Leo energy.....Part 3

We are souls with an earth experience....

We came here on this earth as Love......

expecting to give and receive,

to help others as others helped us

and to live a wonderful, happy and an abundance life.

We only forgot that we couldn't communicate

in the same way as the people on this earth did....

We, as new people on this earth,

communicated from love

and......

came into a world where communication

was/is something of the mind....

Can we go back to the communication from Love?

In the sixties, 

people wanted 'love and peace'

and forgot this needed boundaries as well.....

It is as if, after the sixties,

society went back to the opposite site....

Like a scale....extreme sides....

How is it now?

Can we find a balance or do we still need extremes?

Are we ready for this new world?

The Leo energy will tell us.....

Do we Shine as the sun shines: 

unconditionally,

so everyone can use it for free

and use it when needed.

Can we be happy,

enjoying live,

be creative

and find solutions

or.....

did we form clouds in front of the Sun

so we don't have to shine,

or do we use the clouds

so we have something to complain

because we are afraid

to go inside, heal and shine again....

Are we afraid of the consequents....

 

If we choose to be our own leader again,

to use our Leo energy,

we have to go back to our roots.....

to our Cancer energy.....

Did we have to build a shell around us, like the Crab,

to protect our vulnerability when we were younger

and....

do we still 'think' we need this?

If we do, we will see unhealed Leo energy,

wounded leaders,

insecurity hidden 

in power over instead of power....

If you look at the Sun signs you see immature reactions

if there is a wounded leader inside.

You see energy from the opposite side in an immature way....

here are some of them:

A Aries is not taking action but wants harmony even if it is fake...

A Taurus is not calm and relaxed but is exploding...

A Gemini is not sharing information but sharing fake news,

A Cancer is following the rules of society instead of what feels good for people.

A Leo powers over a group instead of using it's own natural power.

A Virgo can be addicted to work or be to critical and forget what really is important.

A Libra can be 'fighting' instead of being the mediator.

A Scorpio can be holding back instead of bringing up taboos.

A Sagittarius can share information, point fingers instead of sharing wisdom.

A Capricorn can blame society instead of help change society.

A Aquarius can want to be the leader who knows it all, instead of realising we are all leaders.

A Pisces can want to have control instead of to trust that all is as it is....

You only do this if there is still

a wounded inner child 

that is not healed....

Cancer energy, 'clouds'

are blocking your Leo energy.....

If you choose to use this Leo energy,

you also have to choose to deal with the unhealed Cancer energy....

Saturn is the planet that shows where your fear is,

your guilt and shame...

It also shows were your responsibility is,

how your upbringing was......

and....

consequence of your behaviour.

Can you step out of the old habits

and go into new ones?

Saturn is in the sign of Aquarius now.

Do you see 'we are all responsible'

or do you see 'I know better'.......

The last energy is an immature one.....

an energy of wounded leaders....

So much has happened in the past 

that was not right and.....it is scary to trust again....

Official Secrets Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips Trailers - YouTube

I saw this movie: 'Official Secrets'.....

and it is scary......can this happen again or......

are we more alert now....

Uranus is in the sign of Taurus.

Do we see 'taking care of nature',

'rest and being patient'

do we feel safe and secure

are we taking care of our body/immune system

or

do you see 'We will control this'

'it is not safe and no one takes care of it',

do we see fear....

hidden in anger and violence

To make a change we all have to make a choice....

a choice to go inside AND go on living,

enjoy life.

We have to make a choice to hold other accountable AND ourselves.

We should be patient with ourselves AND with others.

We should take care of us AND realise we are part of society.

If we want to be the change we want to see in the world,

we have to let go of guilt and shame AND let go of guilt and shame others....

Wouldn't it be great

that all the young souls in this world

would be loved unconditionally?

Children who can be 

who they want to be?

Children who have parents 

who listen with their hearts,

be the leaders for this children 

they need to see in this world?

People who are loving, forgiving, 

make mistakes, saying sorry,

explaining and showing boundaries

being creative and having fun.

Showing that there is no guilt or shame,

only accountability,

cause and effect,

that you  can choose different every day

if you want an other effect..

And.....

that there is enough time:

'just be patient and have fun,

know you are loved unconditionally....'

Leo energy...

Leo energy ....part 2

You only choose to change

if you have an inner motivation to do this.

