Sunday 19 December 2021

Fear is old, freedom is new: what do we/I choose?

 'What is normal anyway?'

I believe there is not one 'normal',

I believe everyone has it's own unique 'normal'.

Just to be clear what my definition of Normal is:

Normal for me is,

living in peace and harmony,

enjoying life,

dealing with challenges as part of growing

and a state of wonder what will come next.

Also Knowing  that I have the capability and courage 

inside of me to deal with what comes.

As from today there are more restriction,

and we are in lockdown again

because of the omicron variant:

more contagious but also as it looks like,

less sickening.....

Do we need more time with ourselves

to deal with our own issues? 

Do we feel restricted or do we find ways

to deal with it and feel free?

A few days ago,

when I looked at my phone,

I saw 478 mails in my trash.

I look at my phone everyday,

but today I 'saw' this...

I remember Loes telling me, 

that I had to clear it out

and also 

that I hadn't used my swipe function in the right way....

Ok..... I decided to take time to do it.

When I started,

I also saw that I had lot's of mails in my Archive:

'I never put something there ?!?'

I apparently did was lots.....

When I started deleting, 

more and more old mails

come up took hours.....

Then I went to the trash and......

there it was the same:

more and more old mails

came up there as well?!?

While deleting the mails, 

I looked at what it showed me,

what was the mirror....

Could it me that I dealt with a lot of fears,

old pain and old habits 


that I archived them, put them in the trash,

without even realising it?

That I kept them still in my system,

because I forgot/didn't realise

I had to delete them totally....

Totally meaning to confirm this

at least 3 times....

Patience and...determination!

That evening I saw on the news that there 

will be a new plant for Facebook in Holland,

a plant/factory that stores data.

There was a interview about this:

'People keep everything, 

forget to clear mails, pictures 

and all this need to be stored.

Most of the data that is stored 

will never be used again,

and to store this takes a lot of energy'

So I am not the only one.....most people do this....

Are we all holding on to old, out dated energy

and are we not even realising it?

Also not realising it is not good to do,

if you want to reduce waste.....

What is needed to wake us up?

Is the corona virus enough,

or are we using it as a fog,

so we can stay in a victim energy....

We 'only' have to choose for ourselves

choose to be free and deal with our own fears.

If we choose to do so,

we will attract what makes us happy.

Most likely it is as with old data 

that you keep on your phone/computer:

if you realise it, 

you can clear it out very quickly!

We all did a lot of healing and growing

the last years and most likely

we 'just' have to confirm that

we delete it totally out of our system.

Most likely it is as with my phone:

in a few hours you delete years

of old outdated memory's :-)

And then there is soooo much space

for new, beautiful, exiting, adventurous

and peaceful memory's! 

If you look back at 2021

can you see, feel and experience

how far you have come?

Be proud of yourself

there is much more to come!

Thursday 16 December 2021

Freedom is on the other side of fear.....part 2


One night I felt like walking.

Normally Jaap doesn't like me to walk just outside town,

so I asked if he minded.

-If he would have minded I would have walked

through the town.-

I know why he doesn't want me to walk in the dark:

he wants to 'protect me' and....

I don't want him to worry.

This time he said: 'if you feel that is what you want

you should do it'.

A great mirror for me :-)

It was a bit dark, but the few light were enough

for a great walk.

All of a sudden two hares jumped over the street:

what a great mirror!

The hare also 'asks' for patience......

Yesterday I had to wait for the train:

a veeeery slow going, veeeeery long train.....


When I talked to Jaap about it:

'most likely it is a train with hazardous substances'...

Isn't that what is going on now?

We have to be patient,

because there is something 'dangerous' going on...

Is it the 'virus'?

I don't think so, 

the virus is 'just' a mirror.

For me the danger is looking outside ourselves,

not dealing with our grief and pain.

Forgetting how important nature is,

how important people are,

how important our body is and...

that we all should go back 

who we really are:

love and peace.

Love for yourself first,

so you have enough left to share,

share with the people around you.


Respect for each other 

because you respect yourself

Respect for the earth, for nature, 

because without nature we would not be here.

