Are you in a hurry?

What a reminder.......

I realise that part of me wants to move on,

take the 'next step'

and...... that part is located in my head.....

My soul however has other plans:

'there are some unsolved issues in your life

and you need to deal with these first...'

We went to see a play/musical

about a strike that went on in 1943 in the war.

I was looking forward to go,

because it is done in an old hangar,

and the last time a play was there it was very good.

It was as if you were part of the play.

After seeing this play,

I realise that the writers show the public

what happens with people 

when there are secrets or heavy emotional situations

like war and dead

that are not solved...

It effects not only the people who are involved,

it becomes a family/society karma.

From the start I had to cry.....

I didn't know exactly why,

but it touched something very deep in me.

Thinking about it:

-family hurt becomes karma....

-gossip can go to next generations....

-trust....is precious and can easily be broken...

-not knowing and  betrayal can break hearts

-music can heal...

-did we not learn from the past?!?

Wouldn't it be great if it was this easy?

If you decide this, realise that the Cosmos will send

you all kinds of mirrors so you Can start a new chapter.....

Most of the time it is not possible 

to close the door 

because something is preventing you to close it:

something is 'stuck'.....

Watching the play 'De vergeten Twentse lente' 

-'the Forgotten Spring of Twente'-

helped me in a way I wasn't expecting.....

'Mercury retrograde 'helped' us to look at these parts

and when  Mercury is going direct again -May 14th-,

project that felt 'stuck' can start to flow again.'

I wrote this and after that :

-I went to the play,

-my special aunt in Canada left this world,

-I got to experience vertigo again......

This play ended with the connection with the present:

How do we treat each other,

can we see people or do we see refugees,

do we act from fear or from trust....

What is going on in your life?

Is it starting to flow again or.....

did doors open that you liked to kept shut...

Are you in a hurry,

or can you choose to be patient....

I choose to trust and to be patient...

Practicing the guitar,

choosing to take long walks in nature again,

taking time to read a book and.....

starting to let go of books I don't need anymore

and to clean out 'old' files.......

Not all at once......

a little bit every day.....

The universe is not in a hurry:

why should I?

The universe makes sure

everything that needs to happen,

will happen.

Is it working all the time?

No.....I am still a work in progress ;-)

I hope you take time to 

'smell the flowers',

to enjoy friends and family,

let go of guild and shame

and......take your responsibility,

one day at a time.....

On our way to peace....

Peace.....

Today there is a full moon in Scorpio, an eclipse:

are you in peace or are you suppressing emotions.....

Are you going for your passion, 

or do you stay in your comfort zone....

What comes up in your life?

This energy -because it is an eclipse-

will be with us the coming half year,

and started with the Solar eclipse a few weeks ago.

I can feel this energy and

are open for it's challenges.....

Can I find the balance between Taurus and Scorpio,

the balance between trust, safety and passion and courage.

Do I have the courage to transform/clean/let go

or do I want to feel safe and secure 

and am I afraid to 'make waves'....

Am I going through life

by fear or by love.....

Do I recognize it

or do I need mirrors from the outside world.....

A few days ago I was cleaning a storage place:

we had 'little butterfly's'/moths flying in the evening

and didn't know were they came from. 

We expected a spot in the storage room,

a spot were we put 'stuff' we sometimes use,

but not all the time....

Even though I love butterfly's,

I am not to keen on moths.....

After taking everything of the shelves

and cleaning them,

I replaced, threw some stuff out, 

and gave some away.

After that I put everything back.

Jaap had to put some back as well

so I went out for a short walk.\

to give him space to do what he needed to do.

When I came back, he found 'the caterpillars'.....

I had put them back on the shelves

without realising it......

They were hidden in a folded rain poncho.

I hadn't use it for a long time, but.....

'you never know and....you can make it into a tent!'

Because of the material, 

I thought they would never go in there.....

