Tuesday 29 September 2020

Being strong and victim ship.....part 2

 Once, someone who didn't know me so wel, l said:

'You didn't experience life, heartache,

I think you just read it in books....'

I was quiet and didn't react....

didn't know how to react....

Now I know it was a compliment:

even thought there were tough situations in my life,

I choose to live,

to enjoy

and let my 'trauma'/ hurt be my fertile soil.....

Can you let your victim ship go and let go of all

the benefits it had?

People who gave you extra attention,

attention you needed and never got...

People who look at you and see a mirror,

and like to look in it, so not to deal with there own sorrow?

People who don't confront you, because they are afraid

of confronting them selves, so they 'love' you to stay in that position....

Can you be your own parent

and change....

so your children don't have to go through it themselves


do you want to 'protect' your children...

not realising that by doing it you 'just'

don't want to take responsibility for yourself....

Does your body give your signs?

...later that evening....Sept. 28 1968...

I am in my parents bed,

I couldn't sleep,

lot's of people in the house and then....

my grandmother comes in.

My grandparents lived next door,

and at that time, 

my grandpa was in the hospital.

My grandma visited him with my aunt

and there was talk

of taking my brother with them to visit grandpa....

they didn't....

My grandma looked at me and said:

'He was to good for this world,

that is why God took him, '

he is now an angel in heaven'.

.....he was too good?!?

and....if you are 'too good' then you have to go to heaven?

and....you are supposed to be good?!?

It was very confusing for me.....

Now I can see it different,

I am older and wiser - I think ;-)-

and Astrology gives some perspective...

With Uranus you are supposed to be authentic,

choose for YOU,

only....Uranus has also something to do with society,

like minded groups... a family....

Did we all need a 'wake up' call to choose for us,

instead of doing what other people let us know what to do?

Probably we did.....

a wake up call for the adults.....

so they can be themselves and 

let the children be themselves as well....

I know his dead was not only shocking for us,

the family and

for the people in the little town we lived in

Did it work?

Even though it was challenging,

yes it worked....

Our parents wanted us to do what we wanted to do,

take chances...

with responsibility..

So started my mom her own shop

and cooked my dad two days a week,

so it was good for us as well.

My brother wanted to step in my dad's business,

but my dad wasn't sure he wanted it for the right reasons:

'first you check out what YOU want to do'

Did they deal with all the emotions

losing a child?

I don't think so....it was to much,

there was not 'enough' time

between business and a big family.

They protected us in there own way:

my dad Knew and Saw me 

and let me see how working with 

people with a handicap was......

He was right, 

the work I could have done,

only emotionally

I was not ready for it.....

I choose to be a teacher.

It took me almost 30 year to deal with it,

30 years with more unexpected events

and my 'surviving' skills came in very handy.....

Live helped me, taught me


 again Uranus helped me to heal.

Unexpected events and being taught by life

made me stronger:

it was time to 'live again'......

start to trust,

let go of control

and enjoy life.

In Holland it is more strict now.

We need to go back to our selves again,

meeting less people

so we have time to heal....

Heal parts of ourselves,

so we can be healthy parts of society.

I hope and wish it only takes 3 weeks:

a lot of planets are retrograde,

so the 'only' way is in.......

at least if we want a 'new/better' society,

WE can take responsible for our selves

and by that,

taking responsibility for all of us...

We are One....

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