The last years we all raised our consciousness

and we can choose now:

we know more, know better so

we can make different and better choices.

Did you forgive yourself 

for doing the things you did when you didn't know better?

You should! 

You did the best you could at that time!

Internet and social media,

helped us to connect with the whole world,

realising 'that we are One'.


we still have to remember that we all are 

also a unique part of this 'Oneness'.

We have to think for ourselves as well,

not just follow opinions.

We shouldn't want to be 

what other people expect us to be,

look like or do.

The only thing we should want,

is being ourselves.

We should be grateful. 

Grateful for the people 

who know more about the things

we don't know much about.

Realising we don't have to know it all:

we are unique, and others are also unique,

so we can help each other and

don't have to do it all by ourselves.

Can we trust each other,

can we trust ourselves...


Be sure you walk your talk from inner power.

If there is to much emotion, 

there is most likely old pain to deal with.

Deal with it: be integer.

Also be grateful for all the people 

who have to make decisions about the Coronavirus:

how tough must it be......

It is a new virus and needs  quick actions,

sometimes while there is not enough information...yet....

Their decision has an effect on so many people and....

there will always be someone/ a group who doesn't like it...

How challenging to be integer....

We choose these people and....

if we think they didn't do a good job,

we can choose again....

what a privilege. 

We all can choose every day to change,

that is also a privilege!

If you look at your 5 pillars:

which one is the weakest link?

What can you do today to make it stronger?

Is it your mind, 

your body, relationships,

work/society or finances?

Choosing to accept what is


talking about it with someone

is a big step.

Do you trust yourself enough to trust someone else?

Talking about it, 

reaching out is a sign of power.

Power, money and love is all the same energy;

It takes power to speak about it, to reach out


by doing this 

you let the energy flow again.

You will be more and more at peace.

Imagine what tomorrow will bring.

Can you see a bright future?

If you can't yet,

be sure it will be there.

We just have to go to the other side of fear,

our fear....

If we choose to do this,

and remember the courage we have inside,

we will find freedom.

Now we 'only' have to take it one day at a time


be patient.......

That sounds so easy, only

it can be very challenging 

if part of you likes to be in control....

I realise I still have some control issues ;-)

I am sure it will be solved

when the time is right for me.....

I trust and be patient,

am grateful and enjoy every day :-)

Wednesday 15 December 2021

On the other side of fear lies freedom......part 1

 After we got an extension for the evening lockdown till Jan. 14,

I realised there was an other tone in the presentation.


our prime minister talked about 'own responsibility',

now he speaks of 'not hugging grandparents over 70'


'probably more restrictions in the coming weeks'.....

What happened?!?

Can we, as society, not be responsible,

because there is fear inside of us,

fear of lack,

fear of dealing with emotions,

fear of something we don't know?

Could it be 

that it is the fear we felt when we were a child,

when we couldn't understand the rules our parents made...

Rules we didn't understand but had to follow....

Are we going on doing the same,

or do we heal that part and take responsibility....

Was 'the tone' of the press conference necessary?

Didn't we take the responsibility

and do we get 'punished'.....

-not by our parent but now by the 'prime minister'/president/king/...-

Do we realise that if we don't deal with the fear inside us,

we will get the mirrors in society and....

we will 'give' this to our children.

They will have to solve this in about 30/40 years again...

The children who were born in these period,

are all born in the same energy.

It depends on the parents and other loved ones around them

how they are going to deal with it:

if parents felt/feel restricted or if they are afraid,

children will feel restricted and afraid as well....

Afraid to show emotions, just following rules

or acting out and being 'punished'.....

If parents realise it is a choice to be afraid or to be free

AND they are being patient with themselves,

they can make a conscious choice.

When they do,

they will find ways to enjoy the things they can do

and children will feel safe and secure.

How patient are you with yourself


how patient are you with your children

or children around you.....

When we lived in Saudi,

lot's of woman and children left for the whole summer:

'it is to hot!'

I didn't.

'In Holland you have to be inside because of the rain,

here because of the sun.

We choose to go outside early in the morning and at the end of the evening

and that is great. 

The children still see their dad every evening

and that is important as well!

For men it is just as hot as for woman and children'.

