After reading the book from Bibian Mentel,
I saw her documentary.
'Bibian looked often angry when she was small.
When I asked if she was angry, she said no.
I told her to smile, because that was better.
My mom told me that is how she survived
the Japanese camp: she kept smiling.'
Then I got a book about a family drama.
A story about a brother who drowned
by falling through a hole in the ice.
In the book,
one of his sister tells what she feels.
How it feels for her siblings and for her parents.
She is looking for a way
how to change the situation,
by herself and together with her brother and sister.
'I want it to be as it was,
and what can I do to help'.
When reading the book,
I realised that I have vivid memory's
of the accident of my brother and the time after
there are a lot of blanks......
I lived my life
and looked AT my environment,
my siblings and my parents.
I looked from my point of view
from a view of a 10 year old girl.
All of us will have other memory's
and different ways to cope with it.....
All of us will most likely
had the same feeling at the start:
'let is be as it was before'
How can a child accept a situation like this,
see and feel the hurt of their parents
and....there is also their own hurt....
'I am afraid if grown ups cry.'
'Then always something bad happen'
-a conversation I saw between a mother and a child...-
Is there a family drama in your life?
Did a grandma/granddad die,
did you move to another town/country,
was there an illness,
worry's about money?
Could you be yourself or did you have to 'behave'?
Most of the people think that if there
was no physical violence in there life
and enough food to eat,
then there was no 'trauma'......
When I look in society,
I see a lot of people being angry,
not feeling heard,
Could this be signs of 'trauma',
not healed trauma....?
Are we happy we did survive
and a live we life that is not to bad
and forget that we are born to live,
to be happy.....
And just as I thought I got all the signs I needed before Eastern,
I got another one.....
this time about my part in society....