Friday 26 November 2021

Peace from broken pieces....part 3

To be a tree means we need to have roots delving deep in the earth....
How strong are our roots?
How deep are they in the earth?
Can they hold the tree when there is a storm?

Our family are our roots, 
we grow them as a child
and some of them we inherit.

If we feel loved and safe,
the roots are strong.
If we get messages that are conflicting,
they are getting less strong....

'I have to make sure I am quiet,
because loud people are being punished'

'I have to make sure I DO things,
because doing 'nothing' gets you in trouble.'

'I have to make sure I act how people like me to act,
if I do what I like and it is not what they like,
than they give me 'funny' faces.'

'I have to have high marks in school
in subjects 'they' decide what is import,
nice subjects are not that important.'

'I have to have lot's of friends,
because that means I belong,
if not it means I am not loved.'

Broken Pieces.....

 If we choose not to deal with our broken pieces,

we will subconscious live from guilt and with anxiety...

You can see it in the outside world,

only are you prepared to look at them inside of yourself?

After reading the book Peace from broken pieces,

I realised that I recognize more pieces than I did 10 years ago...

I got a reaction from indirect from a very dear person:

'How come Berndien can help so many people 

and somethings she doesn't for her self......'

Broken pieces.....

My dad walked away angry when we had 'wortel stamppot' ....

-mashed potato's with carrots and onions-

he didn't like it and.....

I felt bad for him:

he worked hard was very busy

and....'now he had nothing to eat!'

My mom was not affected by it seems,

but it became very quiet at the table.......

I recognize patterns in my own life.....

I realise that I cook what Jaap likes,

even if I don't like it so much....

When I re-visit this situation,

I also realise that they didn't talk to solve this,

my dad 'just walked out'.....

something I can do as well.......

even if it is getting better....

AND....if my soul wants to take a next step,

and my mind doesn't 'see it',

then my body shows me there is 'old anger'....

-while writing this I have a coughing fit....-

When I look at my siblings, I see a same pattern

and also a pattern that is being solved....

I am glad because it means 

that our kids don't need to inherit it ;-)

How challenging for parents.....

How can we trust that life will give your child exactly what it needs?

We didn't always get it so

we decide to take control....

'we know better, so we will do better'

That is true: you do what you think is best,

not realising you have 'broken pieces'....

I had a great dad, 

he worked hard and had his own business.

When he saw me on the bike 

while he was in his truck, 

he stopped and asked how my day was.

When I was late coming from school

and it became dark,

I often saw him coming with his truck

to pick me up.

The bike went in the back and I was sitting next to him.

A great dad and.....

he was one of a family of 14,

he was in the middle 

of the bombing of his town in World war 2,

he was a soldier in 'Indie'....

Broken Pieces....

When talking about society and politics on the dinner table

we could have heated discussions and that was ok,

only not for my mom.....

she didn't like it at all....

She was also hard working, as was my dad,

and.....she had a business heart....

She wanted us to study,

to do all we could do and was proud of it.

When I decide to do social study's,

she didn't agree and talked bad 

about people who went to do this.

'If I lived now, I would choose to be a teacher

Just guess what I became....

She did lot of courses and 

managed the shop they had at home. 

She also was a skillful tailor.

Even when she was married and had small children

she helped out at her parents home,

even made dresses for her sisters and mother....

All for free.

She couldn't go to college

because 'girls didn't go to college'

Her brother went, but.....

he was not 'made for it' 

and....he stopped......

What did I learn?

'You should work hard,

and do what other people expect from you

because then you will be loved'

The last years of her life were not so easy:

her children were not at home anymore,

she didn't know what she wanted

and what she liked. 

She asked us first what we thought

and then her sisters


when they didn't like it, 

she didn't want it anymore.....

Broken pieces....

When I came back to Holland in 1997,

I felt the same

'What do I really like,

what do I want?!?'

I choose different courses,

all about 'social study's'.....


both my parents were very interested in it

even though some of my siblings thought it was 'weird'.....

This helped me to heal part of my broken Pieces....

When my parents died,

I got other roll models to help me to heal broken pieces.

I needed some more healing

and I attracted a woman with the same energy as my mom.  

I learned a lot from her

AND could let go of some broken pieces....

Power over/manipulating instead of inner power,

I did a lot for free.....

Also male figures: powerful man, nice man,

who forgot to use there power and were manipulating...

also not using their power.

Groups who worked together, like a family,

but were not equal, didn't feel equal......

What was my personal lie?

-'I am never enough'

-'I only am loved if I DO things for others'

-'You shouldn't be yourself, because then

your different and different is weird

and then you don't belong'

-'You can not trust people, because they

are only nice if you can do something for them,

after that they will let you down.'

Even though I KNOW/KNEW these things are not true,

my FEELING tell me sometimes 

something different.

Those feelings are emotions,

it is not intuition!

The difference between those two 

are not always easy to recognise.

Intuition is calm, 

is Knowing,

Emotions are hurtful, explosive, not calm.....

often Broken Pieces......

If I look at the world,

I see a lot of emotions,

a lot of broken Pieces.

I also see more and more acceptance,

people who stop looking at the news

and start looking at their own live again.

They enjoy the 'little things', 

being grateful for what they have,

making changes,

realising life is to short to not enjoy it.

They start to look inside their own life,

start to look at broken pieces.

For me, this is the start of Peace....

The last weeks of 2021 

will be hectic and transforming....

if you choose to,


hectic and violent: our choice...

Can we 'Let go and let 'God''

or do we think we know better.....

The Shift - Wayne Dyer - YouTube

A good movie to watch again.....

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