Are you ready to change

or......is there no need to do it yet.....

Do you still have a roof above your head,

something to eat everyday,

people around you that love your/take care of you,

and you have media to inform you or numb you

then.....

why should you change?!?

If you get away with dishonesty

to get what you want,

why should you take the hard way

and be honest?

Realise that if you did this,

or see people doing this,

that it is always a reaction

from a wounded inner child....

And...

.a not healed inner child

will become a wounded leader....

If you are a 'wounded leader'

most likely you attract wounded innerchilds....

You are the mirror for them to heal...

and they are the mirror for you,

so both of you can heal....

Most of the time a tough wake up call is needed,

and you feel you 'don't have a choice anymore':

You don't want what you have anymore because it is to bad.....

you decide you want something different

and....

it helps you to find Your voice again....

I am sure you can see this in your past,

perhaps in your life right now:

-challenges with parents,

-challenges in family's,

-challenges in organisations,

-challenges in sports clubs,

-challenges with children,

-challenges in society.......

Do we use our inner power or

do we use to power over......

Do you deal with your feeling of guilt and shame

or are you projecting: 

blaming yourself or someone else...

It is important that YOU own it....

I have a strong Saturn in my chart,

so: I 'will and have to survive',

' I am responsible for 'all' '

and if someone was not happy:

I 'had to solve it'.....

My Saturn helped me learn...

to be patient with myself,

is was also 'blocking' my Leo energy....

- my Sun in Virgo likes to be of service, to 'help'

and when wounded it goes to the opposite site....Pisces,

perhaps something for another blog ;-)-

I 'needed' some tough wake up calls

before I 'remembered' who I really was....

that the only way that I could be 'of service' and 'help'

would be, if I would took good care of myself....

https://youtu.be/n0LogqCNeqk

-a good Dutch movie 'mi vida': 'your job is to be happy'

The last years, 

I see more and more

how big my guilt and shame was...

I solved a lot of it.....

and am more happy myself.

I can be there for more people....

help them to find their own power.....

In the past I acted

as if I was responsible for all ....

as if I had to solve every ones problem

as if they couldn't do it themselves.....

I acted from a 'wounded leader'.....

I needed  to recognize my wound,

so I could set boundaries,

love myself and

be my own leader.

How is this in your life?

Are you happy?

Do you love yourself unconditionally?

Do you attract abundance?

Do you look into the mirror and change

what you don't like

or do you project most of the time?

How is it with your body?

Do you feel it does for you what you need it to do

of do you think it has to be as what

'the norm' is in society......-Saturn- 

and you forgot that it is unique for you.....-Uranus-

Sometimes a 'wake up' call is needed....

An health issue or an article can help you change

your routine.....

In relationships 

it can be another person 

who comes between you and your partner.

How is it with your own integrity....

do you love yourself....?

In society it can be 'Corona'.

A virus that effects us all, is a mirror for us all..

I checked what 'getting the flue' wants to tell us energetically:

'life asks for a savings mission for men and men-kind'

'raising consciousness, realising that dead is part of life'

'time for a new era'

'not everyone will be effected,

only those who stay in the hurt mentality

and forget to be unique:

a person who takes 

responsibility for him self'

'live differently: Be, 

instead of being impatient,

ambition, angry for not getting what you want,

or wanting to please others'

'the virus wants to push you towards yourself'

'being to strict towards yourself, to critical'

'talk from your heart, instead of your head, ground....'

'you don't have to suffer, to die.....you have a choice'

-From 'De sleutel tot zelfbevrijding' Christiane Beerlandt'-

To get information is easy.....

to gain wisdom takes time and love.....

Do we choose to be a leader from the heart?

Are we ready to deal with our hurt?

Are we ready to live in abundance

or.....

do we need more mirrors to help us heal?

How much of the anger we feel and see in the world

is 'just' anger of past experiences.....

Experiences from the past,

stored inside of us,

experiences that hurt us,

that wounded us....

not healed yet...

Experiences that let us forget

that we are all born with this 'Leo' energy,

that we all are born as leaders.

Leaders of our own life,

we 'just' have to shine,

be happy,

and -when needed-

can easy share our 'warmth' with others.

Share....

because there is enough....

Leo energy.

 From Cancer we went in the energy of Leo.

How did the clearing go?

