didn't move.....

you were running away.

You didn't deal with your deepest hidden emotions,

you 'just' acted from this wounded child....

You're  protecting this wounded child,

as a child.....

Instead of acting as the adult you are now:

older, wiser and compassionate,

you are acting out....

running away from the pain....

A child doesn't have the ability to deal with issues,

it 'just' want to be loved 

and will find ways to get this love...

It does everything to get love

and there will be a point 

if confuses love with 'getting attention'......


acting out in a way that society/parents/family don't like

is the only way it gets this attention....

Do you as an adult need attention,

confusing it with 'needing love'?

Do you recognize it?

Look at the 5 pillars 

-Body, Mind, Relationships, Society, Money-

for clues: are they in balance?

A child mirrors parents,

they want to help their parents to 'heal'


if we keep running away from our wounded inner child,

our children/society will keep us

 'helping' in any way

they 'think' is best.....

'Just' to remind us

that it is time to heal...

Can we stop and move,

deal with the unhealed parts in ourselves

so our children don't have to mirror us anymore

or do we want them to forget about themselves,

their unique quality's

and 'blend' in......

Like we were 'blending in'.....

running away from who we are...

Can we make a choice
to stop running and move. 
Move from anger and intolerance
to peace and love.....

Monday 6 September 2021

What do you believe?

September 7th is the new Moon, a new beginning.

Every month there is a new Moon,

so every month the focus is on one sign,

this month it is Virgo.

The sign of Virgo, wants to 'help',

looks at details, find practical solutions,

works hard to improve himself,

supportive, kind and gentle.

It also can be shy, all work no play,

over critical towards its self and others

and worry to much.

It rules the digestive system: input and progression.

Everyone of us has Virgo in its chart!

If not in the planets then in the houses:

so it is important for us all.

Where in your live are you working hard


perhaps are to critical towards yourself 

and should you  use censorship....?

In the chart of this new Moon,

it shows some of old emotional themes.

Can we deal with our old wound -Chiron-

and speak up AND listen to the other

or do we still feel we have to 'fight'.....

Fight and speak up because other wise

'they won't listen' and

'we will not get what we want!'

Did people listen to you when you were a child

did you get what you wanted?

If we remember we are ONE,

remember that it is good to be ourselves,

that we ARE love and loved

and that we change the world by healing our wounds

it will be great.....

I only have a feeling 

we, as society, are not there...yet.....

There are 6 planets going retrograde

and Mercury will join on the 27th,

-it is in its shadow now-

So it is time to go inward.

Realise that there is trauma in us

that we 'just' inherited....

and we can choose to deal with it,

or give it to the next generation....

Do we allow others to heal,

do you allow yourself to heal

or are you to critical towards yourself


critical towards others and society.....

If you be critical towards others and society,

most likely 

you are even more critical towards yourself than you think...

Be nice, treat yourself as you would treat your loved one.....

We are all in the same boat....

We are still in the Saturn/Uranus energy.

In December it will be exact for the last time.

Can we be ourselves AND part of society

or are we divided in pro and anti.......

not listening to each other to hear,

but to respond.....

Not healing ourselves but 'demanding' others to heal....

Pluto will stay in Capricorn till 2023/2024,

so we have some time left to change

old rules and old powers,


how can we change the old powers in the world,

if we are not prepared to look at the old -emotional- powers

in ourselves.......

This month will help us heal these old wounds,

only.....we have to make a choice

to look inside instead of looking outside....

the outside will change if we change.....

The North Node is in Gemini

and I had a few conversation about 

the school system and children in the school system.

For me it is important that children feel that they are part of the group,

so I think school is important.


more and more children are not 'fitting in'....

Instead of changing the system,

society found a way how to deal with 'these children'.....

Labeling helped teachers to get extra money,

extra time to help these children

so they would fit in the system....

I understand that it is not easy for teachers

to deal with all kind of different children

in a system that was made for 'all the same',

in a different time, in a different society....

When I started teaching 

it was not always easy to make sure all children

felt heard and seen 

and most of my colleagues

were not open for new ways:

'he is just like that'

'better find another school'

'his sister is just the same'..

Now they are listening more to children,

because the children are 'louder'.....

By their actions they 'demand' to be listened to.....

and instead of changing the system,

we made more rules,

more administration.

