Peace from broken pieces....part 3

To be a tree means we need to have roots delving deep in the earth....

How strong are our roots?

How deep are they in the earth?

Can they hold the tree when there is a storm?

Our family are our roots, 

we grow them as a child

and some of them we inherit.

If we feel loved and safe,

the roots are strong.

If we get messages that are conflicting,

they are getting less strong....

'I have to make sure I am quiet,

because loud people are being punished'

'I have to make sure I DO things,

because doing 'nothing' gets you in trouble.'

'I have to make sure I act how people like me to act,

if I do what I like and it is not what they like,

than they give me 'funny' faces.'

'I have to have high marks in school

in subjects 'they' decide what is import,

nice subjects are not that important.'

'I have to have lot's of friends,

because that means I belong,

if not it means I am not loved.'

Broken Pieces.....

 If we choose not to deal with our broken pieces,

we will subconscious live from guilt and with anxiety...

You can see it in the outside world,

only are you prepared to look at them inside of yourself?

After reading the book Peace from broken pieces,

I realised that I recognize more pieces than I did 10 years ago...

I got a reaction from indirect from a very dear person:

'How come Berndien can help so many people 

and somethings she doesn't for her self......'

Broken pieces.....

My dad walked away angry when we had 'wortel stamppot' ....

-mashed potato's with carrots and onions-

he didn't like it and.....

I felt bad for him:

he worked hard was very busy

and....'now he had nothing to eat!'

My mom was not affected by it.....so it seems,

but it became very quiet at the table.......

I recognize patterns in my own life.....

I realise that I cook what Jaap likes,

even if I don't like it so much....

When I re-visit this situation,

I also realise that they didn't talk to solve this,

my dad 'just walked out'.....

something I can do as well.......

even if it is getting better....

AND....if my soul wants to take a next step,

and my mind doesn't 'see it',

then my body shows me there is 'old anger'....

-while writing this I have a coughing fit....-

When I look at my siblings, I see a same pattern

and also a pattern that is being solved....

I am glad because it means 

that our kids don't need to inherit it ;-)

How challenging for parents.....

How can we trust that life will give your child exactly what it needs?

We didn't always get it so

we decide to take control....

'we know better, so we will do better'

That is true: you do what you think is best,

not realising you have 'broken pieces'....

I had a great dad, 

he worked hard and had his own business.

When he saw me on the bike 

while he was in his truck, 

he stopped and asked how my day was.

When I was late coming from school

and it became dark,

I often saw him coming with his truck

to pick me up.

The bike went in the back and I was sitting next to him.

A great dad and.....

he was one of a family of 14,

he was in the middle 

of the bombing of his town in World war 2,

he was a soldier in 'Indie'....

Broken Pieces....

When talking about society and politics on the dinner table

we could have heated discussions and that was ok,

only not for my mom.....

she didn't like it at all....

She was also hard working, as was my dad,

and.....she had a business heart....

She wanted us to study,

to do all we could do and was proud of it.

When I decide to do social study's,

she didn't agree and talked bad 

about people who went to do this.

'If I lived now, I would choose to be a teacher

Just guess what I became....

She did lot of courses and 

managed the shop they had at home. 

She also was a skillful tailor.

Even when she was married and had small children

she helped out at her parents home,

even made dresses for her sisters and mother....

All for free.

She couldn't go to college

because 'girls didn't go to college'

Her brother went, but.....

he was not 'made for it' 

and....he stopped......

What did I learn?

'You should work hard,

and do what other people expect from you

because then you will be loved'

The last years of her life were not so easy:

her children were not at home anymore,

she didn't know what she wanted

and what she liked. 

She asked us first what we thought

and then her sisters

only.....

when they didn't like it, 

she didn't want it anymore.....

Broken pieces....

When I came back to Holland in 1997,

I felt the same

'What do I really like,

what do I want?!?'

I choose different courses,

all about 'social study's'.....

and....

both my parents were very interested in it

even though some of my siblings thought it was 'weird'.....

This helped me to heal part of my broken Pieces....

When my parents died,

I got other roll models to help me to heal broken pieces.

I needed some more healing

and I attracted a woman with the same energy as my mom.  