Did you take time to clean 'closets and emotions'?

I did and.....still more to do....

It doesn't mean dat I can not be in this energy of Leo,

it only means that I will have more to give, to Be,

than I do now:

still some healing to do.....

Leo energy is leader energy,

is fun energy,

is creativity,

is playfulness,

unconditional love.

As a child, this Leo energy needs validation.

It needs it because deep inside it is insecure:

am I a really a leader,

do 'they' really love me,

do 'they' really see how I am?

If this energy doesn't get appreciation,

it makes sure to find a way to get it.....

It looks and reacts to the outside world.

If this happens to often,

it 'forgets' it's own goals......

it 'forgets' that he 'only' has to Be...

to shine.....like the sun.....

Is powerful without the need to proof,

without to use power over people...

The Leo energy 'needs' to shine.....

'needs' to lead......

Being in control is one thing to do it...

being 'right' is an other way....

not because it means to do harm....

it is because there is insecurity

and......fear.....

fear of not being seen

fear of not being loved.....

In the outside world you recognize these 'leaders'.

For me, leaders like Donald Trump and Vladimir Poetin show this.

Also parents who want their children to be what they couldn't be.

Influencers who need plastic surgery or who edit their pictures

to look how they think people want them to look.

The Corona virus 'helps' us to go inside....

back to ourselves,

find out what we Really need

to make us happy.

Can we be the authentic leader,

master about ourselves....

Are we investing in our immune system,

good health or 

do we still believe someone else/something else has to do it....

-Just to make sure you understand that the Leo energy

is not only for the people with the star sign Leo:

everyone is born with this energy. 

We all have a part in our chart with this Leo energy.

and -most important- 

you all have a Sun in your chart.

This is what most people say when you ask:

'what is your birth sign'?

You want to shine in that way:

So a Sun in Cancer, chooses to be 'a leader/ to shine'

in a Cancer way.....

If that person doesn't feel safe and secure,

you see the 'immature' reactions of the Leo energy.-

Unconditional love: 

love yourself with all your flaws,

Know these are 'just stepping stones'

so choose to let go of guild and shame.

Take responsibility if needed,

say sorry, forgive.

Fun, playfulness, creativity:

find ways to enjoy life,

be happy and realise that you don't need 'things'...

Be You:

Know you have an unique quality,

that you want to share in this world.

It is not something you have to proof,

'just Be':

Your smile to someone today

could make a big difference...

The journalist, Peter R de Vries

had his farewell service

on the day the Sun went in Leo.

People talked about his farewell ceremony in a special way:

-'he was a special father, he did so much with his children and for them'

-'he put love notes all over the place for his partner'

-'he always remembered special day's'

-'he kept in contact with the people he helped'

-'I realise he was so much more than we thought he was'

Leo energy:

he didn't need the public to know all,

he was intrinsic motivated.....

For the public he sometimes looked 'arrogant',

only.....

was it arrogant, or was it his courage 

to bring to the surface 

other people were afraid to do...

Isn't that what a leader should do.....

Being authentic and fearless?

Is it something we are afraid to do,

because of insecurity....

afraid of not being loved unconditional?

Reacting on social media is easy.....

you will not be holding accountable....

This is an immature Leo energy for me.....

Do you Know were you are talking about,

or did you 'just read' about it......

instead of studying, questioning it...

How come we don't trust our leaders.....

could it be that we don't trust ourselves

and.....don't have the patience to go inside

and start trusting ourselves again?

In the end, love wins.....

Use the Leo energy,

to have fun,

to enjoy the sun,

be creative,

look at children,

spoil your inner child

and 'just Be'....

Are all leaders to be trusted?

I don't think so,

but a lot of them are.....

I believe that the quickest way

to step in 'the new world'

is to go inside,

trust ourselves 

and be our own leader...

'On bended knee it is no way to be free'.......part 4

 

At the moment,

I get triggers, mirrors

about grief.....

old hurt....

I think we all get this

in different ways...

How free are we really?

Are we free to grief,

to deal with hurt,

or do we feel that

the way we do it 

is 'not the right way'....

not the way it is 'supposed to be done'.....

Do we feel free

to set boundaries with our loved ones,

or is there a part of us

that still feels guilty if we decide to do

something else than

they expect from us.....

How is it with the floods,

the forest fires, the inflation in Lebanon,

no electricity, crime...