If you choose to be free, you find a way.

I was a bit shocked that this time in the press conference

they didn't talk about personal responsibility, 

because that is what is needed 

if you choose freedom.

Now it looks like 'Saturn stays in prison':

'you have to do what we tell you or else....'

Most of the time when one energy is suppressed,

the other energy comes out in an unexpected way -Uranus way-

It is the last time of the Saturn/Uranus square:

these planets look for balance, 

only the press conference

sounded more like 

'restrictions without freedom'.....

For people with a lot of fear inside,

it will be a scary time or a rebellious time.

I believe that more and more people

can balance these two energy's.

I am sure lot's of people will use the Uranus energy,

in a mature way.

They will invite loved ones this Christmas time

and hug children and grandchildren

because that is important!

I am sure most of them will do it in a responsible way

and not do this when they feel ill....

-you wouldn't do that before Covid, did you?!?-

Most likely some will get ill,

and I hope/expect it will not be very bad.

My concern are the people 

who are not 'thinking for themselves'

and follow the rules 'because they are the rules'....

Family's will be torn.....

little children will not understand emotionally:

'why can I not hug grandma/dad?'

Most likely they will understand mentally:

'it is a rule so we have to follow'.....

but how is it emotionally?!?

My mind went back to the Gulf war.

We had gas masks and at one time we had to evacuate

from Riyadh to Jeddah to take a plane back home.

We travelled by bus trough the desert.

At one point, far enough from Riyadh,

we had to hand in the gasmasks.

All people did, only Loes was worried:

'What if there is an attack and we don't have the gasmasks?!?'

I could explain that we were far enough away from

the attacks and that we didn't need them anymore.

She looked at me, waited....and then accepted it 

and stepped in the bus again....

She asked.....what about all the other children

who didn't asked and were also worried?

Did they believe they had 'to follow orders or else.....'

When we went back after a few months,

I had children who 'ducked' when they heard an airplane flying over.....

We are now in a period of 'another war', 

the 'Corona war'...

As I mentioned in my last blog: 

we also have a Pluto/Venus energy.

Can you make sure you find ways to do what you like/love,

be with the people you love,

even if it is in an other way than you would choose?


can you follow the rules that are needed and....

let go of outdated rules.......

Are you responsible enough to do that?

Schools will be closed one week early:

will people use this time to connect,

or do we use it to shop for food and/or presents.....


Are grandparents babysitting and enjoy it,

or do they feel 'they have to'....

Are parents choosing to take days of,

or will they get days of from their employers

or do children feel that they are a burden for their parents

when they are not going to school......?

Sunday 12 December 2021 interesting ride...

 We are all in a process of healing,

as humanity,

as society,

as family's

and most of all personal....

Even though I had a feeling of calm and trust deep down,

I also was a bit anxious: this coughing of mine took so long

and people around me were worried....

Could I trust my intuition or......

could there be something really wrong?!?

Years ago I had cancer: 

could it have come back after all these years?!?

I decided to go to my MP to check. 

He thought it was best to make an X ray:

'coughing for so many weeks is not ok'......

I had my X ray and I had the results: everything was ok,

more than ok.......

Why still this coughing?......

unsolved issues.....

there is still some more healing to do ;-)

As an adult you can,

as a child you can not....and

if you are not prepared to look inside and heal the child,

the 'adult you

will have to deal with the hidden emotions....

sometimes hidden in physical challenges...

Even if we really want to change and

choose to be healthy and in peace,

our inner child is still reacting from it's point of view.'...

It wants to 'protect' us in a way a child needs protecting...

Do we realise how powerful our inner child is?

Can we be compassionate and patient with this part in us?

What do you see around you?

How do you see the world right now?

Can you see it as a mirror

and can you choose to change what is inside of you,

so there will be another mirror?

Or are you still afraid,

and are you limiting yourself......

Energy is patient,

and gives you/us/me as many opportunity's to heal as needed.

We, as the world 

get as many opportunity's as needed.

If we don't deal with it now,

we will get mirrors as society,

we get mirrors as people.

Mirrors in our relationships,

in our financial situation,

in our jobs, 

in our emotions

or our body will show it.....

