and on the same day my mind went back
to a situation years ago.
I realised that people around me
mirrored something that wasn't clear to me....yet...
We lived next to my grandparents,
and while that was very special,
it was also a challenge....especially for my parents.
Or.....was it so family patterns would be clear?
Was it a chance to heal.......
My grandparents had 14 children.
First we lived in a small house
attached to their house,
some of the aunts and uncles
lived there as well.
Later on, my parents build a house next to them,
and my grandparents moved to the small house.
I have fond memory's of Sunday's when nieces and nephews
came to play with us when their parents visited 'oma and opa'.
When my grandfather died, I moved in with my grandmother
for a year and when I moved to a small apartment,
I stayed close.
When moving abroad she told me
how tough it would be for my mom......
she knew....her oldest son moved to Canada.
I told her that it was different now,
I would come home every year....
Letting go of a child to find their own happiness,
not knowing,
letting go of control and....
'just trust'.....
For parents it is not always easy to do,
and it is challenging for us as well.....
With every new face in your life you have to let go....
trust....
follow your intuition instead of staying in your emotions....
Let go of guild and shame/ how it 'should' be
go through your wound -Chiron- to find your talent,
to BE....
Be YOU, unique and yourself.....
Only......the comfort zone can look easier,
than take the next step.....
So....
while taking this step,
have compassion, understanding and patient
with yourself.
When my grandmother became older,
my mom cooked for her and did her laundry,
my parents went for coffee every morning
-even if it was not very convenient-
My dad went there in the evening to play cards,
so she wouldn't be to lonely.
Her other children came to visit as well,
only.....often on a Sunday:
they talked with each other
and....she couldn't follow.
She loved having them and didn't complain.
Now I know that is what a parent should do:
seeing that your children grew up as responsible adults
and live their own life.
My grandmother didn't want to go to a nursing home,
and for my parents it was to much to do it all by themselves,
so they thought about a solution.
What if all the children would help out:
she could stay at home!
Only......
not all children wanted to do that.....
And......
this is when a lot of not such pleasant events happened.
Old family emotions came up:
jealousy, anger, misunderstandings, judging
and....control and 'power'.....
All of a sudden I realised
how tough it must have been,
to live in such a big family.
Not everyone got what he or she needed
and had to 'survive'...
This situation was a chance to 'settle the score'
-subconsciously.....-
'Now'.......they 'could make that right'.....
Emotions, fear.......
My parents became the 'punching ball'
and.....
we as children wanted to protect our parents.....
as if they couldn't do that themselves....
as if we were the parents and not 'only their children'.....
And.....
with my own brothers and sisters.
In my work, I realised years ago,
that when certain theme's came up,
they were also important for me.
In the beginning when I worked with groups,
I was worried
that the people in the group wouldn't match.
I quickly realised that there was always a common theme
with the people and......I let go and trust.
The last months the theme of my clients
are family challenges,
and by this: 'self worth'.
And I wondered:
was there something for me to look at as well?
When I look back at the situation of my parents,
I believe that when we can start to heal within our own families,
Remember:
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