Experience shape you, you decide: fear or love....

 All the experiences in our life shaped us.

It started with our birth.

We had to go through the birth canal,

show courage to start this new life.

Mars.....the right to exist.

With Mars retrograde we can be confronted

with old pain, resistance, feeling blocked,

rejecting ourselves.

How much do you compensate?

Do you feel you have to prove something?

-How do you celebrate Christmas?-

If you do....most likely 

there is an old wound inside of you...

War, infections, anger, tactless, being passive aggressive,

not finishing things and being sexual aggressive 

are some signs of an immature Mars.

This week I saw the documentary 'The boy with no yesterday'.

It is a Dutch documentary

De Jongen Zonder Gisteren | NPO Start

about a young adult who got an brain infection when he was 21 years old.

Very bright, did two majors in university: economy and philosophy.

Very good in sports and played many instruments.

He went to Harvard and in his first year there was a trip to Mexico.

He didn't feel that well, but went.

He became very ill all of a sudden 

and a friend brought him to the hospital.

In short: 

they didn't know what was going on, 

they had to transfer him to America.

His parent and an uncle came -a neurologist- came

and....after 5 weeks he could play the piano again,

but was still very week.......

He didn't recognize is mom and dad,

he couldn't remember anything anymore before he was 21......

They went back to Holland and tried to do things to get his memory back,

only......nothing....

He didn't remember his brother and sister, friends

didn't remember what Christmas was, 

and had no idea how 'to behave' in a society........

There were 'no programs', 

he started with a clean sleeve.....

His drive to learn,

his ability to play the piano,

his humor was still intact....

It is as if there was no 'Saturn' blockage......

When he went back to Harvard to pick up his stuff at the end the year,

he came at the border to show his passport.

He knew that honesty was important so he was honest.

'Did you pack you bags yourself?'

....'no'......

They took him to a little room.

He got a next question:

'Did someone give you a package to take with you?'

......'yes'.....

For him it was strange that you couldn't be honest.....

he is pure, not afraid of anything,

so speaking to a lot of people is great for him.

He likes to share...

Was it always easy?

No.....he had a time when another infection came

and he had to take prednisone. 

He gained lot's of weight and got depressed.

'I was standing next to a railway crossing and didn't want to live anymore.

And then I thought: 

'I focus on the not so nice things. I can also focus on the happy things.

Can I make more happy situations? Yes I can! '

So I decided to make more happy situations. '

He doesn't go into finance anymore,

he is a teacher now, and the kids he teaches love him.

He still has the same friends as before:

'I make new memory's with them'

He is so grateful for his parents,

that they were there for him the whole time

for 'his new birth'...

Next year we have a Neptune/Saturn conjunction in Pisces:

Can we let go of being a victim, can we be firm And soft,

Can we remember we are all One, or are we afraid and think we need borders......

I heard an astrologer say: 

'We are mixed up....Saturn is the illusion and Neptune is real.....'

Thinking about this I agree.......

If you look at the story of this 'boy without yesterday'

then you see that unconditional love of the parents, no expectations,

only love brought him back to himself.

Now he is living the life he chooses to: 

'I want to do something good for society'

and

 'Perhaps I was programmed to go to university because this is/was my upbringing

and didn't I know what I really wanted.'

How is it in your life?

Do you do what you love

or do you do what is expected of you?

We are all going to 'the birth canal' to set food in 'a new world',

and.....

do you remember and Know that you have it in you to do that?

Do you embrace yourself, take the steps and feel your courage?

I hope and wish you can and do.

For now, it is almost Christmas.

The celebration of light,

the days are getting longer.

I hope you take the time to enjoy,

to BE YOU,

and let go of the thought what others think you need to be...

Mars retrograde....which wolf do you feed?

 How does the universe show you, your vibration?

On December 6th, 

Mars went retrograde.

Mars goes retrograde ones in the 2 years.

It is the planet of desire, action, energy, 

drive, courage, determination 

and setting boundaries.

If not in balance you see anger, aggression, 

arrogance, violence and in your body infections.

It is the planet of the warrior, the hero.

Just as it is with Mercury retrograde,

it helps you to look inside,

to re-visit, re-start, 

re-set, re- adjust, re-focus

and to re-connect.

Together with Mercury retrograde

it shows us more of 'hidden emoties'

that like to be healed.....

With Mars in Leo,

it means: 

reconnect with your creativity,

your unique spark 

that makes you shine.

To act with self confident, 

go after what you want

in a direct self-assured way.