I attract beautiful mirrors

and I am grateful for them,

I also attract challenging mirrors

and I am also grateful for them.

I realise that using intuition is not always easy,

not easy for people around you

and not easy for yourself:

we live in a world that wants proof, numbers, 'real'.

So when you are a feeling/intuitive person

you are sometimes 'weird'....

people don't understand you a child 

you developed way's to deal with it,

way's that wasn't always good for you....

For me it was touch to deal with anger, aggression,

and hard voices.

I didn't understand why I got spanked the first time

'why do you do that?!?'

I didn't understand why people laughed at Laurel and Hardy,

when one of them hurt himself again and again

because of an folding bed.

'Don't do that again, it hurts!'

How come I reacted like this?!?

Could it be that I felt their pain

and wanted to help them?

Could it be that I also felt 

the insecurity behind people who acted 'tough'

and.....'decided' to act on that:

'stay quiet: inside they are hurt/insecure

and I shouldn't hurt that part more....'

By acting like this,

I forgot that I would be hurt in the process....

Cancer has to do with anger,

and there was a lot of anger inside me...

No one saw it, I didn't realise it,

because my believe was:

'People can be angry at me if I don't do

what they expect me to do,

I disappoint them so I am wrong! 


my inner conscious decided to  hide the anger....

So much that my body had to 'help'

me deal with it.....

Now I know that is what I did,

then I didn't realise it because.....

it was my pattern.......

When I changed that pattern,

lot's of things changed

and deep down,

the 'recording of first years of my life'

kept on repeating.....

There is still a part in me

that 'thinks' I have to put someone else

before me.....

Do I take the time for this healing

or do I want it quick.....

In so many blogs I write about being patient with yourself.....


I realise, I am not always patient with me......

How patient are you with yourself?

How patient are you in your relationships?

How patient are you with your family?

How patient are you with the people around you,

the world?

Do you set boundaries when people hurt you?

Do you speak up in relationships and feel respected?

Are you grateful for your family? 

-this is were you can practise with skills

you need in society: a family is a small society ;-)-

Can you be grateful for them even if they have

different lives and/or different opinions?

Are you speak your truth in the world and do you feel heard?

Can you speak from respect and love,

Knowing we are all One, 

and the other is an other part of You?

With Uranus and Saturnus we also have

a Pluto/Venus energy.

Venus, the planet of relations, of money, 

loving yourself, is a 'soft' energy: it wants harmony.

Pluto is a more forceful energy,

it wants to clear everything that is not right.

If you don't go with the energy, it will come by force.

It can be 'war', 'cancer', violence, total transformation.

Christmas is a time you come together as a family,

so most likely you will feel this energy there,

if there are some unsolved issues.

Issues of not being seen,

not feeling good enough,

or family traditions that are outdated.

Can we deal with it with respect,

or are we still angry.....

Can we accept that we are all different

and still connected.

Will I be still coughing ;-)

 'I'll wish you love, peace and happiness,

I wish you healing and patience with yourself.

I wish you remember

 you are being loved

and can rest now....

You are enough..

just being YOU.

Have fun, enjoy life

and choose to be happy!'

Wednesday 1 December 2021

Are we open for miracles?

A poinsettia, a 'Kerstster'-'christmasstar'-

I kept this one from last year. 

I kept them before and.....

I always thought they couldn't get red leaves by it self,

that the leaves became red by artificial light.

Now I know different: 

they need 14 hours of darkness and 10 hours of light for 2 months

and then the red leaves appear.

How special: could it be that we need sometimes 

some more hours in the dark

to look inside 

so we can 'bloom' again as well?

December starts with Neptune going direct.

It went retrograde in June.

What happened in this period for you?

Did you heal or were you mislead?

Did you feel connected, or did you feel victimised?

Did you let go or did you develop an 'addiction'?

Could you trust of did you forget your inner power?

We were supposed to go to London,

to 'celebrate Sinterklaas'.

Just last week I got a phone call from our son:

'are you home this weekend'......

They had to go to Belgium but at the last minute

it was not possible: Belgium became 'red' .....

They had a flight to Dusseldorf, so they could come to us:

what a wonderful surprise!!

