Monday 10 August 2020

Mind .....child mind or adult mind.....love or fear...3



Are you, the adult you,

making the choice,

or the 'child' you.....

If it is the 'child you',

most likely you are not choosing

from love,

but from fear....


The beginning of this year

we got great news:

we will be grandparents the end of the year :-)

I am happy for my son and bonus daughter

and told myself from the beginning:

'We live far away from each other

so it will be challenging to have a close connection.

I am so happy for them and I Know

she will have the best parents a child could have.'


People who know me,

know that I love children...

all children

and

if I can do something to make them feel better I do 

and

all children can be who they are

and most of them feel they can with me :-)


When I looked at the questions I put in the blog last time,

I wrote down my first reactions.

One was:

-my safe place was my grandma......


Not my mom, but my grandma...

She lived next to us,

and I could go there,

felt always welcome,

I didn't have to do anything....

I always felt loved....


When my grandfather died,

I lived with her for a year.

She made little carpets for our children,

when I became a mom

and that felt very special.

She had sooo many great-grand children,

and she made them only for them...


In my mind she was my safe place.....

and...

in my mind I 'thought' 

that I could not be 

that grandmother as she was,

for our grandchild.....

because 

'she will live far a way from me

and I lived next door to my grandmother'


I said:

'It is ok, I love all children and

will treat all other children 

as if they are my grandchildren'....


Today I realised that our children 

had grandparents far away as well 

and...

our children loved there grandparents,

felt close to them,

had secret between them

-Bas and his grandfather-

and Anne,

when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up,

said:

'I want to be like grandma'

When I asked her why?!?

She said:

'then I can wash clothes'...

-I never washed clothes by hand,

and she did this with my mom

and loved it :-)-

Loes was close to her other grandma

and did everything to make her feel loved.

She was also very protective

and angry when she felt she was not treated well...



So...



How come I believed it was not possible

to have a close connection with our grandchild

and 

'forgot' about the experience of our children....


THAT is how the mind works....

Old patterns are really persistent....

a part of you 'thinks' 

it HAS to keep

these patterns because....

it is safe and will protect you....


Yes....

it is safe for the 'child mind'...

however....

I am not that child anymore....


Could it be that part of me

still likes to make sure that kids

feel loved and can be themselves

because

I KNOW how it feels if that doesn't happen

and......

wish that they don't have 

to go through something I had to go through....


I am sure it is

and...

I am glad I can let go of this

something I don't need anymore...

I learned to love myself....



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55476dCgSsw



I realise now

that the healing of my inner child

changed my 'child mind'....

and I am grateful.


Was my 'trauma'

that my mom had 3 children within 3 years

and I was the oldest?!?

Didn't I felt 'Seen'.......?




-something to say to yourself when you like in the mirror....-


Forgiving...

Most of the time

we talk about this

and talk about forgiving someone else....


Forgiving someone else can be the first step...

however....

you also have to forgive yourself...

or you can not go on...


Forgive yourself 

that you couldn't do anything  else,

because you were just a child....

you did the best you could,

you NEEDED to do this,

to make sure you would feel safe...


Now you are older and wiser...

Now you can choose to move on

and let your past be the past...

that it was a period of your life

where you learned a lot of lessons

lessons 

you don't need to learn anymore...


-I had 3 children within 3 years.....

did I change a family pattern......

I hope and think so 

AND...

I am sure I made 'mistakes'....

and...

our children are wiser than I was at that age :-)-


You don't have to survive anymore....

you can start living and enjoy life.


If your mind is 'protecting' you 

by these

'small' incidents,

Imagine how it is

if there is real trauma...

and

realise we ALL have these 'old patterns' in us...


A death, divorce, virus or war....

How many people in Beirut are dealing with old hurt

AND

now this new trauma....


I know the world is changing,

I know there are lots of people in Beirut,

who are powerful

and dealing with there 'child mind'

and changing it in the 'adult mind'.


An adult takes action from love,

a child from fear....



So how is it with Covid 19/Corona

How do we deal with it?

Form love, or from fear.....



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55476dCgSsw



It all start with children....

If we want a world of love, peace and joy,

we have to start with our inner child,

with all the children.


Because of the covid 19/corona rules,

a lot of parents got more time 

with there children than ever before....

how important...

The air is so much cleaner than it was before....

how great....

We can still choose.....

only....

our choices are not without consequences....


It was never without consequences,

only we see the consequences  quicker

than ever before.

The energy is quicker:

so do you act from love or fear:

you will attract that energy...


And live goes on...

we can choose everyday

to have a great life.

Whatever you decide to let go in your life,

helps your children.....

they will get an easier live....

And....

it will help the next generation

So, if you want to help to get 

to live in a world

of respect and love,

the best way to do it,

is being happy yourself....


Look at the mirrors,

let go of guild and shame

and accept, trust and choose....













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