Monday 20 September 2021

.....I was still running....Part 3


Every year we celebrate our birthday.

The Sun goes round in one year,

so your birthday is the time 

when the Sun is on the same place 

as when when you were born.

I sounds clear, but it is not always so:

it can be that the Sun is in the exact place

a day later or a day earlier than the year you were born!

On that day you get new Sun energy,

and you set the energy for the year,

so it is important to celebrate it 

as YOU want to celebrate it,

you should 'Shine'...

I always take time to look back 

and to look forward around the time of my birthday.

When I read my diary from last year,

I realised that I mentioned 'not feeling well'

and 'same as last year',

also: 'I get new Sun energy,

so it will be ok'

We had great days in Scheveningen,

and this was one of the pictures I made.....

I felt good AND had a cough....

-in these times of corona it is challenging,

you realise that you are 'not supposed to cough' anymore ;-)-

I love the sea, the boats,

the people around it.

All enjoying them selves 

and.....take it easy,

even if they are busy.....

I saw this boat, saw it's smiley face

and loved the name: 'Noordster' -North Star-

It reminded me to follow my path...

When we drove back home and...

my coughing fits were still very strong,

I decided to look at it, 

as I would with my clients:


'not running, but moving'

It was exactly on the day of my Sun return,

a day before my birthday.

I was shocked when I asked for the theme:

 'hopelessness, it will never get better, giving up hope...'

What was going on?!?

Was it that bad?!?

In a way it was....only....

it came for old emotions,

still stored in my cell memory.....

The last years I got 'signs' but

I decided not to 'move' completely....

I needed more time,

I found excuses not to look.

Now it was the time.

I looked at situations in the past:

-letting go of family and the fear of doing something wrong,

-starting my practice and feeling 'can I really help people:

who do I think I am?!?'

-my first job as a teacher and feeling the odd one out:

'why don't we work together so I will be better for children,

why are we following a system that doesn't work for all?!?'

When I came to that situation,

I got a bad coughing fit and....

realised I should have a look at the meaning of that as well:

'coughing up inner resistance, outlet of suppressed anger'....

Then I came to my birth......

and felt the energy I took with me in this world,

and it also had to do with past lives/family patterns.

I realised that in this life I got the chance

to learn to take matters in my own hand,

to realise that I have the power and courage inside,

and it is ok to use it...

When I look back at the situations

I tested,

I realised I showed courage,

more than I realised in the past....

Perhaps I was 'to quick' for some people

and was society not always ready.

Most likely I didn't realise 

that we all get the time we need.....

I can't Do it for others,

and I shouldn't.....

I only can make sure that those people

who I can help to be the best version of themselves,

will 'find me'....

Not everyone needs to be/stay in my life,

and it doesn't say anything of my own worth....

I only have to be the 'lighthouse'....

Suppressed anger.....

it makes you sick


'society doesn't like angry people'

'family's don't like angry people'.

Could it be that we are confused....

that we still think as a wounded child,

that love and speaking up/taking action

can not combined?!?

Do we still think and feel that if a loved ones says 'no',

it means you are not loved?

Do you see it in society?

-'your not a good child if you behave like this'.

- family members are not accepting you

when you have a different opinion. 

In Holland there was a murder and it has to do

with different vaccination opinions.

- colleague's who want you to act the same as they because

'we need to be one front'....

Apparently it is still inside me.....

my coughing is not over....yet.....

'Moving' sounds so easy,

but has it challenges......

I move into my 'new year' and am being grateful.

I was spoiled :-)

One of the sunflowers I put in a separate vase:

a reminder of being 'me' in a group.

I am looking forward to a beautiful year.

The image of Zoe is an important one for me:

you see her in a picture with 2 rainbows....

The last time I saw this was after our house burned down:

then I knew it would be ok....

It was ok, it took longer then we thought,

we had challenges, had to speak up and...

realised that not all people deserve your trust...

The picture of Zoe is for me the sign that it will 

be ok in the future.

Probably there will be some challenges,

most likely we need more patience

and will we find out who we can 

and who we shouldn't trust.

The most important thing:

Trust yourself and Know 

you get as many changes you need

to remember again who you are:

Love and

Powerful beyond measure!


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