We would seen them two weekend in a row or.....

was something else going on?!?

We had a great weekend and.....

realised it was an even bigger gift 

when all of a sudden 

there were more restrictions

because of the omicron variant of the Corona virus.

We can not fly to London.

Can we go with the flow

and trust that what is happening around us

is what is needed,

is what we attract?

Are we open for miracles?


the last month of the year,

the last Uranus/Saturn square.....

Time to look back and evaluate.

In December 2016 I wrote about the 5 pillars in Dutch,

a way to look back and evaluate your life.

In December 2019 I did the same in English.

If you want to look back at 2021, 

it could be an idea

to read them again,

and answer the questions....

Body, Mind, Relations, Society and Finance:

you are as powerful as your weakest link.

If you raise the energy of the weakest pillar,

all the rest will raise as well.....

The 5 Pillars are a great way to look at your life

and show us, were more attention is needed.

It is also a tool to see what is preventing you 

to live a balanced life.

Also remember your 'broken pieces'.

They can prevent you from taking the steps

you need to take.

They can hide your power,

hide the feeling of courage that is in you.....


you are not the child you were before!

Now you are older and wiser,

and can set boundaries were needed...

A BOY CALLED CHRISTMAS Trailer (2021) - YouTube

I just saw the start of this movie and heard the sentence 

'he had broken pieces'....spoken by a child....

Great movie to watch.

I wish you all time to heal,

to deal with your sadness,

to feel you are part of the society we live in

and I wish you can slow down....

Slow down and be grateful

what is all in your life,

all around you and that

YOU are important.

YOU are important for the people around you,

for society.

Everyone is going trough 'stuff',

some has to do with the mind,

some physical,

others with relationships.

Some with job's, lack of work,

or work that doesn't feel good.

Give yourself the gift

of appreciation:

you are doing great,

even if you are not there

were you want to be ....yet....

Trust, respect, be open for miracles

and take one step at a time

to heal your broken pieces.

Forgive and be grateful.

I wish you all good health,

great friends,

a safe and secure family,

and the feeling that YOU

can be YOU and still belong.

I wish you can be grateful,

even if you feel it is challenging...

I wish you peace.

I wish you open for them.


Friday 26 November 2021

Peace from broken pieces....part 3

To be a tree means we need to have roots delving deep in the earth....
How strong are our roots?
How deep are they in the earth?
Can they hold the tree when there is a storm?

Our family are our roots, 
we grow them as a child
and some of them we inherit.

If we feel loved and safe,
the roots are strong.
If we get messages that are conflicting,
they are getting less strong....

'I have to make sure I am quiet,
because loud people are being punished'

'I have to make sure I DO things,
because doing 'nothing' gets you in trouble.'

'I have to make sure I act how people like me to act,
if I do what I like and it is not what they like,
than they give me 'funny' faces.'

'I have to have high marks in school
in subjects 'they' decide what is import,
nice subjects are not that important.'

'I have to have lot's of friends,
because that means I belong,
if not it means I am not loved.'

Broken Pieces.....

 If we choose not to deal with our broken pieces,

we will subconscious live from guilt and with anxiety...

You can see it in the outside world,

only are you prepared to look at them inside of yourself?

After reading the book Peace from broken pieces,

I realised that I recognize more pieces than I did 10 years ago...

I got a reaction from indirect from a very dear person:

'How come Berndien can help so many people 

and somethings she doesn't for her self......'

Broken pieces.....

My dad walked away angry when we had 'wortel stamppot' ....

-mashed potato's with carrots and onions-

he didn't like it and.....

I felt bad for him:

he worked hard was very busy

and....'now he had nothing to eat!'

My mom was not affected by it seems,

but it became very quiet at the table.......

I recognize patterns in my own life.....

I realise that I cook what Jaap likes,

even if I don't like it so much....

When I re-visit this situation,

I also realise that they didn't talk to solve this,

my dad 'just walked out'.....

something I can do as well.......

even if it is getting better....

AND....if my soul wants to take a next step,

and my mind doesn't 'see it',

then my body shows me there is 'old anger'....

