Thursday 28 June 2018

Let it be.....

When I wrote the last blog
I couldn't imagine,
that 2 days later, on June 26,
I would have the next challenge
of letting go of control,
of accepting,
Knowing that what was confronting me
would be the best for me and everyone around me....
even though it didn't feel like it....

Let it be…..

The last days I feel I am in a cocoon.
It feels safe and good.
I am packing the rest of the stuff,
cleaning the house, be ready to move.
In between I am in contact by skype, whatsapp
with people who are very close.

Tomorrow morning we are flying back to Holland.
We are starting a new fase in our life
and letting go is part of that.

And then -like Uranus likes to do-
something unexpected happens….
My brother went missing.…..

Straight away we knew
that something was not right...
We get a half day
to feel old fears, to let go,
so we can face what will be next....

We will fly to Amsterdam and then we don't go home,
but fly to Mallorca....
Out of this cocoon, back into the world,
more to let go.....

Yesterday I heard a bit what he wrote
in the letter he left for his children and his wife
and I had a good night of sleep.
I woke up with tears and a realisation….
Self worth…

My brother made a lot of people happy.
When he was born,
he made the family happy:
we all lost a brother a year ago
and he was fun, nice, happy:
just what we all needed…

He made his goal in life to make other people happy,
When he was around
people expected him to be funny
so they could laugh…

Like me, he went away, living abroad.
There he made more people happy.
He met his wife in Mallorca
and they have 3 wonderful children.
He started a foundation called 'Gime 5':
he wanted people to give to the community,
to work together for a better world….

When I heard the great things he wrote to his children and his wife,
and also asks for forgiveness and that he was sorry,
I realised he didn't know that only a great father
and a great husband could write a letter like this…
but he didn't know…..
he didn't know his own greatness,
he didn't know that being vulnerable
is part of greatness as well.

Do we know?
Do we have patience with our selves?
Do we Know we are good Just the way we are?
Do we need the approval of the people around his
to feel we are good or do we Know we are good…..
Can we be vulnerable and Know we are still being loved,
or do we have to wear a mask all day…
Can we enjoy the path and realise we will get there
when we get there, everyone has his own pace,
there is no competition.
If you have to wear a mask all day,
you will be tired….
it is to heavy....
Let it go...….Let it be....

His wife has a great voice and he made sure,
that she started doing what she loved the most:
he was so proud.
His children wanted to be unique, themselves and
are teenagers and pre/teenagers now.
They mirrored his way of thinking:
'Be yourself, be unique.'
This was also challenging:
the world likes it more when children act the way
'all' the children is 'easier to handle'

'Can you be unique AND be part of society...…'

Not easy....
he saw that in his family
and in society.....
and he didn't realise
he only had to be himself….
he was more then enough…..
And he showed in his life he had the courage
to go against mainstream,
he never had a dull life:
he didn't realise how special that was..

If you are 'full' you can give easily,
you give
and if you are praised or not,
you feel good.
He didn't have so much patience with himself:
he wanted to give NOW.
He had patience with the people around him,
not with himself.

I Know it is good as it is,
and I also know
I should have patience with my self and
take the time to be sad,
even though I know he is happy now..

I want him to know how special he still is,
how important he is for his wife and children
and lots of people around him.
He woke us up....
Perhaps this was the only way.....

Your ashes will be scatterd on the beach where you were married.
That beach will be special.

Your energy will be there,
it tells us:
share your life together
with the people you love,
have fun,
don't be to serious,
deal with old emotion and also:
don't take that that to serious,
take it step by step, be patient with yourself.

Forgive, life is short,
laugh and share.

Be the Sun in your own life,
and shine so bright,
and keep shining,
so you help others to shine.
Always be YOU.

Your life was important,
will always be important.

And in the meantime,
we morn, are sad,
share memories,
and are happy you were in our life
and still will be in our life.
We only have to accept we can
not hear your laugh,
get a bear hug
and hear 'dag lief zusje'

My last words to him were 'Ik hou van jou'...
It was the first and last time I said that to him….
I am happy I did…
Lets say it more often....
but first:

Do something great for YOU today,
to celebrate his and so many other peoples


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