I learned a lot from her

AND could let go of some broken pieces....

Power over/manipulating instead of inner power,

I did a lot for free.....

Also male figures: powerful man, nice man,

who forgot to use there power and were manipulating...

also not using their power.

Groups who worked together, like a family,

but were not equal, didn't feel equal......

What was my personal lie?

-'I am never enough'

-'I only am loved if I DO things for others'

-'You shouldn't be yourself, because then

your different and different is weird

and then you don't belong'

-'You can not trust people, because they

are only nice if you can do something for them,

after that they will let you down.'

Even though I KNOW/KNEW these things are not true,

my FEELING tell me sometimes 

something different.

Those feelings are emotions,

it is not intuition!

The difference between those two 

are not always easy to recognise.

Intuition is calm, 

is Knowing,

Emotions are hurtful, explosive, not calm.....

often Broken Pieces......

If I look at the world,

I see a lot of emotions,

a lot of broken Pieces.

I also see more and more acceptance,

people who stop looking at the news

and start looking at their own live again.

They enjoy the 'little things', 

being grateful for what they have,

making changes,

realising life is to short to not enjoy it.

They start to look inside their own life,

start to look at broken pieces.

For me, this is the start of Peace....

The last weeks of 2021 

will be hectic and transforming....

if you choose to,

or 

hectic and violent: our choice...

Can we 'Let go and let 'God''

or do we think we know better.....

The Shift - Wayne Dyer - YouTube

A good movie to watch again.....

Peace from broken pieces....part 2

 Can you still trust?

When I look at a baby or a little child,

I see the wonder and the trust in their eyes....

They trust that they can be who they want to be....

There is an openness 

were trust is not an issues....

there is only love.....

I realise that every parent wants the best for their children,

and teachers want to be the best they can be,

as do organisation and governments....

Still.....

it doesn't go as we always want it to go

and....

it always goes as it should....

Can we choose to trust again

and remember our inner power,

our unconditional love

 and speak up when needed?

We all make 'mistakes'

because we can not see the whole picture.

We all have broken pieces....

Are we accepting this and are we open to listen 

to each other and find a middle way,

find Peace...?

I saw a documentary about 'broken pieces' in this time of Corona....

A 15 year old girl didn't know what to do.....

Her parents were divorced and her father had seen people

on the IC with corona and wanted to be vaccinated.

Her mother was against it and didn't want it....

She lives one week with her father,

one week with her mother.

This 15 year old girl....didn't know what to do,

didn't want to disappoint dad and didn't want to disappoint mom....

She couldn't do all the activity's with her classmates

because she couldn't make a decision....

she felt depressed...

Heartbreaking and I wondered:

how was this divorce......

broken pieces....?

Another young couple 

lived in a house with others: a community.

They were the only ones who weren't vaccinated and....

afraid to speak about it,

afraid what 'others' would think about them,

assuming it would not be ok....

How come they are 'afraid' to talk about it,

afraid to be themselves,

especially because all of them had chosen 

this form of living in society?

Broken pieces.....?

A father - 83 years old- didn't want his daughter to visit him

because she had chosen not to be vaccinated.

They had been very close 

especially because of loosing his wife/her mother

when she was young. 

He is married again....

They both felt torn...

At the end she decides to go to his house 

to bring flowers and....

she brings a 'vaccinated friend'

to present them.

She is very anxious:

 'Will he let me in? Will he be very upset

that I am doing this?!?'

When this friend presented the flowers,

she stood at a distant and....

when her father sees her, 

he immediate greets her ....

You can see he is happy to see her

and.....he ask her in....

With 1,5 meter distance in the house,

they talk and connect again......

You can make peace with broken pieces 

with respect .....

and love....

We just had a Lunar eclipse on Nov. 19: 

an ending of an era. 

An ending is always emotional

The last time we had this was in 2002.

What was going on in your life at that time?

Remember that an ending always means 

there is a new beginning as well...

What was your new beginning at that time?

Are you ready for new beginnings

or do you still need time to make 

'Peace with broken pieces'......

This time the eclipses are even more important

because of the Saturn/Uranus square:

a 'new' world......

respect for everyone.....

The old, outdated patterns should go.....