-while writing this I have a coughing fit....-

When I look at my siblings, I see a same pattern

and also a pattern that is being solved....

I am glad because it means 

that our kids don't need to inherit it ;-)

How challenging for parents.....

How can we trust that life will give your child exactly what it needs?

We didn't always get it so

we decide to take control....

'we know better, so we will do better'

That is true: you do what you think is best,

not realising you have 'broken pieces'....

I had a great dad, 

he worked hard and had his own business.

When he saw me on the bike 

while he was in his truck, 

he stopped and asked how my day was.

When I was late coming from school

and it became dark,

I often saw him coming with his truck

to pick me up.

The bike went in the back and I was sitting next to him.

A great dad and.....

he was one of a family of 14,

he was in the middle 

of the bombing of his town in World war 2,

he was a soldier in 'Indie'....

Broken Pieces....

When talking about society and politics on the dinner table

we could have heated discussions and that was ok,

only not for my mom.....

she didn't like it at all....

She was also hard working, as was my dad,

and.....she had a business heart....

She wanted us to study,

to do all we could do and was proud of it.

When I decide to do social study's,

she didn't agree and talked bad 

about people who went to do this.

'If I lived now, I would choose to be a teacher

Just guess what I became....

She did lot of courses and 

managed the shop they had at home. 

She also was a skillful tailor.

Even when she was married and had small children

she helped out at her parents home,

even made dresses for her sisters and mother....

All for free.

She couldn't go to college

because 'girls didn't go to college'

Her brother went, but.....

he was not 'made for it' 

and....he stopped......

What did I learn?

'You should work hard,

and do what other people expect from you

because then you will be loved'

The last years of her life were not so easy:

her children were not at home anymore,

she didn't know what she wanted

and what she liked. 

She asked us first what we thought

and then her sisters


when they didn't like it, 

she didn't want it anymore.....

Broken pieces....

When I came back to Holland in 1997,

I felt the same

'What do I really like,

what do I want?!?'

I choose different courses,

all about 'social study's'.....


both my parents were very interested in it

even though some of my siblings thought it was 'weird'.....

This helped me to heal part of my broken Pieces....

When my parents died,

I got other roll models to help me to heal broken pieces.

I needed some more healing

and I attracted a woman with the same energy as my mom.  

I learned a lot from her

AND could let go of some broken pieces....

Power over/manipulating instead of inner power,

I did a lot for free.....

Also male figures: powerful man, nice man,

who forgot to use there power and were manipulating...

also not using their power.

Groups who worked together, like a family,

but were not equal, didn't feel equal......

What was my personal lie?

-'I am never enough'

-'I only am loved if I DO things for others'

-'You shouldn't be yourself, because then

your different and different is weird

and then you don't belong'

-'You can not trust people, because they

are only nice if you can do something for them,

after that they will let you down.'

Even though I KNOW/KNEW these things are not true,

my FEELING tell me sometimes 

something different.

Those feelings are emotions,

it is not intuition!

The difference between those two 

are not always easy to recognise.

Intuition is calm, 

is Knowing,

Emotions are hurtful, explosive, not calm.....

often Broken Pieces......

If I look at the world,

I see a lot of emotions,

a lot of broken Pieces.

I also see more and more acceptance,

people who stop looking at the news

and start looking at their own live again.

They enjoy the 'little things', 

being grateful for what they have,

making changes,

realising life is to short to not enjoy it.

They start to look inside their own life,

start to look at broken pieces.

For me, this is the start of Peace....

The last weeks of 2021 

will be hectic and transforming....

if you choose to,


hectic and violent: our choice...

Can we 'Let go and let 'God''

or do we think we know better.....

The Shift - Wayne Dyer - YouTube

A good movie to watch again.....

Tuesday 23 November 2021

Peace from broken pieces....part 2

 Can you still trust?

When I look at a baby or a little child,

I see the wonder and the trust in their eyes....

They trust that they can be who they want to be....

There is an openness 

were trust is not an issues....

there is only love.....

I realise that every parent wants the best for their children,

and teachers want to be the best they can be,

as do organisation and governments....


it doesn't go as we always want it to go


it always goes as it should....

