Friday 2 April 2021

Life is good....just the way it is.....part 2

After reading the book from Bibian Mentel,

I saw her documentary.

Her mom: 

'Bibian looked often angry when she was small.

When I asked if she was angry, she said no.

I told her to smile, because that was better.

My mom told me that is how she survived

the Japanese camp: she kept smiling.'

Then I got a book about a family drama.

A story about a brother who drowned

by falling through a hole in the ice.

In the book, 

one of his sister tells what she feels.

How it feels for her siblings and for her parents.

She is looking for a way

how to change the situation,

by herself and together with her brother and sister.

Her wish:

'I want it to be as it was,

and what can I do to help'.

Also Saturn/Uranus.....

When reading the book, 

I realised that I have vivid memory's

of the accident of my brother and the time after


there are a lot of blanks......

I lived my life

and looked AT my environment,

my siblings and my parents.

I looked from my point of view

from a view of a 10 year old girl.

All of us will have other memory's 

and different ways to cope with it.....

All of us will most likely

had the same feeling at the start:

'let is be as it was before'

How can a child accept a situation like this,

see and feel the hurt of their parents

and....there is also their own hurt....

'I am afraid if grown ups cry.'


'Then always something bad happen'

-a conversation I saw between a mother and a child...-

Is there a family drama in your life?

Did a grandma/granddad die,

did you move to another town/country,

was there an illness,

worry's about money?

Could you be yourself or did you have to 'behave'?

Most of the people think that if there

was no physical violence in there life 

and enough food to eat,

then there was no 'trauma'......

When I look in society,

I see a lot of people being angry,

not feeling heard,

defending themselves

and....feeling 'sick'.....

Could this be signs of 'trauma',

not healed trauma....?

Are  we happy we did survive

and a live we life that is not to bad

and forget that we are born to live,

to be happy.....


Do you have goals and dreams?
Are those full of material things,
like houses, holiday's, cars and clothing
or do you Know and Feel your goal....
Can you be happy
and see the signs....
Heal the past and set new goals and dreams.

How many of you talk still about a loved one,
that passed away or a sickness that once was.
A move that was challenging
or a job change you didn't like to make.....

How many of you think:
'the sadness should be gone now'
'I am afraid I will cry if they ask about him/her,
so I don't go out'
'I should be dead, live has no use anymore'
'I am glad she/he is gone, but that is wrong,
I have to be sad'
'I am fine now, so I shouldn't talk about it anymore'

I believe that our family trauma
had a big impact in all our lives.....
We all dealt with it in our own way.
For sure we had to put it somewhere deep down
in the beginning.....
just to survive.
A first step.....
Did we take the next step.....

The subconscious wants/needs to become conscious

I got cancer, 
my parents got cancer,
some committed suicide,
others made bad business decisions,
others had/are in challenging relations..

We all made sure we survived,
working hard to do so.
Guilt and shame 
- immature Saturn- 
changed in patience and responsibility 
- mature Saturn-
We are accepting wat is and
let go of wishing that it was as it was before...

Being grateful and enjoying life,
living instead of surviving.
Are we all totally healed?
I am not sure,
we will see......
I know, I will get more signs
if I need them ;-)

And just as I thought I got all the signs I needed before Eastern,

I got another one.....

this time about my part in society....

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