Most likely you see those patterns in the outside world,

and hopefully you see them also in your own life...

Realise that we only can have this 'new' world

if we make Peace with our personal broken pieces first.....

Peace from broken pieces........

 Last week, this book 'talked' to me from my bookcase.

It is a book I read years ago and when I took it out,

I decided to re-read it.

A great book and.....confrontational:

you can be successful in the outside world

but.....not happy.

You can know so many 'tools to heal',

but.....can you use them for yourself as well

and...

are you prepared to use them....

are you open for suggestions...

In the years I am working as a therapist/coach

I had and have a lot of clients.

I taught a lot of people different tools

to help themselves and....

some used them, some didn't.....

Not always because they didn't want to,

but they were not ready ....yet....

If we feel there is 'an enemy' outside

most likely it mirrors 'broken pieces' inside ourselves...

How many of the broken pieces we have inside,

are 'society pieces' and not only 'family pieces'.....

Can we grow in our own pace

or do we still believe we have to conform:

have to be 

what others want us to be....

Or......

do we want others to be

who we want them to be....

Can we accept and 

respect each other....

I watched a documentary that I didn't want to watch at first....

'I killed someone.....' was the title.

When I started watching it,

 I realised it was about good people

who 'snapped'......

people with 'broken pieces' who didn't realise it

and went on attracting the same situations 

till it was no longer possible...

They hadn't formed healthy boundaries,

didn't realise what freedom was 

and thought 'killing' would give them 'freedom'......

They didn't trust family/friends/society

enough to help them to find freedom....

they thought they had to do it themselves,

because 'no one saw there pain'.....

They got their freedom from the bad situation,

only they ended up in jail.....

They ended up in jail, 8- 10 years......

Time without their children,

time to heal their own  broken pieces,

time to take responsibility and......change....

get their freedom again...

This is also Saturn/Uranus.

Do we need 'prison' to deal with our broken pieces,

or do we take time ourselves to deal with the broken pieces....

Sometimes you have to let people go,

not because you don't love them,

but because they hurt you more than you love them....

When I re-read the book,

I saw the resemblance with the time we live in now.

The virus is in our society,

the virus of fear, lack of responsibility,

fear of using our power,

fear of being powerless....

Hurt by 'parents/teachers/lawmaker',

not trusting they see you,

will take care of you.

The virus as nature:

we didn't work with nature,

didn't respect it,

so it 'fights' back.....

Broken pieces everywhere..... 

The only way we can heal broken pieces

is by love....

Not the love for an other,

but the love for one self.....

The love for the child in you,

for the children around you,

We as adults get a great change now:

do we feed the fear,

or do we stay grounded

and go with the flow....

Are we firm, and questioning what they see and hear,

so they can learn to think for themselves,

or do we want to let them think as we think......

For sensitive children/people it is a challenge:

they 'listen' to the feeling,

not always there own feeling,

often emotions from others......

How confused must they be,

how confused are we....

Do we take time to heal our broken pieces

and find peace or are we going on with projecting.....

November: Power or force.....part 2

 ...... and after the last blog,

what started as a normal conversation,

I became angry and.....

the reaction I got was even more angry!!

I went from feeling despair, to guilty,

all the way to anger 

-up on the scale even though it was not

something I choose consciously to do....-

When I got an even more angry reaction

-I thought I was 'just firm'-

there was a short moment of worry and doubt

that changed quickly into

irritation and frustration....

That gave an even more angry reaction

that I recognized as something one of my siblings could do....

And....

I went to courage....and willingness....

I went for my walk and Jaap.....

-who was my angel in disguise in this ;-)-

I let him be......

When I came back,

he was cleaning the extraction hood....

-what a great sign for all of this :-)-

We went to reason, optimism and peace again,

realising that there is unconditional love....

We talked and realised we both still have

some old issues from the past

and his reaction is different than mine.

I put others first if I feel there is 'old hurt'

and forget myself 

and by this am hurting myself even more.

He is 'lashing out' because of his hurt

and 'forgets' he is hurting others by this and....himself as well.

The same pattern, only a different way of dealing with pain....