How do you use your energy and....

were did you dim your fire......

Where did you put others needs ahead of your own,

Where did you stay quiet to avoid confrontation.

Where did you dim your light to make others more comfortable....

Leo energy is an energy as the Sun:

it IS....it 'Just' shines without having to prove anything....

If parts of you believe they are not good as they are,

Ego comes in......an immature ego:

it can go both ways: being 'a bully', a 'dictator'

or acting as a 'victim', feeling powerless...

So this retrograde Mars period - till Feb. 23 2015-

will help us to

-reclaim our space

-reconnect with your passion

-honour your creative fire

-setting boundaries there were they are needed.

.

Only....

this retrograde period

is not only in the sign of Leo,

it goes back into Cancer as well.

A totally different energy:

Mars in Cancer can avoid a direct approach,

is more emotional, defensive rather

then overly aggressive.....

needs emotional safety, 

can focus on the other, 

the persons we love and want to protect....

Sometimes forget about ourselves....

So we will re-visit,

re-connect, re-adjust 

this energy as well....

The pre-shadow period of Mars in Cancer started Oct. 4th

till Nov. 5th.

On Jan. 7 till Feb. 23 it is retrograde

and the post shadow period is till April 19.

The pre shadow in Leo is from Nov. 5th till December 6th.

Retrograde till Jan. 7th and the post shadow

from April 19 till May 2th.

So....this Christmas time with family

can be a time to be AND there for what your family likes 

and also what YOU like.....

Can you find a middle way.......

My Godchild lives in Lebanon.

She is lucky to have conscious parents,

they choose love over fear AND.....

they also 'have to' deal with old wounds....

they were in the war themselves as a child.....

AND....their parents as well.

Her mother shared a story:

'We are told when we have to leave our homes

 because there will be a bombardment.

We leave and have to hope our houses are still there the next morning.

Ours is still there only one of our friends was not so lucky.

Their son's first reaction: 'What about my lego?!?'

For me, this is how a shock looks like.......

I am sure he has conscious parents as well and....

still...it is heartbreaking.....

And still,  people choose to help each other....

choose love over fear.

What will happen the coming time for them

when they re-visit, re-adjust, re-set,

re-focus and re-connect.......

For me it worked out very personal.

I parked the car in The Haque,

two of our kids live there.

When going from the one to the other,

and wanting to go home,

I saw the damage......

Someone 'touched my car' 

and didn't leave a note.....

The video doorbell from a neighbour 

didn't reach that far....

so...it is 'on me'.....

 Instead of being angry, I was shocked

and surprisingly 'calm'.

Later on when I sat done,

took time to rest ;-)

other emotions came up.

 'did I do something wrong'....

and 'what about all the other area's of my life?!?.....

Guilty feelings come up

and 'the black wolf' was talking.....

Luckily the white wolf is stronger now :-)

THE LEGEND OF THE TWO WOLVES || Native American Legend

I realised that guild and responsibility

are often mixed up......

also in me.....

I also realise that guild is blocking energy

and responsibility is freeing energy......

it makes sure 

you take action and are determined

to live the life you choose to.

Syria, 

it was quiet for a long time.....

or better....in the media it was quiet.

In 2011 the war started

and....an 'old leader' was still in place.

Now Damascus is falling....

'People' claim their power......

 

Is this true? 

I am not sure....

Did these people deal with their anger 

and do they take action to be free

so they can build up a country for all people

or......

is there still a wounded ego

and will there be different people leading

in the same energy as the old ones did:

want power from fear, instead of power of love......

-Mars retrograde in Cancer and Leo-

How is this in your life?

In relationships, divorce/split ups...

Can you choose to forgive and

work together so you children can live in love instead of fear

or it there still lot's of anger, aggression....

Are you angry you didn't stand up for your self then,

and....can you choose to forgive yourself 

forgive yourself for not knowing then

what you know now?

How is it in your body?

What does it show you?

Do you set boundaries or......are you in a burn out......

Do you set boundaries or.....

do you 'feed' yourself with unhealthy food/information.

Perhaps it is time to look were you gave your energy away,

set boundaries and realise it is about YOU.

Who let you believe the other is more important then you?

Which wolf are you feeding?

The gift to heal....

 

You've got one chance, the gift to feel

Love's deepest pain you cannot heal

It shatters every memory that you keep inside

I tell you this because I know

Protect what's dear, don't trade your soul

'Cause there's nothing left around you

There's no place left to go

All you can, all you can

You gotta take this life and live it

All you can, all you can

Never let it go

There's one thing in this life I understand, oh

Più Che Puoi (Eros Ramazzotti & Cher) LYRICS + VOICE

'You've got one chance....the gift to feel......'