Do we feel free to react in our way,

or do we react in a way 

we feel people expect of us.....

Could it be

that we are all dealing with grief....

Grief of letting go loved ones.....

Grief of letting go of ourselves,

'not allowed' to be,

just who we are.....

Could it be 

that we are all healing,

accepting the pain

and realising that after mourning,

we can decide to accept,

forgive and heal....

We have a choice to raise our consciousness,

let 'our container' grow,

and live from the 'green zone'

or 

we stay were we are....

go into a freeze, fight or flight reaction..

If you want to be free,

you have to know who you are,

you have to live from love....

It takes time to go back to yourself,

it takes patience....

it takes responsibility....

It takes consciousness,

It takes time to feel and Know that we are all One....

It also takes time to deal with the wounds

of your inner child....

It takes time to trust again....

We need to accept,

that we are all wounded....

We need to accept the unacceptable....

Our parent did the best they could,

the best from their wounded inner child....

We can choose to be and stay a victim,

or start to use our courage

and become a victor....

Set boundaries and be free...

Do we judge ourselves,

or are we patient and compassionate

with this part of us....

As an adult, 

you Know your are mirroring,

and realise that if you hurt someone,

you hurt yourself....

You Know your inner child

needs attention...

Be 'crazy',

if crazy means being yourself,

loving yourself,

being a leader by example...

The journalist, Peter R de Vries

was 'a crazy man'.....

I hope and wish we all will

find our own 'craziness'

and encourage others to be 'crazy' as well....

I realise that I am not always that patient with myself

and still can judge myself...

I also realise it is not fair to my inner child,

it had a tough time 

and 'only' needs love and protection.

Love and protection

and I am the only one 

that can give it.....

And then I see this in our garden.

It looks just as a green bush.

My first reaction: 

'Still no flowers,

will it ever bloom again?!?'

Then  I looked closer

and saw something white:

I moved some leaves

and saw this:

Lot's of flowers 'hiding'......

not ready to come out yet.....

Could it be

that this is a sign

that we all are further than we think?

We are almost there....

signs of 'a new era',

a new society,

were it is ok to shine,

to show who you are....

And while I am waiting for a client,

I get another sign:

Setting boundaries gives me freedom,

and most likely them to...

Let's be 'crazy'

and lead by example :-)

'On bended knee is no way to be free'....part 3

 When I look around

I see a lot of turmoil in the world,

I see also turmoil in my own life....

I feel old emotions,

decide to stay with them and...

'park them' if needed.....

I choose to accept to be happy

and....

revisit these emotions again.....

most of the time 

I get signs to 'help me'.....

When I heard the reaction of this journalist,

about how he wanted to be remembered,

it touched me emotional....

My first reaction: 

'how great that being a good father

is more important than all what he does for society.'

My emotional reaction showed me that

'I should investigate'....

How sure was he about himself as a father....?

When I saw him with his children

and hear how his children are in society,

he must have been an amazing father!

How insecure was he about this?

Did he compare himself with 'someone else'?

Did he Know deep down,

that he was 'enough'....

How is it with us?

Are we 'totally in the green'

or are there still parts of us in the 

'Freeze, flight or fight' stage.....

Do we recognize it,

can we stay with it

and accept the unacceptable

or do we let past hurt,

lead our lives...

Nature 'just is'....

growing and blooming next to each other....

Do we believe we are enough....

can we let go of  the need to 

'proof' that we are....?

I like to remember this journalist,

Peter R de Vries

in this way: 

'He was a great man,

authentic, honest and loving.

He was the change 

he wanted to see in this world.

He lived a happy life'

Or.....

is this what I see as the ultimate goal

for all people,

and did I see this in him:

A leader, a mirror,

like Mandela and Ghandi.....

also people who lead by example,

bold, courageous, fearless.....

responsible AND free....

Saturn/Uranus.

Do we dare to do the same 

or are we afraid of the consequences?

Does it have to be tough,

hard and challenging?

A bit,

or else we wouldn't change,

or...... 

is this also a believe system....

,

'On bended knee is no way to be free' .....part 2

 To accept the unacceptable......

Accepting that loved one's get sick, or die....

Accepting that whatever you do 

is not bringing you the joy you seek....

Accepting that your 'parents/the government/teachers' 

make rules you have to follow and you don't like them....