Can we choose to trust again

and remember our inner power,

our unconditional love

 and speak up when needed?

We all make 'mistakes'

because we can not see the whole picture.

We all have broken pieces....

Are we accepting this and are we open to listen 

to each other and find a middle way,

find Peace...?

I saw a documentary about 'broken pieces' in this time of Corona....

A 15 year old girl didn't know what to do.....

Her parents were divorced and her father had seen people

on the IC with corona and wanted to be vaccinated.

Her mother was against it and didn't want it....

She lives one week with her father,

one week with her mother.

This 15 year old girl....didn't know what to do,

didn't want to disappoint dad and didn't want to disappoint mom....

She couldn't do all the activity's with her classmates

because she couldn't make a decision....

she felt depressed...

Heartbreaking and I wondered:

how was this divorce......

broken pieces....?

Another young couple 

lived in a house with others: a community.

They were the only ones who weren't vaccinated and....

afraid to speak about it,

afraid what 'others' would think about them,

assuming it would not be ok....

How come they are 'afraid' to talk about it,

afraid to be themselves,

especially because all of them had chosen 

this form of living in society?

Broken pieces.....?

A father - 83 years old- didn't want his daughter to visit him

because she had chosen not to be vaccinated.

They had been very close 

especially because of loosing his wife/her mother

when she was young. 

He is married again....

They both felt torn...

At the end she decides to go to his house 

to bring flowers and....

she brings a 'vaccinated friend'

to present them.

She is very anxious:

 'Will he let me in? Will he be very upset

that I am doing this?!?'

When this friend presented the flowers,

she stood at a distant and....

when her father sees her, 

he immediate greets her ....

You can see he is happy to see her

and.....he ask her in....

With 1,5 meter distance in the house,

they talk and connect again......

You can make peace with broken pieces 

with respect .....

and love....

We just had a Lunar eclipse on Nov. 19: 

an ending of an era. 

An ending is always emotional

The last time we had this was in 2002.

What was going on in your life at that time?

Remember that an ending always means 

there is a new beginning as well...

What was your new beginning at that time?

Are you ready for new beginnings

or do you still need time to make 

'Peace with broken pieces'......

This time the eclipses are even more important

because of the Saturn/Uranus square:

a 'new' world......

respect for everyone.....

The old, outdated patterns should go.....

Most likely you see those patterns in the outside world,

and hopefully you see them also in your own life...

Realise that we only can have this 'new' world

if we make Peace with our personal broken pieces first.....

Monday 22 November 2021

Peace from broken pieces........

 Last week, this book 'talked' to me from my bookcase.

It is a book I read years ago and when I took it out,

I decided to re-read it.

A great book and.....confrontational:

you can be successful in the outside world

but.....not happy.

You can know so many 'tools to heal',

but.....can you use them for yourself as well


are you prepared to use them....

are you open for suggestions...

In the years I am working as a therapist/coach

I had and have a lot of clients.

I taught a lot of people different tools

to help themselves and....

some used them, some didn't.....

Not always because they didn't want to,

but they were not ready ....yet....

If we feel there is 'an enemy' outside

most likely it mirrors 'broken pieces' inside ourselves...

How many of the broken pieces we have inside,

are 'society pieces' and not only 'family pieces'.....

Can we grow in our own pace

or do we still believe we have to conform:

have to be 

what others want us to be....


do we want others to be

who we want them to be....

Can we accept and 

respect each other....

I watched a documentary that I didn't want to watch at first....

'I killed someone.....' was the title.

When I started watching it,

 I realised it was about good people

who 'snapped'......

people with 'broken pieces' who didn't realise it

and went on attracting the same situations 

till it was no longer possible...

They hadn't formed healthy boundaries,

didn't realise what freedom was 

and thought 'killing' would give them 'freedom'......

They didn't trust family/friends/society

enough to help them to find freedom....

they thought they had to do it themselves,

because 'no one saw there pain'.....

They got their freedom from the bad situation,

only they ended up in jail.....

They ended up in jail, 8- 10 years......

Time without their children,

time to heal their own  broken pieces,

time to take responsibility and......change....

get their freedom again...