How tough must this be for teachers.....

Extra money and help for children 

is possible.....if there is a label.

If there is no label, there is no extra money....

For me it feels as if a child needs help 

because it doesn't fit in a group

and this doesn't feel good to me....

For me 

ALL children should feel they are unique AND part of a group...

For me there should be extra money for ALL children....

How come we assume that quiet children,

children who follow the rules,

don't make waves

don't need extra attention as well?

Could it be that these children are afraid of the heavy emotions/reactions

and decide to be quiet....

Afraid of not being loved

and by this 

forget what they really want

and who they really are.

They 'just' follow what 'they' 


want to see and hear from them?

Don't they need extra attention as well?

I was that quiet child

and as a teacher I felt for the children who acted out

and were 'different'

and by that were not accepted by other children....

Now I know they were my mirrors,

I also know that my principal was a mirror as well.....

I was 'shy' to speak up.....I choose to leave....

Virgo, the digestive system:

how much do you take in energetically

that you can not digest.....

Can you let it go now?

I can let go a lot easier.

Now I choose to 'speak up' 

AND also see the challenges of others...

What can I do?

Sometimes nothing, 

sometimes planting a seed,

sometimes find a practical solution.....


realising that I only can do so much

and that is enough......

Then it was all work no play

now it is more respect for my self and....

accept and enjoy life.....

For the future:

I hope and wish there is way that children can learn

and be taught together in a group

in a respectful way.

In a way so they realise how important they are as a person

and how important they are as part of the group.

These happy children will make a happy society.

And we can help them to heal our trauma,

so they don't have to do it for us......

Wednesday 1 September 2021

Let's cheer and be grateful for....


I broke two tea classes in two days:

'Let's cheer and be grateful...'

An Uranus sign: 

where in my life am I not my unique self,

am I choosing to much for others

and forget myself.....

I also had a sensitive stomach:

what did I eat what wasn't good for me


am I also taking other 'food' that isn't good for me....?

-other food: what I read/ see, people around me etc.-

I had to think about the snails in our garden.

I looked at them, liked them 

and I also saw that part of our garden

didn't have flowers and leaves:

they were being eaten by 'something',

we had no idea by what....

We had this last year and this year again.

I saw these snails on roads I walked,

I saw them in the forest and....

I just admired them.....

When I saw a big one just before our outside window

a few months ago, I made the connection:

perhaps snails are eaten the flowers and the leaves!

And....yes they did.....

We gave them a 'beer party'.....

Isn't this what happened sometimes in our lives:

we like people/situations/food 


they are not always good for us...

If we want to be ourselves and be free,

we have to set boundaries....

boundaries for ourselves....

This has consequents:

sometimes we have to let go of

things/people/animals/habits we like.

We like them and want to keep them


we have to let them go

to stay healthy 

and in peace and harmony with ourselves.

I am being challenged and I am grateful for it.

Even though I don't always like it, 

I realise this is part of healing to.

And then I needed another mirror.....

this time it took a little longer for me

to cheer and being grateful....

We were on a road and there was a detour.

I thought I knew the detour

and wasn't alert anymore:

I ended up going back home 

instead of to the place we were supposed to go....

Most of the time my co-driver

will put me in place ;-)

but this time he didn't......

My first thoughts:

'How come he didn't say anything now,

when it would have been useful!!'

It gave me time to process

and....I could be grateful.

How often do we think we Know and life shows us

that we still should focus and be open.....

perhaps it is not as we think how it is

are we stuck in old patterns....

Are we open to unlock these situations

and be in the now again or....

do we project......?

My first reaction to Jaap was feeling angry...

luckily I am already used to unlocking locks;-)

If you already unlocked some 'old locks'

it gets process, let go and you

'cheer and be grateful'.

Why is it so important to heal ourselves?

For me it is so others/the new generation

doesn't have to do it for us.....

We all can help the future generation

by clearing our Karma.

We first help ourselves: 

live will get easier by dealing with your hurt

and you feel more relaxed and happy.

By doing so,

we stop old patterns to go on

and help with the start of a new world,

were Love is the norm.


A new world in a responsible way,

everyone included,

letting go of old outdated patterns

so there is space for new:

let's cheer and be grateful.....