Accepting that not all people are doing nice things....

Accepting that relationships are not always for life......

Accepting that children will follow their own path

even though you would still like to 'parent'.....

Accepting is being in the now....

Lots of times we forget to be there....

we live in the past

or live in the future....

If you look at kids,

you can learn how to be in the now.

They enjoy what they are doing,

and also enjoy the next thing they do

as much as the first thing.

They fight with friends

and make up and... 

are still best friends.

They live in the now...

no grudges, 

just Be,

Be happy and enjoy

others to be happy as well. 

''Don't Plan For Future, As You Can't Live It All'' | MotivationSpeech2020 - YouTube

When we get older,

we live in the past....

often subconscious.....

We react from old emotions,

we get grudges,

we believe we have to proof ourselves

and DO to deserve happiness.....

We blame and shame ourselves,

feel quilty...

When I wrote this

it hit me:

we are so much more vulnerable than we realize

and so much more powerful as well....

We build 'walls' around our feelings

so we wouldn't be 'hurt' again....

so we could survive in the world we were born in.

Can we use this power for the 'adult us' as well?

Do we dare to let go of the walls

and use the tools of protection in a new way?

To heal.....let walls down

set boundaries,

let love and freedom in,

get back to 'the Now'...?

It is a decision

no one else can make...

only YOU.....

'just' be patient....

Can you decide 

to accept were you are now?

Accept the unacceptable?

Grieve, being compassionate, forgive

and by doing this,

Live.....?

There are many truths....

and it is important you find yours.....

If you don't live your truth,

you can not attract what you deserve....

If I look at all the floods,

I wonder how many emotions we are still 'trying' to keep inside....

Lot's of people are helping,

lot's of people are donating....

We are One....

If I see the reactions after the murder of the journalist in Holland,

I feel respect for this special man.

All the story's about the things he did behind the scenes,

how many people he helped and.....

stayed friends with....

All different kind of people....

the only thing they have in common:

honest people who needed help,

because there was injustice....

and he had the talent and determination

to 'fight' for them....

to investigate....

Can we do the same as with the floods:

being honest, being helpful,

not only for others,

but starting with ourselves?

Can we 'fight' for us,

investigate our emotions

and be 'free'.....

When someone asked this journalist 

how he wanted people to remember him 

after he would die, he said:

'That I was a good father....the rest is not important'....

Live in the now,

accepting what is,

smile when you can,

investigate both sides,

say sorry and thank you,

and decide....

Decide to live,

decide to trust,

and be alert

'I trust God, but I still will lock my bike'.....

is a Dutch saying...

'On bended knee is no way to be free'

Can you Be.....

just like a sunflower:

shine without fear.

Bold, beautiful,

perhaps confrontational for others....

because it looks bigger and brighter

than all the other flowers...

always moving to the sun....

Can you be authentic?

Shine and also move to the spotlight when needed?

Can you let others shine as well,

Can you be bold AND forgiving.....

We are still in the energy of Cancer,

a time of letting go of old emotions,

and be there for our selves and others.

Time to restore our energy,

so we can create again.

Taking time, investigate, being patient,

being honest, forgive and move on.....

Yesterday, Chiron, 

the 'wounded healer' went retrograde:

the coming time we get chances 

to heal parts in our selves

that are afraid to step up,

to use YOUR energy,

take action so you can live

the life you want to.

It is the sign of Aries...

The sign of being courageous, confident,

honest, passionate, 

optimistic and determent.

Also the sign of being impatient, moody,

short tempered, impulsive and being aggressive.

We get mirrors, triggers

and... a choice:

'are we lost in projection

or are we aware of the projector...'

Do you dear to be authentic?

Do you dear to be honest, confrontational

AND

being humorful, friendly and vulnerable?

Can you forgive and connect?

In Holland a journalist was murdered,

shot in the head....

He choose to live a life to stand up

for people who couldn't do it for themselves.

Well informed and honest......

so even with friends he had heated discussions.

Or do I have to say:

'as a true friend, he informed himself

and didn't allow anyone to cut corners,

Especially not with his friends.'

He investigated crime, helped parents

find justice for their children,

and by that was threatened a lot 

by organised crime.

He choose to speak up

and also choose not to have police security:

'I want to live my life,

I am careful, only.....