There was also a big umbrella with the same material:

yes they were in there as well.....

The energy of this full moon and Mercury retrograde:

are we doing the same thing over and over

and do we forget that we also could have a tunnel vision....

We will be confronted with it these days

especially because Uranus is involved 

and a Retrograde Pluto.

 This was not the only mirror I got.

The last weeks I felt really tired and I choose to take more time for me.

I didn't like this feeling and was judging myself.....

-even if I knew what is going on in my Astrology chart....-

You can imagine how it was for me when someone said:

'You have so much energy! You are so active, 

you don't even have time to read a book!

-I have time to read a book ;-) but it touched something in me-

It felt as if it was not ok to have energy

and......

for me there was something else

I should look into

so instead of going on,

I took time to look inside 

if there could be hidden emotions -Scorpio-

I took time to feel and

there was something touched that was important.

It was not a guild feeling -'you shouldn't be so active'

but something else.....

Later that day, after I used some cards for advise,

I Knew what it was....

It was a 'hidden caterpillar'

I watched a documentary about kids with cancer,

and one of the mom's said:

'I do everything for her to make her last weeks special:

what she likes to eat is in the fridge.

I look for special things 

to see and to do. 

Everything to make her life as good as it can be'

'Can you rest' the interviewer asked?

She didn't react, just shook her head and you could see

how tensed she was.....

I remembered that after I was diagnosed with cancer,

I 'just' kept on living, 

doing a lot with our kids

and the kids I taught.

One of the mothers asked me once:

'you are doing so much, it is as if you

don't believe you have enough time....'

I don't remember how I reacted,

I remember the feeling: 'I do something wrong'.....

All of a sudden I realise that it could be,

that I want to live every moment....

I don't want to have any regrets

and.....

'I don't know how much time I have'......

A feeling from fear-Scorpio, 

instead of love and trust -Taurus-

Still....after 37 years....

I also realise that I was holding on to that feeling

and...it is time to let it go.....

My way to deal with it in the past,

is just one way....

most likely a way to control,

instead of a way of trust......

An immature Taurus and Scorpio.....

Instead of feeling guilt,

I now feel space, rest and love....

Deep down I feel that it always will be ok,

Deep down I Know that we all go our own path

and there is not a wrong or best way,

there is only the best way for you!

I also realise that I wrote about this 

more often in my blogs

and....it feels different for me know,

I let go of another layer.....

Now I am a grandmother,

and because of this an old feeling came up....

subconsciously.

Now I can choose to heal and change....

My aunt, also grandma Canada for our children

celebrated her 100th birthday.

Emigrated to Canada in the 50ish

not knowing the language

and together with her husband

had to find a way to live, to survive.

To make a safe place for their children.

It is a warm family,

people feel safe and secure - Taurus-

and.....

also in this family there are challenges -Scorpio-

My aunt and uncle, -Taurus and Scorpio-

founded a family.

It was not easy in the beginning,

but .....they had the passion and the love,

showed the courage to deal with challenges.

My uncle died a few year ago

and....some hidden emotions came up....

My aunt fell just after her birthday,

and will not be on this earth very much longer.

What will happen when she leaves....

Will the family still be safe and secure,

dealing with dead - Scorpio-?

Will old hurt emotion come up

and be dealt with or will it divide people.....

I realised I had old believes, I didn't like to look at

-I am glad Jaap looked a bit closer at the stuff

I put back on the shelves.

-I am glad someone mirrored my being 'so active'-

and instead of being angry and feeling guilty

felt safe and secure enough -Taurus-

to look inside -Scorpio-

I am sure the coming half year I get more mirrors,

I realise that everyone is going it's own path

in the time that is needed.

I also know that it is a spiral path

and hope you all remember when you feel 

'stuck' or 'hopeless' that you are 

just going deeper......

letting go a little bit more,

so a little bit more love and peace can come in......

Remember: 

you are not alone,

ask help if you need it!