This is also Saturn/Uranus.

Do we need 'prison' to deal with our broken pieces,

or do we take time ourselves to deal with the broken pieces....

Sometimes you have to let people go,

not because you don't love them,

but because they hurt you more than you love them....

When I re-read the book,

I saw the resemblance with the time we live in now.

The virus is in our society,

the virus of fear, lack of responsibility,

fear of using our power,

fear of being powerless....

Hurt by 'parents/teachers/lawmaker',

not trusting they see you,

will take care of you.

The virus as nature:

we didn't work with nature,

didn't respect it,

so it 'fights' back.....

Broken pieces everywhere..... 

The only way we can heal broken pieces

is by love....

Not the love for an other,

but the love for one self.....

The love for the child in you,

for the children around you,

We as adults get a great change now:

do we feed the fear,

or do we stay grounded

and go with the flow....

Are we firm, and questioning what they see and hear,

so they can learn to think for themselves,

or do we want to let them think as we think......

For sensitive children/people it is a challenge:

they 'listen' to the feeling,

not always there own feeling,

often emotions from others......

How confused must they be,

how confused are we....

Do we take time to heal our broken pieces

and find peace or are we going on with projecting.....

Wednesday 3 November 2021

November: Power or force.....part 2

 ...... and after the last blog,

what started as a normal conversation,

I became angry and.....

the reaction I got was even more angry!!

I went from feeling despair, to guilty,

all the way to anger 

-up on the scale even though it was not

something I choose consciously to do....-

When I got an even more angry reaction

-I thought I was 'just firm'-

there was a short moment of worry and doubt

that changed quickly into

irritation and frustration....

That gave an even more angry reaction

that I recognized as something one of my siblings could do....


I went to courage....and willingness....

I went for my walk and Jaap.....

-who was my angel in disguise in this ;-)-

I let him be......

When I came back,

he was cleaning the extraction hood....

-what a great sign for all of this :-)-

We went to reason, optimism and peace again,

realising that there is unconditional love....

We talked and realised we both still have

some old issues from the past

and his reaction is different than mine.

I put others first if I feel there is 'old hurt'

and forget myself 

and by this am hurting myself even more.

He is 'lashing out' because of his hurt

and 'forgets' he is hurting others by this and....himself as well.

The same pattern, only a different way of dealing with pain....

We went from guilt, to anger, to empowerment and gratitude

with in between a pause.....;-)

Right now in all country's there is a lot going on:

Is there power or force,

commitment and responsibility, 

finding a way to feel free....

We always have to realise

that freedom without borders 

can not be freedom for all....

And....we are all in....

I am watching a documentary about the Kennedy's

and it is very interesting if you look at it energetically.

Joe, the father, had a dream and he wanted it 'his way'....

his wife had a dream as well and was as determent as her husband.

When it didn't work out as how they wanted it,

they had a different goal: 

their children should make sure their dream came trough.


was it the dream of their children as well?

Could they make the choice they wanted to make?

Did they 'shine as they were born to shine'

or did they have to shine in a way the father and mother

couldn't by themselves.

Was this Power......or force......

I was shocked to see that even when Jack became president

he was 'ordered' 

to give his brother the job in the Justice department.....

When they went to Europe for their first tour,

his mother went with them, 

not because he wanted it, but because she demanded it......

Was it a family that used Power

or a family that used Force......

If you look at what happened in that family

I wonder.....

The sixties were a time with big changes,

now we are in a time of big changes again:

did we learn from the past?

How is it in our family's?

Are we using power or....still force......

If there is force, there is also pain.....


shame, unworthiness, powerless, 

despair, guilt, insecurity,

depression, lack of interest, 

grief and fear........

On the scale of consciousness all emotion under 100.......

All emotion that makes you vulnerable for manipulation.

So if I see angry people 

I like that better than people who are afraid...

I worry sometimes, and am frustrated that people

are lashing out without looking at the other side

and I also realise that most likely

they are afraid to deal with old hurt....

I Know I don't have to worry

because energy is always honest:

you will get what you give.

So I am hopeful and....

while dealing with my old hurts

choose to enjoy life and be happy.

I wish the same for you!