We went from guilt, to anger, to empowerment and gratitude

with in between a pause.....;-)

Right now in all country's there is a lot going on:

Is there power or force,

commitment and responsibility, 

finding a way to feel free....

We always have to realise

that freedom without borders 

can not be freedom for all....

And....we are all in....

I am watching a documentary about the Kennedy's

and it is very interesting if you look at it energetically.

Joe, the father, had a dream and he wanted it 'his way'....

his wife had a dream as well and was as determent as her husband.

When it didn't work out as how they wanted it,

they had a different goal: 

their children should make sure their dream came trough.

However......

was it the dream of their children as well?

Could they make the choice they wanted to make?

Did they 'shine as they were born to shine'

or did they have to shine in a way the father and mother

couldn't by themselves.

Was this Power......or force......

I was shocked to see that even when Jack became president

he was 'ordered' 

to give his brother the job in the Justice department.....

When they went to Europe for their first tour,

his mother went with them, 

not because he wanted it, but because she demanded it......

Was it a family that used Power

or a family that used Force......

If you look at what happened in that family

I wonder.....

The sixties were a time with big changes,

now we are in a time of big changes again:

did we learn from the past?

How is it in our family's?

Are we using power or....still force......

If there is force, there is also pain.....

Dead, 

shame, unworthiness, powerless, 

despair, guilt, insecurity,

depression, lack of interest, 

grief and fear........

On the scale of consciousness all emotion under 100.......

All emotion that makes you vulnerable for manipulation.

So if I see angry people 

I like that better than people who are afraid...

I worry sometimes, and am frustrated that people

are lashing out without looking at the other side

and I also realise that most likely

they are afraid to deal with old hurt....

I Know I don't have to worry

because energy is always honest:

you will get what you give.

So I am hopeful and....

while dealing with my old hurts

choose to enjoy life and be happy.

I wish the same for you!

November energy: power or force....

 The last months of the year.....

The sun - in Scorpio- shines on the Uranus/Saturn square,

that will be exact next month for the last time.

What does this mean for us?

Can we Shine as who we are, 

looking inside of us,

being courageous and passionate,

dealing with fear, pain and challenges

or are we projecting.....

Uranus is opposite the sun and wants us to be 

ourselves and...with a square with Saturn...

set boundaries, let old habits go....

Be yourself AND part of a community

I posted the scale of Hawkins before:

it is a scale of consciousness.

Some study's found that if you are above 200,

you are immune for 'fear creation',

you can not be manipulated.

If you are below 200, your mind can be controlled,

you can be manipulated.

Above 200 your mind is stronger than emotions.

Mercury, the communication planets has some challenges:

do we understand each other,

do we listen to hear, of do we listen to respond.....

So if you are feeling overwhelmed, irritated, impatient

and frustrated -200 on the scale-

you Know you are on your way and are

developing your energetic brain ;-)

If you go back to

worry, blame, anger or even guilt,

don't worry......

You only go there to look at it and....

to let it go.....

I think we still have to be careful to burn a bridge 

when you are in an emotional stage......below 200 on the scale.....

This month Mercury wants us to communicate, only....

can we listen to the other or don't we like what we hear

and are you not open to listen to the other side.....

Venus is in the 'cloud' off Neptune this month:

do we see it clear....

or are we  being mislead or do we mislead ourselves...

We want to be free, move forward, only....

did we do what we had to do or do we prefer 'to cheat'.....

or to play 'the victim'.....

Do you really take good care of YOU?

Are you the number 1, 

full of power, light and love

or are there still some 'clouds' before your light......

The 'clouds'/emotion can be fierce with a Sun in Scorpio....

it wants to clean thoroughly,

not just the surface, but under the surface as well...

It is not by accident that these months of the year

are also called 'the flue season'......

we are 'helped' by our body.....

Do we have to be afraid now?

More corona contamination,

more people with extreme reactions.....

Or can we go to neutrality,

hope, belief, joy and gratitude.

-above 200 on the scale-

Which road do you take?

Sometimes you can feel stuck

and.....

you don't know how to move forward.....

If you feel like this: look at the scale,

see were you are and....

take the next step up......

There is no competition,

there is no race,

we all get there in the time we need.....

-Good reminder to myself as well ;-)-