I don't want to live in fear

than 'they win'

and I am not true to myself...'

He had a tattoo on his leg:

'on bended knee is no way to be free'..

Is he mirroring our fear?

Fear of being ourselves,

fear of speaking up,

fear that we 'will die'

if we are our true self,

if we are authentic?

Is he also mirroring our comfort zone,

getting information in an 'easy way',

not checking the fact,

only looking at one side,

so we don't have to be hold accountable....

'someone else will deal with it,

I am not 

good enough/strong enough/smart enough/etc etc..'

Do we stay on 'bended knee'

because we are afraid to be free?!?

After the shooting, someone said:

'He fought for all of us, 

now it is time he fights for himself!'

A lot of people were worried for him

and wanted him to take extra protection...

he didn't want to....

he did what he thought was best.

When I looked at his chart

I realised, that this person made a good point:

he helped everyone,

fought for them,

only......

he didn't do it for himself......

This could also be a mirror:

are we ready to take good care of ourselves,

set boundaries when needed

and.....

if we can not do it....yet....

ask for help.....

Do we realize,

we don't have to do it all by ourselves...

No electricity in Lebanon,

heat waves in Canada,

lot's of rain and floods,

in parts of Germany, Belgium and Holland....

Also mirrors, triggers.....

It looks to me, 

that we are not ready for the next step...yet....

How do we deal with nature,

did Corona 'help' us to go inside 

and heal and change some habits 

or do we need more triggers/mirrors.......

Let's use the Chiron energy the coming months,

to heal our wound.

Being honest, optimistic, determent,

courageous, confident and passionate.

And also patient with ourselves

if we are moody or short tempered.....

Remember we are 'just healing'.....

 

Triggers

 Wouldn't it be easy,

'just' to 'walk away'......

Not to deal with health issues

only with 'pills'.....

Not to deal with health issues

only 'spiritual'

Not to deal with people who push your buttons

only with people who agree with you.

I can go on, but I am sure

you can find triggers in your life

you are walking away from....

If not.....

 

We are here to grow, to heal, to be happy,

to enjoy life, to reclaim our unique power.

Sometimes it looks like people forget 

that we are first and for all

here to grow.......

If we are in a comfort zone for to long,

avoid growing,

life will help us to get out of this zone....

Most of the time by showing us something

we don't like and.....

something we can not run away from....

Triggers....

At the moment we get lot's of triggers as society,

all triggers ask us to choose.

Choose between 

fear and love,

control and trust,

oppose or connect.

Not choosing is also a choice....

a choice to avoid your trigger.....

a choice to avoid healing....

a choice to avoid the pain.....

that you need to go trough

if you want healing...

In Lebanon it is the electricity,

in Canada the dead body's of children that show up,

in South America the lack of food and medicine,

in Holland the climbing of the Corona numbers....

The prime minister and the minister of health 

from Holland apologised....

Apologised because 

'they decided to let go of restrictions to soon.....'

It triggers me......

Why do they need to apologize?!?

Did they make a mistake?!?

You can say: 

'Yes, because now the numbers of Covid infections are going trough the roof'.

You also can say:

 'No, they don't need to apologize, because the people didn't follow

the rules' 

When I thought about the second reaction 

I realized it wasn't a 'No......'

it was also a 'Yes, they should apologize......'

'Yes, they expected people to be responsible and they were not ready yet

to be responsible'. 

They apologized because they expected people to be more mature

and 'they', as government/'father'

gave us -'the people'- a responsibility we were not ready for......

Why is this triggering me?

I realised that I expect people to take their responsibility

when they are not ready....yet...

And I also realise that I expect that people take their responsibility......

I see their power and sometimes am blind for their blockages....

Could it be 

that it is because I got to much responsibility as a child?

Responsibility I could take,

but wasn't emotional ready for......?

As a leader, 

-and we all are one!-

we have to take responsibility for our part,

also for our wounded emotions....

So apologizing by the prime- and health minister

is a great mirror for us all.....

I understand it took a few days for them to do this:

most likely they had to deal with 'wounded emotions'....

What will we, 

the people in Holland do:

can we take the next step,

look in our life were we have 'wounded emotions'.....

Can we pause, 

take a step back,

re-do what's needed

and than take the next step again

or

do we first have to blame, shame

and guilt someone/ourselves...