Today there is a full moon in Scorpio, an eclipse:
are you in peace or are you suppressing emotions.....
Are you going for your passion,
or do you stay in your comfort zone....
What comes up in your life?
This energy -because it is an eclipse-
will be with us the coming half year,
and started with the Solar eclipse a few weeks ago.
I can feel this energy and
are open for it's challenges.....
Can I find the balance between Taurus and Scorpio,
the balance between trust, safety and passion and courage.
Do I have the courage to transform/clean/let go
or do I want to feel safe and secure
and am I afraid to 'make waves'....
Am I going through life
by fear or by love.....
Do I recognize it
or do I need mirrors from the outside world.....
A few days ago I was cleaning a storage place:
we had 'little butterfly's'/moths flying in the evening
and didn't know were they came from.
We expected a spot in the storage room,
a spot were we put 'stuff' we sometimes use,
but not all the time....
Even though I love butterfly's,
I am not to keen on moths.....
After taking everything of the shelves
and cleaning them,
I replaced, threw some stuff out,
and gave some away.
After that I put everything back.
Jaap had to put some back as well
so I went out for a short walk.\
to give him space to do what he needed to do.
When I came back, he found 'the caterpillars'.....
I had put them back on the shelves
without realising it......
They were hidden in a folded rain poncho.
I hadn't use it for a long time, but.....
'you never know and....you can make it into a tent!'
Because of the material,
I thought they would never go in there.....
There was also a big umbrella with the same material:
yes they were in there as well.....
The energy of this full moon and Mercury retrograde:
are we doing the same thing over and over
and do we forget that we also could have a tunnel vision....
We will be confronted with it these days
especially because Uranus is involved
and a Retrograde Pluto.
This was not the only mirror I got.
The last weeks I felt really tired and I choose to take more time for me.
I didn't like this feeling and was judging myself.....
-even if I knew what is going on in my Astrology chart....-
You can imagine how it was for me when someone said:
'You have so much energy! You are so active,
you don't even have time to read a book!
-I have time to read a book ;-) but it touched something in me-
It felt as if it was not ok to have energy
for me there was something else
I should look into
so instead of going on,
I took time to look inside
if there could be hidden emotions -Scorpio-
I took time to feel and
there was something touched that was important.
It was not a guild feeling -'you shouldn't be so active'
but something else.....
Later that day, after I used some cards for advise,
I Knew what it was....
It was a 'hidden caterpillar'
I watched a documentary about kids with cancer,
and one of the mom's said:
'I do everything for her to make her last weeks special:
what she likes to eat is in the fridge.
I look for special things
to see and to do.
Everything to make her life as good as it can be'
'Can you rest' the interviewer asked?
She didn't react, just shook her head and you could see
how tensed she was.....
I remembered that after I was diagnosed with cancer,
I 'just' kept on living,
doing a lot with our kids
and the kids I taught.
One of the mothers asked me once:
'you are doing so much, it is as if you
don't believe you have enough time....'
I don't remember how I reacted,
I remember the feeling: 'I do something wrong'.....
All of a sudden I realise that it could be,
that I want to live every moment....
I don't want to have any regrets
'I don't know how much time I have'......
A feeling from fear-Scorpio,
instead of love and trust -Taurus-
Still....after 37 years....
I also realise that I was holding on to that feeling
and...it is time to let it go.....
My way to deal with it in the past,
is just one way....
most likely a way to control,
instead of a way of trust......
An immature Taurus and Scorpio.....
Instead of feeling guilt,
I now feel space, rest and love....
Deep down I feel that it always will be ok,
Deep down I Know that we all go our own path
and there is not a wrong or best way,
there is only the best way for you!
I also realise that I wrote about this
more often in my blogs
and....it feels different for me know,
I let go of another layer.....
Now I am a grandmother,
and because of this an old feeling came up....
Now I can choose to heal and change....
My aunt, also grandma Canada for our children
celebrated her 100th birthday.
Emigrated to Canada in the 50ish
not knowing the language
and together with her husband
had to find a way to live, to survive.
To make a safe place for their children.
It is a warm family,
people feel safe and secure - Taurus-
also in this family there are challenges -Scorpio-
My aunt and uncle, -Taurus and Scorpio-
founded a family.
It was not easy in the beginning,
but .....they had the passion and the love,
showed the courage to deal with challenges.
My uncle died a few year ago
and....some hidden emotions came up....
My aunt fell just after her birthday,
and will not be on this earth very much longer.
What will happen when she leaves....
Will the family still be safe and secure,
dealing with dead - Scorpio-?
Will old hurt emotion come up
and be dealt with or will it divide people.....
I realised I had old believes, I didn't like to look at
-I am glad Jaap looked a bit closer at the stuff
I put back on the shelves.
-I am glad someone mirrored my being 'so active'-
and instead of being angry and feeling guilty
felt safe and secure enough -Taurus-
to look inside -Scorpio-
I am sure the coming half year I get more mirrors,
I realise that everyone is going it's own path
in the time that is needed.
I also know that it is a spiral path
and hope you all remember when you feel
'stuck' or 'hopeless' that you are
just going deeper......
letting go a little bit more,
so a little bit more love and peace can come in......
you are not alone,
ask help if you need it!