I wanted to clear cupboards, closets and files.....
Stuff we didn't use for the last years that still takes space....
Why do I keep it,
why can't I let it go?
Why don't I take action
and
why am I judging myself that I don't do it.......
I cleared one cupboard and...
I realised that I looked at all,
all the cupboards and closets
and all the files I wanted to clear....
I looked at it
and wanted it to be neat 'now'.....
Can you relate?
Could it be that deep down,
we Know/I know that by clearing,
we have to go through 'old stuff' as well,
'stuff' with emotions......
Patience....Saturn.....Discipline.....
it sounds so easy,
it isn't always....
Our house is a mirror of our emotions,
our 'inner' house.....
Our houses mirror some 'old/outdated stuff',
some you see,
some you don't see it, it is 'hidden'.
It is hidden,
but is taking space,
space that can not be used
for new exiting things/events/experiences....
Do I want to clear it,
or.....
'doesn't it bother me to much'.....
do I look for and find excuses
to keep it.....
What does this tell me about other parts in my life.....
What do I hide....
hide in relationships,
hide in taking care of my body,
hide in my work,
hide my love and power......?
Do I really want everything I deserve
or.....
am I settling....
Do I believe it is good as it is.....
find excuses to excel....
Am I afraid of the consequences....
am I afraid to fail
or 'being shot at'.....
If I look at society, I see a lot of fears:
fear of sickness,
fear of a body that can not heal it self...
fear of lack,
fear that abundance is for all.. except you.....
fear of not fitting in:
surgery to help you look like everyone else....
following other peoples dream instead of your own....
fear of being judge
and judging people that are not like you....
fear of being unique:
you could be ostracized or trying to be killed.....
fear of being unique,
so you decide to use power over people instead of using Your power..
fear of not being seen,
so you defend, complain or use another negative emotion...
We 'hide' everything in cupboard, closets
or put it under the carpet,
under make up,
or with a brave face,
so 'others' don't have to see what's really going on.
It looks like we believe
that everything has to look 'neat',
everything we don't want to deal with,
we hide...
How insecure are we,
do we really believe in our unique power?
People who are not blending in
are 'messy' , 'unorganised', 'lazy', 'bossy'
and 'old fashioned'.
I wonder who really let go
the most of his old emotions:
the ones with a 'tidy house' and 'full' closets
or the ones with 'messy' houses and 'empty' closets....
I don't know...
you have to decide for yourself.
Are you happy with what you see,
are you happy with your life?
I am happy with my life
AND
feel there is a next step to take....
I get the signs from the outside world
and.....
I am not sure if I want to take the next step....
fear......
guilt, shame.....
old feelings of not being 'enough'....
I don't have to deal with it
only.....
a part of me chooses to attract people
who touch 'something' in me.....
Who ask me to do more.....
and.....
I think about 'the stuff'
I still have in the cupboard, closets
and in files....
'old stuff'...
I let it take up space......
Am I still hiding a part of me
-my 'power', my 'love'-
and are the cupboards, closets and files
my mirror?
Am I afraid what would happen
if I gave it the space it needs....?
I had a dream about birds flying free
and then:
big snowflakes fell down.
They stuck to the birds and they fell down.....
Snow/ice, frozen emotions.....
I give myself time to make my inner world stronger,
most likely the time I need
to clear out the cupboards, closets and the files.....
Will I find excuses?
Will I be patient with myself,
take my time and trust...?
In Holland,
after two weeks of more freedom,
we have more restriction again....
The Covid cases are going 'through the roof'.....
The Delta variation is much more contagious,
so we see the 'power of one'....
If one person doesn't take his/her responsibility
it effect the group/society.....
Do we need more time to look inside ourselves?
Does this variation gives us more time
and.....do we take it?
Can we see the bigger picture?
Do we realise that each of us
is important for all of us
as society.....
Each of us get the time.....
energy is patient....
Are you?!?
Are you still blaming, complaining,
finding excuses or are you dealing
with the blame and shame inside of you.....
We also see that this variation of the virus
doesn't make people very sick.....
but it is still preventing society
to be as it wants to be: free....
We only can be free
if there are boundaries as well.
It shows us how important we all are,
each of us......
How is it with you?
Where are you not taking your responsibility?
Where do you still feel guild and shame?
Where in your life aren't you being patient with yourself?
I started cleaning some cupboards
and
it made room inside of me:
I got a confrontation,
a love, power, money confrontation....
I stood up for myself in a way I didn't before
I didn't feel the guild and shame I used to do
and was proud of myself.....
however:
that night it took time for me to get to sleep .....
It showed me that this energy is was not totally free....yet....
The next day I got a chance to make it free...
I had to speak up,
I realised I had lost a part of my own voice....
I didn't take myself, my love, my power serious,
and 'money' was the mirror to help me heal....
The coming weeks, perhaps months,
I take time to clear more cupboard, closets,
and files.....probably I even let go of books.....
I wonder what will come up.....
I focus on trust....
I realise fear will come up,
old fear.....
I will let myself know
that I am more powerful than I was before....
that I have enough time,
to let go and set boundaries
and to be 'free' and authentic.
I hope and wish you do the same!
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