Did you allow yourself to rest?
Did you re-plenish yourself
after re-visiting old situations/persons?
If you did you used the retrograde period well.
Now it is February,
the month of Carnival.
A celebration of joy,
respect for each other.
A celebration of each others uniqueness
and still being part of the group.
A celebration just before the start of
fasting.....40 days of fasting and then:
How is our attitude?
Could it be that we celebrate sometimes
as if we are happy,
but not always feel it?
Could it be that the 40 days of fasting is the time
that we can go inside and let go of old believes
that prevent us
from living the life we are supposed to live?
We pretend to be ourselves but aren't ....yet?
The last 2 years we couldn't celebrate Carnival
because of Covid.
It is as if we needed a 'big fast'.......
We all got the time to delete old patterns,
The time of a virus is about 2 years,
so we are at the end of this pandemic:
did we heal, did we grow,
did we accept, did we forgive?
Do we give ourselves second changes,
do we give people around us second changes....
Or do we believe we have to build walls.....
walls without doors and/or windows....
As a child I was 'dishonest'
and because of this, I got a book I really wanted
I always felt the dishonesty
and that was bigger than the joy the book gave me.....
It took me years to realise that my grandmother
knew I didn't write my own name....
I believed I had to 'deserve' it
and didn't believe in my own talent/power.....
I wanted it so bad that I used manipulation...
an immature way of using Power,
to get what you want......
I was immature.....and still there was a voice
inside of me, that treated me as a mature......
I was my own worst critic....
Was I dishonest or was I 'just a child' ?
How come I felt I had to manipulate to get what I wanted......
How come I felt I didn't get the time to write my name by myself:
'I can not do it in the same way my teacher can',
comparison.....I was almost 6....
How many people who read this blog had experiences with
sexual transgressive behaviour?
I think a lot...
I did, more than once and.....
I didn't say anything because it was 'family' and
'my dad would be so angry towards them'
-I never thought he would be angry at me.....-
I remember being in Holland
after I became a mom,
living on the other side of the country
making a phone call to my mom.
It was on a Monday morning
and she sounded so upset.
I asked her what was going on and she said:
'your dad is not here on a Monday and 'he'
always comes and tries.....'
When I asked what she was talking about,
she explained and I was so shocked.
I felt her fear so much that I told her
'This should stop!' and I promised
her to do something....
I called an aunt and explained....
The first thing she said: 'She too?!?'
I didn't have to do anything anymore....
She called other female members in the family
and there were more
who had the same experience....
They talked about it ....also with him
Did he become an outcast?
He could live his life,
the others could live their life.....
At least on the surface.....
I knew my mom's feeling
and even though I couldn't stand up for myself,
I could do it for her....
It took some more years to do it for myself....
and....that is ok....
When you are ready you get the opportunity's...
Can I stand up for myself now?
Can I let my voice speak from a place of love and understanding,
or from a place of anger and frustration?
the 8th house, Scorpio, Pluto,
relate to Power, Sexuality, War, Surgery and
being a detective or a murderer.....
It relates to trust and transformation
or manipulating and control.
How this energy works out depends
if the energy is immature or mature.
We will be in this energy till
Teenagers need to get the opportunity to find out
if they can trust themselves to be
who they want to be and be part of a community.
They need parents who trust themselves.
Trust, they did a good job AND.....also know
their children are unique and not clones of themselves.
So trust and let go is not always easy.
Parents are still parents
and have to use parenting
if teenagers need to be protected for themselves.
All parents make 'mistakes'...it is a learning curve:
forgiving/saying sorry, changing plans is part of the deal.
It shows power.....
Always realise your child is unique, authentic
and with a gift no one else has...
You 'only' have to love and guide,
Realise that you are not using power
but manipulation if you promise them
thinks by saying:
'If you don't smoke/drink till your 18,
we will pay your driving licence....'
How often do we use manipulation
in our own lives?
Comparing ourselves with others,
as if we are not good just as you are...
Thinking we have to be perfect NOW,
as if we aren't already perfect.....
If you want to change
because you are not happy,
it is your choice......
We 'just' have to feel if we live our live,
or if we still live the life others planned for us....
I still see and hear a lot of angry people,
people without compassion,
who judge people even people
they don't know......
I always wonder:
what in their life is still bothering them,
things they are afraid to deal with or
perhaps they even don't know....
I feel for them
more and more I can let it be.....
In one of my dreams someone I wanted to help,
gave me a small lawn mower
for my own garden....
I looked at it and
when I woke up realised what it meant
and had to smile :-)
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