Most of us are brought up '

that only some feelings were ok......

Anger, pain, sadness and insecurity

were feelings to hide......

Happiness, and conforming to 'what society thought was right'

gave you the feeling of belonging,

of 'being al right'.

So instead of feeling

a lot of us learned 'doing'.......

Doing what society wanted us to be......

Most of the time an illness

war or other challenging situations

let us realise that this is important.....

'Dance before the music is over'

'Enjoy your life Now!'

How much do you Trust.....

and......

in what area's of you life 

do you still feel 

you need to be in control......

- 5 Pillars-

Even though I look conscious at my life

and deal with emotions,

I also realise that there are parts in me 

that are not totally free....yet.....

Can you respect the parts in you

that are not in peace....yet?

Can you accept your fear,

your pain, your insecurity,

your anger and.....feel them.....?

Can you deal with them 

without hurting others,

because you realise these are YOUR emotions....

Can you protect what is dear to you,

'don't trade your soul'......

Can you choose 

tobe respectful to the disagreement inside yourself.....

I used the last month to do all kind of the things

I felt 'I had to do' - Saturn-

so.....

I have the time to enjoy December

-Jupiter with the New Moon-

AND 

have time for unexpected events.

It gives me peace inside.

I realise that I have to communicate,

talk about my feelings,

trust my intuition

and.....plan....

.

I also feel and realise

that if I feel emotions,

that those are mine......

I am responsible for them.....

I trust that what I need to heal

and learn will come my way.

I trust that it will be ok.

My biggest challenge,

my greatest mirror,

my biggest joy

were my children/grandchildren this year.

They made me look at another great mirror:

my husband.

Can I be Me, being there for myself,

 AND be together,

 being there for each other

Then there are my 'clients':

Everyone of them is special and in there own way

they mirror me as well.....

They challenge my parts that are healed

AND the parts that needs some more healing.....

I realise, 

I only could/can deal with this,

because I let go of some old thinking patterns,

patterns that had to do with my youth.....

So......

how is it with you?

Could you let go of some 'old thinking patterns',

and heal the relationship with yourself

and the people around you?

Choose to be happy today....

Two new Moons.

 The last month of the year.....

A month starting with a new Moon and ending with a new Moon:

new beginnings.

To start something new, you have to let of of the old/the past.

How was this year for you, the people around you?

Mercury is retrograde at the moment and in the sign of Sagittarius

it helps us to find OUR truth.....to think for our selves

and feel......

For me the last month of the year is a month

of taking balance: how it is with the 5 Pillars.

Mind, Body, Relations, Society and Finance.

If you like to check this, you can re-read

my blogs from December 2016 in you like to read it in Dutch,

or from December 2019 when you choose English.

Neptune is going direct, so the 'fog'/illusions

of the last months will become clear

and with Mercury retrograde,

you can expect to get clarity:

what do YOU feel, what is YOUR reality.

Also: 

what are we doing if we/someone

it paying 6,2 million dollar for a banana with tape

while people are in war and in hunger.......

How is it in your life?

How do you spend your money and....

are you happy with it or.....

are you doing things people expect your to do.....

Mars will go retrograde as well:

were do you need to set boundaries,

do you recognize your emotional wounds

and protect them or do you react from them....

Saturn is in the mix of the new Moon,

as it Jupiter: be patient, have discipline

AND....give yourself space.

Space to heal and grow.

We already see signs of Pluto in Aquarius.

In Australia there is a social Media ban for children under 16.

Not to punish, but to protect:

studies show how it affects mental health, 

self worth of young people.

After 'no cell phones' in class, this is the next step.

In Holland some newspapers are not on X anymore:

to much disinformation,

no respect.

Dating apps are changing:

the way it was is not how it works for most of the people

AND....makes people feel unworthy of themselves....

I wish you all a good last month of the year.

A month to look back and reflect.

A month to look back and be grateful.

A month to look back and look at the positive changes you made.

Also a month to have compassion with yourself.

Especially if you 'heard' a voice inside

that 'blamed/criticized' yourself first 

instead of looking at the positive changes you made....

You are Worthy,

you are Love and.....

if you can feel this again,

you also will feel at ease, in Peace.

Sinterklaas, Santa, Christmas

is connected with December:

BE.....

and you will receive what you choose.

Enjoy a great magical month.